RBR: G.I. Joe: Retaliation

When people criticize Hollywood for being out of ideas, one of the first pieces of evidence that gets cited is the abundance of television shows that get turned into feature films when they have no business being on the silver screen. The GI Joe franchise, however, seems like it would translate well to the big screen. You have a colorful cast of characters and a relatable story of good and evil. Given the source material that they have to work with, it is baffling how much Hollywood has mismanaged this franchise and turned in now two disappointing entries. What has been apparent in both 2009's Rise of Cobra and the recent sequel Relatiation is the corporate fingerprints that have put a stranglehold on the direction of these films. Things like putting it in 3D and adding The Rock and Bruce Willis to the cast offer nothing to the actual storytelling and are included merely because some studio executives has the misguided belief that this is what audiences want. In the cartoon, all of the Joes had distinct names and corresponding attributes that made them unique. In this latest film, the only way a character stands out is because of who is playing him. Why is Dwayne Johnson called Roadblock? Beats me. They might as well have just called him The Rock because that's what everyone is thinking while seeing him on the screen. The villians are not much better in terms of being distinct. The handling of Cobra Commander is slightly better here than in the first film, but he has to share time on the screen with several other villains so we can never really appreciate any of them. That brings up another issue with the film in that there is too much going on, yet none of it feels like it matters. Half of the film is spent on the rivalry between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow and too often I had no idea why I should care or what it had to do with the other plot involving an ambush on the Joes. I will give credit where it is due and say that there are some impressive action scenes sprinkled throughout the film. The ninja fight that takes place on the side of a mountain in particular is very well done. But again, none of it feels like it matters. Never before have I seen an entire major city get destroyed in a film and have it feel as insignificant as it does here. Until this franchise can show a little bit more coherence in its storytelling, I'm going AWOL. Rating: ** 1/2