Odds are you'll have fun

It's January, which means it's once again time for the Royal Rumble. To get ready for one of the most entertaining matches of the year, you can watch the video below and see what makes this match so special...by the numbers.

Royal Rumble Rewind: 2011

So we come to the end of our journey with a look back at last year's show. The 2011 edition of the Rumble once again tried to change the formula - this time by having 40 entrants in the match. As you'll see, this was not a case where the motto 'bigger is better' is true. I hope you've appreciated this look back at the Rumble match and will enjoy the 2012 edition tonight. As is typically the case, there should be a number of surprises and hopefully a winner we can all support. One thing's for sure, tonight will properly get us onto the 'Road to Wrestlemania'.

2011 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the TD Garden in Boston, MA

Last year’s Rumble MVP, C.M Punk gets the unfortunate luck of drawing #1. At this point, he was the leader of the (new) Nexus. Before #2 comes out, the entire group of the Corre (dumbest stable name ever) come out and surround Punk. They attack him, prompting the rest of the Nexus to run out and even the odds. As they brawl, the anonymous RAW GM sends an email ordering their fight to stop. He sends everyone but Punk to the back or else face removal from the match. Frankly I hope they stay so we don’t have to see them again later in an official capacity. As the crowd chants for Punk, the official #2 entrant, Daniel Bryan makes his way out to the ring. The two have some nice fast-paced back and forth action to start. Bryan connects with a missile dropkick but then misses a charge in the corner. #3 is the first Corre member, Justin Gabriel. Punk and Bryan clothesline each other which allows Gabriel to attempt the 450 splash. Punk moves out of the way and Bryan is able to throw the beaten Gabriel out of the ring. Zack Ryder is #4 and he goes right after Bryan. These three guys would be in much higher positions in the company by year’s end. Ryder charges at Bryan who is able to move and hiptoss him out of the ring. And we go from rising star to cagey veteran as William Regal comes out at #5. He lays some stiff shots in on both Bryan and Punk. Now Bryan lays out Punk and Regal with kicks. Ted Dibiase is the #6 entrant and he goes after Bryan. As Dibiase tries to get rid of Punk, Bryan brutalizes Regal with a series of kicks. #7 is John Morrison and he takes out everyone including delivering a C4 to Bryan. Dibiase manages to get Morrison on the apron. Regal then bumps him off, but Morrison manages to hop onto the guardrail without touching the floor. Morrison then walks the rail and hops back onto the ring steps and reenters the ring. That was pretty sweet. Meanwhile, as we were fixated on him, Regal was eliminated by Dibiase. We’ve paired off now with Dibiase and Morrison fighting and Bryan trying to eliminate Punk. Someone who’s thankful that the Rumble has 40 guys this year is Yoshi Tatsu, who’s out at #8. Nothing of note happens as our second Nexus member, Husky Harris is the #9 entrant. He comes in and plays bodyguard for his leader, Punk. #10 is Chavo Guerrero who continues to sponge off Eddie’s name by giving Dibiase the Three Amigos. That gets interrupted by Punk, so Chavo gives it to him instead. However, he gets interrupted again by Morrison, so Chavo tries it on him. One more interruption by Bryan ends with Chavo completing the move on Bryan. Chavo gets a nice pop for that.

We might get some ring clearing now because Mark Henry enters at #11. Chavo tries to hit him with a high crossbody, but Henry catches him and pitches him to the floor. Tatsu tries to attack Henry, so Henry retaliates by clotheslining him out of the ring. Henry finally gets stopped by a double attack from Punk and Harris. #12 is JTG and he always seems to luck out and get a spot in this match. This match is in need of some star power, however we don’t get it because another Nexus member, Michael McGuillicutty is #13. He does make an impact, however, by quickly eliminating JTG. He and Harris team up and are also able to eliminate Dibiase. The string of Superstars mainstays continues as Chris Masters enters at #14. He gets Punk in the Masterlock and nearly eliminates him before Nexus makes the save. It’s more Nexus members as David Otunga is the #15 entrant. He joins his Nexus brethren in eliminating Bryan, Masters, Morrison, and Henry. Only Nexus members remain in the ring as Tyler Reks (who?) comes out at #16. He doesn’t have the chance of getting one offensive move in before the Nexus eliminate him as well. Vladimir Koslov is the #17 entrant and he receives the same treatment. They eliminate him and pose as they wait for their next victim. We could use for Punk to get on the mic during these breaks. #18 is R-Truth, who runs to the ring seemingly undeterred by the fact that there’s a gang waiting for him. Punk mocks his ‘What’s Up’ catchphrase and then throws him out. Crowd is quickly growing restless with this. The Great Khali waddles out at #19 and I doubt, despite his size, that he’ll make much of a difference. I stand corrected though because he manages to take them down and eliminate Harris. However, just as we think that this will be the end of their dominance, the final Nexus member, Mason Ryan enters at #20. He attacks Khali and manages to throw him out, leaving us once again with only Nexus members in the ring.

In our first surprise of the night, the six time WCW champion, Booker T enters at #21. Big crowd pop for him. He initially holds his own and takes down the Nexus members long enough to perform the Spinarooni. He gets close to eliminating Punk, but Ryan comes up behind him and throws out Booker instead. #22 is John Cena and I think we can safely say the reign of Nexus will finally be coming to an end. He’s able to divide and conquer and eliminates Ryan, Otunga, and McGuillicutty and short order. Cena and Punk square off in a match up that would get much more interesting a few months later. Cena escapes a GTS attempt and both men clothesline each other. With both men down, Hornswoggle comes out at #23. He taunts Punk, who shoves him down. Good!! Punk gets Cena up again, but Cena escapes and manages to pitch out Punk. Not pleased about that one. Cena then helps Hornswoggle up. If Cena wanted to earn some favor with the crowd he’d launch him into the 8th row, but he instead opts to form an alliance with him. Tyson Kidd comes out at #24 and gets double-teamed by the two of them, which includes an FU by Hornswoggle. He gets eliminated shortly after that. The second Corre member to enter, Heath Slater is #25. He receives a 5 knuckle shuffle from both of them and then gets hit with the tadpole splash by Hornswoggle. Cena quickly pitches him after that. The only saving grace about this sequence is that they’re jobbing out worthless talent. Kofi Kingston is #26 and we’ll see what happens now that it’s another face in there. He actually locks up with Cena as Hornswoggle stands by and watches. That goes nowhere as Jack Swagger enters at #27. He takes down both Cena and Kingston. Hornswoggle shoves Swagger, which is enough of a distraction to allow Kingston to hit him with a high crossbody. Now Kingston and Hornswoggle hit Swagger with the Boom Drop. Sheamus runs out at #28 and I hope he destroys that horrible little nasty stereotype that’s in the ring. He comes in and attacks everyone else. When he spots Hornswoggle he shoves him down. Hornswoggle gets back up and tunes up the band. He hits Sweet Shin Music, but Sheamus quickly recovers and picks him up. He sets him on the top rope and then hits him with the Brogue Kick to punt him out of the match. Thank goodness. We get back to normalcy as Rey Mysterio enters at #29. He slides into the ring and is immediately caught by Swagger. As he tries to hit Swagger with a 619, Sheamus intercepts him with a clothesline. Swagger charges at Mysterio in the corner, but Mysterio heaves him onto the apron. As Swagger tries to reenter, Mysterio hits him with a 619 that knocks him to the floor. With everyone down, the next Corre member, Wade Barrett comes out at #30.

Kingston stomps away at Barrett in the corner as Dolph Ziggler makes history by being the first ever #31 entrant into the Rumble. It should also be noted that Ziggler already wrestled and lost to the World Champion, Edge earlier tonight. Cena, Kingston, and Mysterio team up to try and eliminate Barrett, but they’re unsuccessful. In yet another surprise entrant, #32 is Big Daddy Cool Diesel, who gets an even bigger pop than Booker. Barrett goes right after him but gets knocked down. Diesel catches Kingston and hits him with Snake Eyes. He even knocks down Cena with a clothesline. Drew McIntyre is the #33 entrant and he quickly teams up with Sheamus to take on Diesel. A ‘Let’s Go Diesel’ chant breaks out. Mysterio hits Diesel with the 619, which draws boos. The Miz’s protégé, Alex Riley enters at #34. He runs in and immediately gets punched by Cena. Meanwhile Barrett manages to dump out Diesel, which the crowd does not like. As the action continues, the Miz joins the commentary team. #35 is Big Show who has a brief staredown with Diesel in the aisle before entering the match. He knocks down everyone who comes in his path. Show grabs Ziggler and heaves him out of the ring. Cena and Kingston work together and manage to eliminate Riley, something that the commentary team, including Miz, completely miss. The final Corre member, Ezekiel Jackson is the #36 entrant. As he runs down Show manages to throw out McIntyre. Jackson clips Show in the leg and then heaves him out of the ring. Miz says that Riley is being very smart right now, apparently oblivious to the fact that was eliminated minutes ago. Santino Marella runs out at #37 and goes after Sheamus. Sheamus recovers and hits Santino with a Brogue Kick. That shot causes Santino to be knocked out of the ring, but under the bottom rope. Driving out to the ring in a Bentley is Alberto Del Rio at #38. As he postures in the aisle, Matt Stryker finally figures out that Riley was eliminated. Del Rio still hasn’t made it to the ring yet when Randy Orton runs out at #39. Orton also lost a world title match earlier tonight. He clotheslines Del Rio from behind and then sends him into the steps. He brings Del Rio into the ring and gives him the RKO. He then gives one to Sheamus and Kingston as well. He eliminates both Sheamus and Kingston after that. Orton and Cena have a staredown which draws zero response from the crowd. I absolutely love that their staredown was met with such apathy. They wanted to have an iconic moment in the same way whenever Austin/Rock, Michaels/Jannetty, or Santana/Martel met in the ring and yet nothing. Rounding out the field is Kane at #40. He comes in and punches everyone in his way.

Jackson charges at him, but Kane ducks and causes him to fall out of the ring. Kane catches Mysterio coming off the top rope. Before he can chokeslam him, Mysterio reverses it into a ‘rana that eliminates Kane. While still on the apron, Mysterio gets knocked to the floor by Barrett. We’re seemingly down to the final four of Cena, Orton, Del Rio and Barrett. From my perspective that’s a weak quartet, although the brain trust that run this company would disagree. Cena and Orton staredown again and it’s one again met with silence. To quote Nelson Muntz, ‘haw haw’. Despite being down to these last few guys, we’re still getting some pretty generic fighting between them. Suddenly Alex Riley runs back down and distracts Cena. That allows Miz to run into the ring and throw Cena out. I have to imagine that was not how that was originally supposed to play out. Riley likely got eliminated earlier than he was supposed to and that was the audible. Now Del Rio and Barrett team up against Orton. Orton recovers long enough to toss out Barrett, however, Del Rio quickly runs up behind him and throws out Orton. Del Rio begins to celebrate his victory, but suddenly Santino Marella, who had never been eliminated, reemerges. Del Rio turns around and gets hit with the Cobra. The crowd is loving this. Santino goes to throw Del Rio, but Del Rio reverses course midstream and pitches out Santino instead. Now Del Rio can officially celebrate his win.

Bottom Line: They added 10 more guys to this match and yet the roster still seemed weaker than in other recent years. We really did not need nearly a tenth of the roster to be comprised of Nexus and Corre members. Their presence also created the major sag in the middle of the match where either they or the Cena/Hornswoggle duo were dominating. On the plus side, there were a couple nice surprises and it also attempted to set up some Wrestlemania feuds. While I give them credit for trying to promote a new star in Del Rio, I think hindsight may prove that they made the wrong call by giving him the win. In fact, I think I would have rather had Santino win here, only to have him lose the title shot sometime before Wrestlemania. It would have given the match a feel-good ending and could have actually built Del Rio’s heel heat further by having him win the title shot in a more nefarious manner later down the line. This was not a strong Rumble and time (albeit only a year) has not been kind to it. ** ¾

Royal Rumble Rewind: 2009

While the winner of the '08 Rumble had been a huge surprise that no one saw coming, one year later the winner of the Rumble was painfully obvious. Lacking that surprise really puts a damper on this match as it heads towards its inevitable conclusion.

2009 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, MI

The man who holds the longevity record, Rey Mysterio, gets a chance to best his own time as he’s this year’s #1 entrant. Let’s hope this year he doesn’t spend the entire match lying on the ground. He’ll begin by squaring off against #2 John Morrison. Rey goes for a bulldog, but Morrison blocks it and nearly throws Mysterio out in the process. Mysterio reenters and tosses Morrison over. He dangles from the top rope, but does not hit the ground. # 3 is Carlito and he goes after both guys. Carlito gets tossed onto the apron, but he hangs on. He comes back in with a springboard moonsault on Morrison. Some impressive near eliminations thus far. MVP is out at #4 and gets a nice chant from the crowd despite being in the midst of a losing streak at this time. He attempts the Ballin’ elbow on Morrison, but Mysterio blocks it. MVP hits Mysterio with a suplex and then completes the elbow drop. The string of athletic competitors comes to a halt as The Great Khali comes out at #5. Everybody goes after him, but he knocks everyone down. Khali is the only guy standing, but nobody has been eliminated yet. Our world tour continues with the big Russia, Vladimir Koslov out at #6. He goes after Khali and manages to single-handledly eliminate him with a clothesline. MVP attempts to hit Koslov with a running kick, but he avoids it. Koslov then dumps MVP out. Carlito tries his luck, but Koslov catches him with a spinebuster. He throws him out shortly thereafter. Before he can do anymore damage, Triple H enters at #7. The two of them tangle and after Koslov gets hit with a facebuster, HHH is able to throw him out of the ring. #8 is Randy Orton who enters the match surrounded in controversy after punting Vince McMahon in the head the past week on RAW. He comes in and goes right after HHH. Orton attempts the RKO, but HHH blocks it. As he tries for the Pedigree, Morrison comes over and hits him with a kick. Then Mysterio nails Orton with a plancha. He follows that up with a 619 on Morrison. Both members of Cryme Time come out at #9 and they flip a coin to decide who will actually get to enter. JTG wins the flip and Shad learns after the fact that it was a two-headed coin. Cute. Meanwhile no one is close to being eliminated at the moment. #10 is Ted Dibiase (Jr.) who was part of Orton’s Legacy group at the time. Dibiase throws both JTG and Morrison over the top rope, but both hang on. As they hang on the top rope, they both begin to kick and fight each other, however neither is successful in knocking the other guy down. Meanwhile, Mysterio sends Dibiase over the top rope and nearly eliminates him. Credit to everyone thus far for some daredevil moves to avoid elimination.

Things just got a whole lot more interesting with Mr. Serious Chris Jericho out at #11. He goes after HHH which is a strategy I wouldn’t recommend if you want to stay in the match. Jericho blocks a Pedigree attempt and then tries to put on the Walls of Jericho, but HHH powers out of that. HHH throws Jericho over and he has a near elimination of his own. #12 is Mike Knox who immediately goes after Mysterio. While most guys are fighting, Orton and Dibiase gather in a corner to strategize. Morrison’s tag partner, The Miz enters at #13. He manages to get a shot in on everyone. Orton hits RKOs on Morrison, Miz, and JTG. His onslaught is stopped by HHH, who hits him with a Pedigree. HHH grabs Morrison and whips him into the Miz, causing both guys to fall over the top rope and to the ground. Mysterio gets thrown out, but he walks on the backs of Morrison and Miz to avoid touching the ground and reenter the ring. Man, another innovative spot. Finlay is the #14 entrant and fights everyone that comes near him. He comes close to eliminating Dibiase, but Orton makes the save. And now Orton’s group gets stronger as the other Legacy member, Cody Rhodes enters at #15. The three of them gang up and attack the rest of the entrants in the ring. Mysterio tries a springboard move on Orton, but Orton catches him with an RKO. Man, if Mysterio had been this active and innovative in ’06, I would not have minded him getting the longevity record. #16 is GONG!, The Undertaker. Everybody backs up bracing for him to enter the ring. He strikes everyone in sight and then throws out JTG. He hits Rhodes with Snake Eyes and a big boot. Speaking of Rhodes, his older brother, Dustin, aka Goldust comes out at #17. The two brothers have a staredown before Goldust knocks him down with a right hand. He backdrops Cody over the top rope, but he manages to hang on. Orton helps his friend by giving Goldust an RKO. He then orders Rhodes to throw out Goldust, which he does. #18 is C.M. Punk and he everyone with kicks and knees. HHH attempts to hit him with a Pedigree, but Punk escapes and connects with the GTS on him. Wow! Punk should savor that moment. Mark Henry is the #19 entrant. Way too many guys in there right now with no one close to being eliminated. Shelton Benjamin is out at #20 and he must be thrilled that Shawn Michaels is not entered into this year’s Rumble match. Punk and Jericho precariously fight with each other on the top rope. Benjamin hops up there with both of them and takes both guys down to the mat. HHH tosses Punk, but he manages to hang on.

William Regal is out at #21 and I don’t see him being the guy that will help thin the herd. He goes after Punk, who just recently beat him for the Intercontinental title. A big boot by the Undertaker eliminates Mark Henry off camera. #22 is Kofi Kingston and hits everyone in sight. Although with as many guys in the right as there are right now, he barely has to move and he can hit someone. Taker catches a flying Benjamin and slams him to the mat. He then casually dumps him out of the ring. Meanwhile Mysterio has wrapped himself upside down around the ring post in order to avoid elimination. Kane is the #23 entrant and hopefully he can do some house cleaning. Kane and Taker have a face off and decide they’ll team up this year. They chokeslam Dibiase together. Meanwhile Punk manages to pull Regal over the top rope and send him to the floor. What’s up? Well R-Truth is out at #24. That’s what’s up. A numbers of guys team up to get rid of Kane, but they are unsuccessful. In a surprise return, Rob Van Dam enters at #25. He jumps in and hits Kane with a kick. A big RVD chant breaks out. As he hits Rolling Thunder on HHH and R-Truth, THE Brian Kendrick enters at #26. As Kingston does a 10 punch count on Knox, Kendrick runs up and shoves Kingston out of the ring. HHH then grabs Kendrick and immediately pitches him out of the ring. That may be the fastest elimination for someone who also manages to eliminate someone else. RVD throws Punk over the top rope, and he has another close elimination. #27 is Dolph Ziggler who sprints to the ring. He introduces himself to Kane, who takes his hand and immediately throws him out of the ring. #28 is Santino Marella. Upon entering the ring, he is immediately and I do mean immediately clotheslined right back out by Kane. That just broke the Warlord’s 2 second record. Crowd is legitimately bummed about that quick exit thought. Thus far the high numbers have not been very lucky. It’s another surprise at #29 as the very first Rumble winner, Hacksaw Jim Duggan comes out at #29. Crowd starts a USA chant. He should have been the guy to get the one second elimination. Finally at #30 is the Big Show and we can only hope he finally clears the ring of the midcarders.

He opts to square off against Taker instead. But before they can go at, Kane hits Show with an uppercut. Duggan comes over and tries to slam Show, but you can imagine how that goes. Show quickly dumps Duggan after that foolish attempt. Jericho hops on Show’s back and applies a sleeper. Show breaks out of it with a sideslam. Show grabs R-Truth and press slams him out of the ring. Show throws Punk out three times, but each time he manages to hang on. However, on the third save, Show walks over and punches him to send him to the floor. Meanwhile Mysterio and Knox have been eliminated, but the camera failed to capture how it happened. Hornswoggle comes in for some reason and goes after Kane. Kane easily swats him away and then eliminates Finlay. Not sure what the point of that was. Replays show that Big Show had eliminated Knox and Mysterio as they were fighting each other. Orton grabs HHH and hits him with a DDT from the second rope. Show and Taker now go at it slugging each other. RVD hits the five star frog splash on Orton, but as he gets up, Jericho throws him out of the ring. As Jericho smiles at his work, he turns around and gets attacked by Taker. Jericho manages to hit Taker with the codebreaker, but when he attempts a clothesline, Taker sidesteps him and dumps him out of the ring. As Kane attacks Orton, Dibiase and Rhodes run up behind him and throw him out. Legacy now work together on Taker while Show goes after HHH. Taker fights back and manages to deliver a chokeslam to all three of them. Taker boots Show, but he too manages to hang on. Taker tries to knock Show off the apron, but Orton comes over and attempts an RKO. Taker blocks that effort, but when he goes back over to Show, he gets pulled over the top rope. As they fight on the apron, Orton comes over and jawjacks Show to knock him to the floor. Taker continues to fight Legacy from the apron when Show yanks him to the floor. Taker and Show continue their brawl on the floor. Meanwhile, we’re down to the Final Four consisting of HHH and all three Legacy members. I don’t like those odds. The three of them triple-team HHH with Orton barking out orders. Orton goes for an RKO, but HHH shoves him off. As HHH attempts to Pedigree Rhodes, Orton comes over. HHH manages to backdrop Orton, but he hangs onto the apron. HHH completes the Pedigree on Rhodes and then throws out Dibiase. HHH grabs Rhodes and throws him out as well. However as he does that, Orton comes back in and comes up behind HHH to dump him out and win the match. Legacy then celebrate together in the ring to zero response from the crowd.

Bottom Line: Man, that was a rather uninspired finish to the match. I don’t care for Orton winning at all, but they at least could have done something more creative. Having Legacy team up killed the whole ‘every man for himself’ mantra associated with the match. The lack of response by the crowd proves they didn’t do a good job in either choosing a winner or effectively closing the match. As for the rest of the Rumble, I did like the number of creative near eliminations that several guys exhibited. That was a lot of fun. However, they needed more eliminations spread out throughout the match. Too many guys were still in there at the end and no one had the ability to do much other than punch and kick before the mass exodus in the closing minutes. This one is a definite drop in quality over last year’s. *** ¼

Royal Rumble Rewind: 2006

Starting with this one, the rest of these Royal Rumble review will be new content that has not been posted anywhere else. Enjoy!

2006 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the American Airlines Arena in Miami, FL

As if things weren’t bad enough that this Rumble is getting a midcard slot, we kick off this year’s match with a cheer from the Spirit Squad. Even though they’re uber-annoying, the crowd can barely muster the energy to boo them. Not a good sign. They certainly wake up though upon seeing that Triple H is #1. #2 is Rey Mysterio, who comes out to the ring in a low ride. He drapes one of Eddie Guerrero’s shirts on the hood. Mysterio is dedicating the match to Guerrero who had passed away two months prior. Mysterio uses his speed to gain an early advantage on HHH. He delivers a 10-punch count on HHH as the crowd chants ‘Eddie’. HHH avoids a 619 as Simon Dean rolls out on his Segway at #3. Dean puts the boots to Mysterio as HHH looks on. When Dean asks for a high five from HHH, he gets punched instead. Mysterio and HHH team up and dump Dean to the floor together. As Mysterio connects with a Bronco Buster, Psicosis enters at #4. Psicosis takes it to both guys. As he tries to do a Razor’s Edge on Mysterio, Rey reverses it into a hurricanrana and sends Psicosis out of the ring. Whooo, it’s Ric Flair at #5 and he has issues with HHH. He chops and punches away on HHH. It should be noted that as these two go at, Rey is just lying on the mat. Something he’ll be doing a LOT in this match. Flair makes a charge, but HHH backdrops him out of the ring. Before HHH can catch his breath, Big Show is out at #6. He too was at odds with HHH at this time. Show lays some vicious chops in on HHH as Mysterio continues to lie down. Mysterio gets up long enough to receive a headbutt from Show and he’s back down again. Show delivers a series of elbow drops on HHH. Jonathan Coachman, yes announcer Jonathan Coachman comes out at #7. He foolishly tries to attack Big Show. Show turns around and piefaces Coach right out of the ring. Looks like he’s getting the Bushwacker award tonight. Show returns his focus to HHH as Rey continues to lie on the mat. Bobby Lashley is #8 and he has a staredown with Show. Show attempts to chokeslam him, but Lashley escapes and then backdrops him. Lashley whips Mysterio hard to the corner, so he’ll probably be down for another 5 minutes from that. Big Show’s tag partner at that time, Kane is #9. He slugs it out with Lashley in the proverbial ‘irresistible force meeting the immovable object’ battle. Lashley connects with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex to Kane. After press slamming HHH, Lashley hits Kane with the Dominator. The power moves are nice, but the name of the game is eliminating people, something he hasn’t done yet. #10 is Sylvan and he tries to forge a partnership with Lashley. However, he quickly attempts to double-cross him, which doesn’t end well. Lashley quickly grabs him and heaves him out of the ring. Big Show and Kane are both back up now. They give Lashley a tandem chokeslam and then casually eliminate him. The two tag partners actually go at it while Mysterio and HHH are still lying down. Show and Kane try to eliminate each other when HHH comes up and dumps both of them out of the ring.

#11 is Carlito. He puts the boots to both Mysterio and HHH. Carlito hits Mysterio with the backstabber. That should give Mysterio another reason to take a breaker. Chris Benoit comes out at #12 and delivers chops and suplexes to everyone in the ring. Finally, an infusion of energy into this match. Benoit puts Carlito into the Crossface until HHH breaks it up. Benoit tries to suplex HHH out of the ring, but HHH blocks it and crotches him on the top rope. Benoit knocks HHH down and then connects with the flying headbutt. You better dig it sucka because #13 is Booker T. He goes right after Benoit, who he’s been feuding with recently. Benoit blocks Booker’s elimination attempt and quickly hiptosses him out of the ring. Man Booker gave Coach a run for his money there. Although to be fair, Booker was dealing with a groin injury that probably prevented him from being able to fully compete in this match. Benoit goes back to squaring off against HHH while Carlito has to pick up Mysterio in order to get him to do something. One half of MNM, Joey Mercury, is #14. He attacks everyone until Benoit catches him with a German suplex. The pairs are now Benoit/HHH and Mercury/Carlito leaving Rey to…you guess it…lie on the mat. #15 is Tatanka as a surprise entrant. If that’s the best they can do for a surprise return, things don’t look good for this match. His appearance prompts the Miami crowd to begin the ‘Tomahawk Chop’ chant. Lots of punching and kicking right now with no one near elimination. Mercury’s tag partner, Johnny Nitro is #16. Benoit gets HHH over the top rope, but he manages to hang on. Lawler suggests that Eddie divinely gave Mysterio the #2 entry so he could watch him for a long time. If Eddie has nothing better to do than watch Mysterio laze around for an hour then the afterlife must be extremely boring. #17 is Trevor Murdoch. HHH grabs Mysterio and throws him over, but Mysterio hangs on. He comes back into the ring and immediately clutches the bottom rope. Apparently HHH can’t take the hint that Mysterio has no interest in being active tonight. Another surprise entrant is the returning Eugene at #18. Murdoch punches him, but Eugene no sells it. Eugene gives him an airplane spin that makes both of them dizzy. #19 is Animal from LOD and I’m surprised he can still find shoulderpads that fit over his stomach. We’ve got way too many guys in there right now and most of them are complete losers. #20 marks the big return of Rob Van Dam, who had been out for nearly a year with a knee injury. He delivers kicks to everyone who comes within distance of him. Animal charges at him, but he backdrops him out of the ring to clear some deadweight.

Orlando Jordan is #21, but frankly I think I would have preferred the other OJ. At least he knows how to eliminate people. What? Too soon? RVD heaves Carlito over the top rope, but he manages to hang on. Now the guy who should have been dedicating this match to Eddie, his cousin Chavo comes out at #22. He goes after Mysterio, no doubt miffed at him stealing his rightful dedication. He now delivers Eddie’s Three Amigos to Joey Mercury. Chavo goes up top to deliver a frog splash, but HHH shoves him to the floor before he can deliver the move. So apparently Eddie had no interest in offering his actual family any divine intervention in this match. There’s still way too many guys in there. Matt Hardy enters at #23 as we still wait for a top guy to come out and do some house cleaning. MNM team up and hit Tatanka with the Snapshot. That’s enough to eliminate him. He’s Super…he’s crazy…he’s Super Crazy and he’s also #24. More punching and kicking and a whole lot of nothingness. Oh thank heavens it’s Shawn Michaels at #25. He attacks everyone in sight. Then he gets productive by dumping Murdoch out of the ring. I was hoping for more than just that though. That loud sigh of indifference you hear is the indication that Chris Masters is out at #26. Matt Hardy and HHH come close to eliminating each other, but both manage to hang on. Shawn Michaels uses a headscissors to try and eliminate Mercury, but his partner grabs him to prevent him from going out. The world’s largest love machine, Viscera is our #27 entrant. He grabs Matt Hardy and gives him the Walrus. And if you don’t know what that is, consider yourself lucky. I’m sure Matt created a whiny YouTube video complaining about being treated like that. Hardy tries to give Viscera the Twist of Fate, but Vis picks him up and throws him out of the ring. Led to the ring by his momma, Shelton Benjamin comes out at #28. Meanwhile Benoit manages to unceremoniously eliminate Eugene. It’s yet another surprise entrant as #29 is Goldust. Still more punching and kicking. And if you’re wondering is Rey Mysterio is lying on the mat, well he is. #30 is Randy Orton and I wonder what he did in order to get that number. He runs in and immediately eliminates Benoit. Given how much worthless talent is still in the ring, that seemed unnecessary.

With all entrants out we still have over a third of them still in this match. Carlito and Masters team up to eliminate Viscera. As Masters celebrates, Carlito takes the opportunity to throw him out of the ring as well. Let it be known that nobody will ever confuse Chris Masters for an intelligent man. Goldust grabs Carlito and is able to hit him with Shattered Dreams. However, he then gets blindsided by an RVD kick, which knocks him out of the ring. Meanwhile Orton gets Jordan over the top rope and knocks him off the apron to eliminate him. Shawn Michaels hits HHH with the flying forearm. Before he can get rolling, MNM attack him from behind. They attempt to give him the Snapshot, but he escapes. He then manages to eliminate both of them single-handedly. Michaels turns around only to be hit with a kick by Benjamin. Michaels recovers and gets him over the top rope. Benjamin hangs on, but Michaels hits him with Sweet Chin Music to officially eliminate him. Shawn is cleaning house! But before he can do any more damage, ‘No Chance in Hell’ plays and out comes Vince McMahon. From the outside he starts jawing at Michaels. As Michaels yells back, Shane McMahon runs out of nowhere and throws him out of the ring. Michaels realizes this and chases after him. Before he can do that, HHH cuts him off. Michaels escapes a Pedigree attempt and then runs to the back to go after Shane. That was majorly disappointing. Back to the ring when an RVD spin kick sends Carlito out of the ring. We’re now down to our Final Four consisting of RVD, Randy Orton, but our #1 and #2 entrants, HHH and Rey Mysterio. Mysterio calls over RVD, no doubt asking if he can do all the work for him. They team up to work over HHH and Orton. RVD goes up top for a frog splash, but HHH crotches him. HHH then catapults Mysterio into RVD, causing him to fall down to the floor and be eliminated. Now Orton and HHH, former Evolution teammates work together against Mysterio. Mysterio is able to divide and conquer though. He drops both of them to the second rope and hits a tandem 619. Orton goes for an RKO on HHH, but he blocks it and hits him with a spinebuster instead. HHH attempts to give Mysterio a spinebuster, but he reverses it into a ‘rana that sends HHH up and over. HHH is stunned. We’re down to Orton and Mysterio. HHH pulls Mysterio out of the ring and sends him into the steps. He then puts him back in the ring to leave him for Orton. Orton picks up Mysterio who is deadweight. As he tries to eliminate him, Mysterio once again reverses it into a ‘rana which sends Orton out of the ring and gives Rey the win.

Bottom Line: This is by far my least favorite Rumble. On the action alone, this would have been already near the bottom. There were very few memorable spots and the roster was one of the weakest of the decade. But what makes this one stand out among other lackluster Rumbles is Rey Mysterio’s ‘performance’. There are so many grating things about it. While he had always been a top star, he got a huge push merely because his friend Eddie passed away. These nauseating levels at which the announcers tried to sell Rey’s success as divine intervention was aptly dubbed ‘Eddiesploitation’ around the Internet. It’s also annoying that Rey’s victory broke the longevity record as he lasted over 62 minutes. When Flair went an hour in ’92, he delivered offensive moves from bell to bell. And yet Mysterio goes into the record book for basically lying on the mat for an hour. I don’t mean to sound bitter, but this one leaves a bad taste in my mouth. *