"Carmona" throws a curveball

From SI.com:

From year to year and game to game, the Cleveland Indians never knew what to expect from Fausto Carmona.

On Thursday, he stunned them again.

Carmona, the Indians' opening-day starter last season, was arrested in the Dominican Republic for allegedly using a false identity. Officials in his native country are contesting his real name and birthdate.

Police spokesman Maximo Baez Aybar said Carmona was arrested in Santo Domingo outside the U.S. consulate, where he had gone to renew his visa. Carmona had played winter ball in the Dominican as he prepared to report to the Indians' training camp in Goodyear, Ariz., next month.

At this point, his future with the club is uncertain.

Aybar said Carmona's real name is apparently Roberto Hernandez Heredia and he's 31, three years older than the pitcher claimed. The Indians list Carmona's birthday as Dec. 7, 1983, in their 2011 media guide.

"We were recently made aware of the situation that occurred today in the Dominican Republic and are currently in the process of gathering information," Indians general manager Chris Antonetti said. "We are not prepared to make any additional comment at this time."

Carmona's agent said he was caught off-guard by the arrest and that there are Dominican lawyers working on the player's behalf. He did not disclose the names of the lawyers.

"This took us by complete surprise," agent Jay Alou said. "What we have to do now is wait to find out the process that has to be done with the consulate with this new identity in order to see if he can get a new work visa."

Carmona's arrest is the second involving a major leaguer in four months in a false identity case. Miami Marlins reliever Leo Nunez was arrested in September. Last month, an apologetic Nunez said he falsified his identify when he was young so he could play professional baseball. Nunez's real name is Juan Carlos Oviedo and he's 29, a year older than listed in the Marlins' media guide.

Carmona's career in Cleveland has been one of extremes.

After going 1-10 in 2006, the right-hander with a wicked slider came out of nowhere to win 19 games in 2007, shocking the Indians who had briefly experimented with him as a closer. Carmona, though, followed up with a disappointing 2008 season, and in 2009 the club sent him to the lower minors to work on his mechanics.

Carmona rebounded to win 13 games in 2010 in manager Manny Acta's first season. Although he went just 7-15 last season, Carmona stayed healthy, didn't miss a start and was expected to be part of the starting rotation this season. The Indians picked up his $7 million option for 2012 in October.

The Indians signed Carmona to a four-year contract in 2008. The club has options on him for 2013 at $9 million and 2014 at $12 million.

Cleveland signed Carmona as a free agent in 2000.

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1997

While he obviously had bigger or more historic moments in his career, it could be argued that Stone Cold Steve Austin's dubious win at this year's Rumble was key in turning him into the superstar that he became.

1997 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Alamodome in San Antonio, TX

Crush has drawn #1 and shockingly Ahmed Johnson is #2. Who would have thought that two men who are at odds with each other would draw the first two numbers? Crush hammers away on Ahmed in the corner, but Ahmed comes right back with a clothesline. Ahmed already appears to be blown up as Crush tries to get him out of the ring. With no countdown or buzzer, “Razor Ramon” comes down at #3. Ahmed meets Razor as soon as he gets in the ring and moments later tosses him out. Ahmed then dumps Crush, but Crush hangs on and brings himself back in. All of a sudden, Ahmed hops over the top rope and eliminates himself. We soon see it was because Farooq came down the aisle. Ahmed chases him to the back and Crush is left alone in the ring. That doesn’t last long as Phinneas Godwinn comes out at #4 (still no countdown). Phinneas immediately tries dumping Crush, but Crush wraps himself around the ropes. As the two slug it out, the glass breaks, which means it’s Stone Cold Steve Austin at #5. Crush holds Phinneas for Austin, but Austin misses and hits Crush instead. Austin then shrugs his shoulders as if to say “Eh, who cares”. Nice! That error, however, allows Phinneas to toss out Crush. As Phinneas celebrates, Austin comes up, stunners him and then harshly heaves him to the floor. Bart Gunn is #6 and tries to gain a quick upper hand on Austin with a Rocker dropper. As Gunn charges at Austin, Austin sidesteps him and clotheslines him out. Austin is making light work of everyone so far, so he does some push-ups while he waits for the next guy. He then hops up into the corner and checks his pretend watch. His wait is finally over as Jake “the Snake” Roberts strolls out at #7. A nice wink back to their King of the Ring final. Jake actually hits the short-arm clothesline, but when he goes for the DDT, Austin backdrops him to the floor. Austin then whips Roberts’ snake bag at him. The PETA people won’t like that, but then again it’s not like Austin refused to feed the snake like Jake did. During Jake’s elimination, the buzzer rang and now we get entrant #8, the British Bulldog, who’s BIZARRE. The Bulldog and Austin have been at odds with each other recently. The Bulldog goes right after Austin and kicks away at him. #9 is Pierroth, who fails to illicit any reaction from the crowd. Pierroth begins to fight with the Bulldog, giving Austin a breather. The Sultan is #10 and he goes after Pierroth when he gets into the ring. Meanwhile, the Bulldog almost gets Austin out.

#11 is Mil Mascaras and these time periods seem to be getting shorter than 90 seconds. Can somebody tell me what the deal is with Mascaras? First, he wears these tights that make him look like he’s wearing a diaper. Then, there’s his legs. Are they detachable? There is such an indentation between where his legs connect to his torso that he looks like an action figure. Maybe he wears a mask all the time to take notice away from the lower half of his body. Anyway, he comes in and goes after the Sultan. HHH is entrant #12 and we do not have one clear-cut babyface in there currently, which is really strange. Everyone pairs as it’s the Bulldog and the Sultan, Mascaras and HHH and Austin and Pierroth. The Bulldog clotheslines the Sultan, and as he staggers to get up, the Bulldog clotheslines him again, but this time it’s to the floor. Austin grabs HHH and tosses him over, but HHH is able to hang on. Pierroth and Mascaras go at it as Owen Hart comes out at #13. Owen and the Bulldog take turns attacking Austin. As the Bulldog tries to eliminate Austin, Owen comes up and dumps the Bulldog out. The Bulldog is furious and Owen pleads innocent. Everything is not well in the land of the tag champs. #14 is Goldust, who is jumped by Austin as soon as he hits the ring. We now have Owen vs. Mascaras, Austin vs. Goldust and HHH vs. Pierroth. #15 is Cibernetico. OK, enough with the AAA guys. We don’t care! Goldust tosses HHH over and again HHH hangs on. Marc Mero comes out at #16 as Pierroth eliminates Cibernetico. Then, Pierroth gets dumped out by Mascaras. Mascaras then stupidly goes up top and jumps into Cibernetico and Pierroth, thus eliminating himself. Well, that took care of the Mexican contingency real quick. Goldust and Mero work together and eliminate HHH thus giving Goldust some retribution for his loss earlier. Just when we think the AAA guys are gone, Latin Lover comes out at #17. Goldust dodges a dropkick by the Latin Lover, but moves right into a clothesline by Owen, which sends him to the floor. Farooq comes in at #18 and makes an immediate impact by backdropping the Latin Lover out of the ring. That’s all Farooq will do because soon after, Ahmed comes out with a big board and chases Farooq out of the ring. Then as the referees try to regain control, Austin dumps both Owen and Mero out, leaving him by himself. In another nice nod to Austin’s past, it is Savio Vega, who comes out at #19. The two brawl until Vega gets the upper hand with a slingshot and spinning heel kick. Austin comes back, however, by hitting Vega with a hot shot and then clotheslining him to the floor. As Austin waves on the next guy, we see it’s Double J Jesse James at #20. He tries his luck, but Austin quickly dispenses of him as well.

Now Austin perches himself in the corner again eagerly anticipating the next entrant. The buzzer sounds and lo and behold it’s Bret Hart, the man he’s currently feuding with. The two go at it and Bret gets the better of the exchange. Bret locks Austin in the Sharpshooter as the buzzer sounds. #22 is none other than Jerry Lawler, who stops mid-sentence, gets up from the announce table and hops into the ring. As soon as he hopped in, Bret comes over and punches him right back out of the ring. Lawler dusts himself off, goes back over to the announce table and finishes his sentence. Classic Rumble moment. Bret continues to dominate Austin as “Diesel” enters at #23. Diesel attacks Bret allowing Austin to rest. Now Austin is able to go back on the attack as he throws Bret chest-first into the corner. Terry Funk is out at #24. He goes after Austin as Bret and Diesel duke it out. As Funk hits a weak piledriver on Bret, Rocky Maivia comes out at #25. Naturally, he goes after Austin because those two are like magnets, only we didn’t know that yet at this point. Mankind strolls out at #26 and just like Rocky naturally went after Austin, he goes after Funk. Some big star-power in the ring right now. Bret locks Austin in a sleeper, but Austin quickly jawjacks him. Flash Funk is your #27 entrant and J.R. quickly notes he’s not related to Terry. Thanks J.R. He comes in and goes up top where he then launches himself onto Diesel and Funk. The buzzer sounds and clearly it’s time for Vader to be #28. Everyone is kinda milling around now, preparing for the end game. #29 is Henry Godwinn and I question why he didn’t come out with the rest of the mid-card during the first half of the Rumble. There are some near eliminations but no one is gone just yet. We now get entrant #30, who is the Undertaker and he’s got a prime spot.

He comes in and goes right after Vader to avenge his loss earlier tonight. Now Taker goes after everyone, including his own brother, err…I mean, Diesel. Flash charges at Vader, who catches him and then tosses him over his head and to the floor. Impressive bump there. Taker whips Henry over, but he manages to hang on. However, a few moments later Taker and Henry tangle again and this time he is able to eliminate him. Bret comes close to eliminating Austin. Rocky comes off the ropes, but Mankind catches him in the Mandible Claw and forces him over the top rope and to the floor. Mankind and Funk begin to brawl and Mankind clotheslines both of them over the top rope, but not to the floor. Before Mankind can recover though, Taker boots him to the floor. Mankind and Funk begin to brawl on the floor. Bret grabs Austin from behind and finally eliminates him. That means your Final Four are: Bret Hart, Diesel, Undertaker and Vader. But wait a second…Austin sneaks back into the ring because the referees did not see him hit the floor as they were all occupied with Mankind and Funk. Austin goes behind Vader and Taker and dumps them both. He then sneaks behind Bret, who had just tossed out Diesel, and eliminates him as well. The bell rings and Austin is declared the winner.

Postmatch: Furious, Bret loses it and beats up the referee. He then goes outside, grabs Vince and begins to yell at him. What a sore loser!

Bottom Line: This Rumble is tough to rate. It started off real slow. Part of the problem was a dead crowd and the other half was nothing interesting going on. However, once Bret hit the ring things really picked up. There was a lot of star power in there, which made it difficult to figure out who was going to win it and then they provided a very creative, yet controversial finish. For me, this is one of my favorite Rumbles as there were some great moments (Austin’s antics, Lawler’s cameo) and a satisfying finish as I loved seeing Bret’s world come crashing down on him. Not the best Rumble, but definitely an improvement over the past couple. *** ¼

RBR: A Good Old Fashioned Orgy

This film was quietly released in theaters last fall and given the rather raunchy subject matter never got much of an audience despite boasting a cast of talented comedians like Jason Sudekis, Nick Kroll, Martin Starr, and Will Forte. The premise is that Sudekis is your typical man-child who loves throwing extravagant parties at his father's beach house. When his dad decides to sell the place, Sudekis decides that the final blowout will be an orgy with his friends. While the film does eventually get to the titular sex romp, the film really sags in the middle leading up to the event. There's not a lot going on other than some feeble attempts at character development in order to set up the key moments at the party. I will give the film credit though for actually following through on its promise, even if it doesn't turn out exactly as they had planned. The film works well enough thanks in large part to its funny leads. I especially liked the limited appearance of Will Forte and Lucy Punch who play a married couple who feel excluded from the rest of the gang's activities. Ultimately though this feels like a film that was sold based on its title alone and the writers really had nothing beyond that climatic scene. There are enough laughs here to make it worth a rental, but I certainly hope these actors, particularly Sudekis, are not stuck doing these B-level sex comedies for the rest of their careers. They're too gifted to be wasted in one-note films like these. Rating: ***

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1996

While the winner of the '96 Rumble may seem familiar, it was clear that the early seeds were being sown for a sea change in the WWF as many future stars make this first appearance in this match/

1996 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Selland Arena in Fresno, CA

HHH is #1 after losing, via DQ, to Duke “the Dumpster” Drosse during the first ever Free For All. And at #2 is the surprise of all surprises Henry O’ Godwinn, who is just coming off a feud with HHH. HHH and Godwinn slug it out until Godwinn knocks him down with a clothesline. Godwinn whips HHH to the corner where he flips and flops, but doesn’t fall out. HHH is pressed over Godwinn’s head, but he escapes before getting thrown out. #3 is Mr. Bob Backlund, who comes in and stops Godwinn from eliminating HHH. Everybody takes their shots at each other with no alliances showing. Jerry Lawler is #4 and he grabs Godwinn’s slop bucket. As HHH and Backlund hold Godwinn, Lawler gets ready to slop him. However, Godwinn escapes and grabs his bucket back as the heels flee to the floor. With their backs turned, Godwinn pours the bucket’s contents on all three of them. Order is finally restored and Bob Holly enters at #5. HHH throws Godwinn over, but he hangs on and rolls back in. #6 is Mabel and he goes right after Godwinn. Lawler joins his fellow king against Godwinn while HHH and Holly square off. Jake “the Snake” Roberts slithers out at #7 and immediately releases his snake into the ring. Then Jake grabs Lawler and lays the snake on him, causing Lawler to crawl out of the ring. Still no one has been eliminated as Dory Funk Jr. hobbles down at #8. Jake goes for a DDT on HHH but he blocks it. As no one does anything interesting, we see Lawler is hiding underneath the ring. #9 is Yokozuna and if the ring wasn’t filled enough already, it certainly is now. Yoko makes an immediate impact by eliminating Backlund. Mabel and Yoko go at it and Mabel splashes Yoko in the corner with Godwinn behind both of them. Oomph! At #10 is the Kid who’s looking behind him all the way down to the ring with good reason as Razor soon chases after him. The Usual Bunch of Idiots escort Razor back before he can get to the Kid. While all that happened, Jake dumped Godwinn out.

#11 is Asian sensation, Ohmari who gets Aja Kong’s music, or is it Tenryu and Kitao’s? Perhaps, it’s the Orient Express’ music. I can’t tell. More nothingness happens as #12 Savio Vega comes out. After receiving a spinning heel kick from Savio, Mabel is dumped out by Yoko. Jake and Ohmari spill over the top rope but only Ohmari falls to the floor. #13 is Vader, who is accompanied by Jim Cornette. Vader chooses his first target to be Holly. Good choice. From the apron, Savio backdrops Funk to the floor. The buzzer sounds and we get another “who?” participant. This time it’s Doug Gilbert at #14. Jake DDTs Savio to a nice pop. In the most ludicrous spot of the night, Jake gets hit by Vader in the middle of the ring and then stumbles all the way to the side and over the top rope. Squat Team member #1 comes out at #15 as fans begin to wonder if this is the Royal Rumble or an indy show battle royal. Vader now begins to dominate as he press slams Gilbert to the floor and then launches Squat Team member #1 over the top rope. Yoko and Vader begin to brawl much to Cornette’s dismay. As Squat Team member #1 heads out, the buzzer sounds and out comes Squat Team member #2 as #16. What a co-inky-dink! They both decide to go to the ring only to both be eliminated by Vader and Yoko respectively. #17 is Owen Hart and he also decides to start off by attacking Holly. Vader and Yoko are now working together to beat up Savio. #18 is Shawn Michaels and our Clique count is up to 3. As Shawn attacks HHH, Vader clotheslines Savio out of the ring. Yoko and Vader start going at it again, which allows Shawn to come up from behind and eliminate both of them. Yeah riiight! Then just for kicks, Shawn press slams the Kid to the floor also. Hakushi comes out at #19 as Vader and Yoko continue to brawl on the floor. Vader comes back in the ring and press slams Shawn to the floor. He then clears the ring of everyone, forcing a bunch of referees and interim president Gorilla Monsoon to come out and force Vader to leave the ring. All the people Vader just “eliminated” come back in and out comes #20 Tatanka. What rock did they find him under? HHH knocks Shawn over, but he hangs on. Meanwhile, Hakushi isn’t as lucky as Owen dumps him to the floor.

Jacques Strap, err, I mean Aldo Montoya is out at #21. By the way, why the hell is Bob Holly still in this Rumble? He should have been eliminated with the rest of the riff raff minutes ago. Shawn, now on the floor, grabs Lawler and brings him back into the ring. As Shawn officially eliminates Lawler and Tatanka clotheslines Aldo out, Diesel strolls out at #22. Diesel comes in and immediately eliminates Tatanka. Diesel then actually knocks Shawn down. #23 is Kama, who comes out to zero reaction. Ouch, I mean, even Doug Gilbert got some reaction. We’ve now paired off as it’s Diesel and Kama, HHH and Owen, and Shawn and Holly. A fresh-faced young man that goes by Steve Austin, but is now called The Ringmaster comes out at #24. I wonder if he’ll ever amount to anything. As Mr. Perfect sings Austin’s praises, Austin beats up on Holly. Holly flips Austin over, but he hangs on and sneaks up and eliminates Holly on the other side. Finally! That elimination actually got some cheers, which proves there are still some sane people in California. Barry Horowitz is #25 and still can’t catch a break as he’s immediately grabbed by Diesel upon entry. As everyone seems to be standing around, Diesel wakes everyone up by quickly tossing HHH to the floor. Lasting until #25 was still a very good showing by HHH. Fatu is #26, but somehow I don’t think he’ll “make a difference” in this match. Owen tries to suplex Shawn out, but he blocks it. As #27 Issac Yankem gets in the ring, Owen backdrops Horowitz out of the ring. Owen then goes over and hits Shawn with the enziguri, the move that put Shawn on the shelf last November. As Owen goes to throw Shawn’s limp body out, Diesel comes from behind and tosses Owen to the floor. Marty Janetty is #28 and we’re back to punching and kicking. Shawn and Marty start to brawl which means these two have taken over for Martel and Santana as the ex-tag partners guaranteed to go at it in the Rumble. Kama gets Fatu over but not to the floor. #29 is the British Bulldog, who gets a nice draw for a guy coming off being the #1 contender at last month’s In Your House. Making an impact already, the Bulldog backdrops Janetty to the floor. While the Bulldog and Shawn fight, we see in the background Fatu clothesline Austin out of the ring. Geez, first this and then attempted vehicular homicide. Man, Fatu’s really got it out for this guy. Fatu can’t celebrate for too long as Yankem comes up and clotheslines him out. Thanks to the Free For All match, Duke Drosse is your #30 entrant.

He goes right after Yankem, as the Bulldog and Shawn, neither eliminated, brawl on the floor. Out of nowhere, Owen comes back and helps the Bulldog attack Shawn. Back inside, Shawn is pressed by the Bulldog, but Diesel stops him from tossing Shawn out. Shawn now gets the strength to dropkick Yankem and eliminate him. Diesel and Kama team up and get rid of Duke. That makes our Final Four: Shawn Michaels (naturally), the Bulldog (perfectly acceptable), Diesel (makes sense) and Kama (huh?). The Bulldog dumps Shawn over, but he slips back in and clotheslines the Bulldog to the floor. Meanwhile, Diesel piefaces Kama to the floor, only to turn around and receive Sweet Chin Music, which sends him up and over to the floor.

Postmatch: Diesel teases turning on Shawn, only to offer him a high five.

Bottom Line: A completely blah Rumble as the winner was pretty well known before the event. The crowd wasn’t really into it as there were too many entrants that they weren’t familiar with or had stopped caring about a long time ago. Still there were some interesting stories told here (HHH’s longevity, Vader’s dominance, HBK’s survival against all odds) that helped matters. Plus, there was an interesting look to the future as this marked the first time such people like HHH and HBK or Austin and Rikishi faced off. This wasn’t a bad Rumble, it just wasn’t a very memorable one. **

World domination

It seems like just yesterday that Sophie was winning Survivor: South Pacific and yet here we are again with the announcement for the cast of Survivor: One World. Below is a pic of the new tribemates.

But along with these new contestants come several new changes and twists to the game itself. Here are the highlights:

-As was announced at the end of last season, while there will be two tribes, everyone will be living at the same camp. Contestants will have to decide how much they want to co-mingle with members of the other tribe

-The tribes will be seperated by sexes again this year

-Redemption Island is gone (thank heaven!). This means more reward challenges and once your torch is snuffed, you're done.

-Two hidden immunity idols will be in play, but the twist this time is that if you find one, you have to give it to someone on the other tribe. This could make for some very interesting new strategies and alliances.

-There will be a handful of host-less challenges this season where the tribes will be giving instruction and supplies and left to run the challenge themselves. That will either be really interesting or an unmitigated disaster.

-Finally, some of the notable castaways this season include Survivor's first little person, a gay Republican, and two guys who have a fascination with Tarzan.

For more details on the individual cast members and what's in store for the upcoming season, you can read about on EW.com Survivor: One World begins February 15th.

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1995

More experimenting took place in 1995 as they decided to have the entrants come out every 60 seconds instead of 2 minutes. On one hand when you have a roster as poor as this one is, you can't blame them for trying to get it over with as quickly as possible, but in general this move was a bad idea and never tried again.

1995 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Sun Dome in Tampa, FL

Rumble match has 1-minute intervals this year instead of two. Vince claims that with 1-minute intervals, this will be the most fast-paced and action-filled Rumble ever. In reality, substitute fast-paced and action-filled with lame and crappy. Shawn Michaels is #1. British Bulldog is #2. Nothing wrong with these two starting out. Too bad they only get a minute instead of 2 to go at it alone. Bulldog gets a quick press slam on Shawn, but doesn’t throw him out. Where’s Heenan to call him a dumb limey? Shawn is whipped to the corner where he nearly flips out. #3 is Eli Blu, who would later be known as one of the Harris Brothers. No matter who he is, he sucks big time. Nothing happens before it’s time for #4 who is Duke “the Dumpster” Droese. Shawn goes after Droese, while Blu and the Bulldog tussle. Jimmy Del Ray is #5 and people are coming out way too quick. How can you tell any story here? Del Ray puts Shawn on the brink of elimination. #6 is Seone (the former Barbarian), who goes right after Shawn. The Bulldog clotheslines Del Ray to the floor to make him victim #1 tonight. In a cruel twist of irony, Tom Pritchard enters at #7 as his partner just left. Seone now press slams Shawn, but fails to put him out also. Stupid Samoan! Vince makes a stupid statement saying Duke Droese has the equal intellect of Shawn. And I laugh. Doink and Dink come out at #8 and I’m disappointed that it’s Doink who’s entered and not Dink. More nothingness as #9 KWANG makes his way down. Sidenote: Kwang is the sound of one hand clapping. Ever since Shawn and the Bulldog, we’ve had some real dud talent come out. Everyone battles it out, while Shawn takes a rest. #10 is Rick Martel and I eagerly anticipate Tito Santana to come out at any moment.

Owen Hart is #11, but he gets attacked by Bret before he gets to the ring. Officials send Bret back quickly though. #12 is Timothy Well, who receives a big pop. Oh wait, the pop was because Owen has already been eliminated by the Bulldog. Shawn backdrops Duke out and he lands on a referee. That begins spring-cleaning as Well, Martel, Pritchard and Doink all get tossed. As #13 Luke comes out, Eli Blu and Seone eliminate each other. Shawn makes quick work of Luke (big surprise there) and we’re down to the original two. They don’t do much before #14 Jacob Blu comes out. Blu initially handles both Shawn and the Bulldog, but soon Shawn dumps him as well. Bulldog gets Shawn over but not out. King Kong Bundy waddles out at #15. Shawn foolishly tries to eliminate Bundy instead of helping him dump the Bulldog. #16 is Mo and he is immediately and I do mean immediately eliminated by Bundy. Hands down, there is your big-time loser of the night. Bulldog tries to slam Bundy but that ends badly for Davey Boy. Mabel is #17 and somehow I think he’ll last just a big longer than Mo. Mabel and Bundy pair off for FOX’s new reality show, When Cellulite Collides. As #18 Butch enters, Mabel has already gotten Bundy out. That’s a bit surprising if you ask me. After Shawn eliminates Butch in normal Bushwacker fashion, Mabel and the Bulldog team up to try and get rid of him. Lex Luger comes out at #19 and makes an impact by immediately eliminating Mabel. #20 is the biggest turd known to the world, Mantaur. He goes right after Lex Luger.

More Wrestlecrap follows at #21 with the Portuguese Man O’War, Aldo Montoya. He tries to eliminate Shawn, but somehow I doubt he’ll be the one. Meanwhile, Luger and the Bulldog double-team Mantaur. #22 is Henry O. Godwinn, who attacks everyone upon entering the ring. Shawn is able to take another breather while others pair off. Billy Gunn runs down at #23 and blows up before hitting the ring. Luger cocks his arm ready to punch the Bulldog, until he sees who his target is. C’mon Luger, whatever happened to “every man for himself”? Following his partner’s lead, Bart Gunn comes out at #24. Bob Backlund at #25 enters to a chorus of boos. Bret again comes out and attacks Backlund before he can get into the ring. As Backlund finally makes it into the ring, Luger is right there and clotheslines him out. Meanwhile, Steven Dunn enters at #26. With Backlund eliminated, he and Bret go back at it and brawl to the back. As if this Rumble hasn’t been filled with a bunch of jokes already, I get the biggest laugh with #27 Dick Murdoch. He looks like a poor man’s Dusty Rhodes and moves about as well as him too. #28 is Adam Bomb and this ring is getting really clogged now. With Shawn once again close to elimination, Fatu comes out at #29. Fatu and Billy Gunn slug it out. Luger flushes the toiliet by eliminating Mantaur. Lucky #30 is Crush, who gets in the ring and dumps the Smoking Gunns, who were fighting each other. See Luger, they know it’s every man for himself.

Steven Dunn is tossed by Aldo, which must be really embarrassing. Shawn is so tired he needs the ropes to hold him up. Vince says to Lawler that he doubts two men will ever win the Rumble again, which is his subtle way for admitting that last year’s Rumble booking decision wasn’t the best. Murdoch tries his luck at dumping Shawn, but fails as well. Fatu gets tossed over the rope and Murdoch tries to get him off the apron with a headbutt. What an idiot! The headbutt doesn’t work on Samoans and Murdoch is left with a sore head. Bomb charges at Crush but he backdrops him out. Shawn gets tired of looking at the bright yellow jock strap and eliminates Aldo. Fatu does a 360-degree sell for a Crush clothesline. Then he gets tossed by Crush. After giving Godwinn an airplane spin, Murdoch tries to dump him but his momentum carries him out while Godwinn hangs on. Luger is able to backdrop and eliminate a charging HOG. That means our Final Four is Luger, Crush and the first 2 entrants, Shawn Michaels and the British Bulldog. Shawn and Crush double-team Luger, while the Bulldog takes a breather. Luger climbs on Crush in the corner, but Shawn comes over and knocks him out. Crush and Shawn initially strike a friendship, but Crush double-crosses Shawn. Crush gets Shawn up in a press slam, but Shawn rakes his face and escapes. With Crush temporarily blinded, the Bulldog is able to clothesline him out. It’s now come full circle as the first two, are now the last two. Bulldog gets Shawn in yet another press slam, but only crotches Shawn on the top rope. A fatigued Shawn gets back in the ring only to be clotheslined out and over by the Bulldog. A jubilant Bulldog celebrates in the corner when Shawn comes back in and knocks Bulldog to the floor. The bell rings and the referees say Shawn is the winner. As the replay shows, only one of Shawn’s feet touched the floor. This was an amazing feat of strength, as Shawn was really close to having both feet touch. Cool ending!

Bottom Line: The 1-minute intervals really hurt the Rumble match here. No one was given ample time to do anything in there besides Shawn and the Bulldog. Plus it features a real Who’s Who in Wrestlecrap History lineup of entrants. One of the worst Rumbles, but the ending really prevents it from getting a worse rating. **

License to be rude

As a Bond fan, I should find this to be blasphemous, but I can't help laughing at this parody of the Bond theme which points out that 007 isn't always the nicest guy. Watch and enjoy, but WARNING, it does contain some NSFW language.

His Name Is James Bond - watch more funny videos

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1994

Now that the Rumble match was several years old, the WWF decided to start getting cute with the finish to the match. As you'll see here, it didn't exactly work out as well as they would have liked.

1994 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Providence Civic Center in Providence, RI

#1 is Scott Steiner. #2 is Samu. Oh goodie, tag team wrestlers! Because we all know that they’ve got a real good shot of winning. Vince says that due to time restraints, intervals will be 90 seconds, not 2 minutes. Scott and Samu do nothing of great interest before the countdown to #3 happens. Fans count down to #3 thanks to the CASIO clock. For all your clock and calculator needs, think CASIO. Rick Steiner is #3. Well at least they’re getting rid of the tag teams early on. Steiner Brothers go to work on Samu, natch. Samu goes charging after the Steiners but they sidestep him and Samu gets his head caught in the ropes. OUCH! Scott releasese him and shoves him to the floor. #4 is Kwang. Interesting note… Kwang’s mother was a huge fan of the ‘60s Batman show. Her other sons’ names were Boff! Zapp! and Kapow! As Kwang enters the ring, he mists Rick. Scott and Kwang fight it out while Rick struggles to see. Coming in at #5 is “boooo” Owen Hart. Big time heel heat for him. Owen disposes of Rick pretty quickly and then goes over to help Kwang. Bart Gunn is next at #6. Bart and Owen pair off, as do Scott and Kwang. Strolling out at #7 is Diesel. Diesel decides to go with the “punch everyone once” method upon entering the ring. Soon, he sticks with Bart and then eliminates him shortly thereafter. Before Bart can get to his feet, Diesel has eliminated Scott as well. Owen doesn’t fare any better as he gets tossed too. Kwang goes for a spinning heel kick but misses. As he gets up, Diesel clotheslines him out of the ring. Four guys eliminated by Diesel in under 2 minutes. Fans are eating this up. #8 is Bob Backlund who last year broke the longevity record at the Rumble. Here, Diesel eliminates him in under a minute. A tale of two Rumbles for Backlund. Trying his luck at #9 is Billy Gunn. Billy gets booted and tossed out too. Later cowboy. While Diesel waits for the next entrant, we cut to the back where we see Kabuki and Tenyru attacking Lex Luger. Replacing Kamala at #10 is Virgil. Just like in his love life, Virgil gets dumped quickly here too. Diesel has now notched seven victims and counting.

#11 is Macho Man and I have a feeling he won’t go as quickly. Macho goes to town on Diesel, delivering lefts and rights. A couple of elimination attempts by Macho fail. Diesel receives some help from #12 Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett is able to toss Macho over, but he hangs on to the ropes. Coming back inside, Macho knees Jarrett in the back and then pitches him to the floor. Things don’t get any better for Macho though as Crush, the man he’s been feuding with, comes out at #13. Macho immediately goes after Crush and gets the better of him. Before long though, Crush and Diesel team up to attack Macho. As #14 Doink makes his way to the ring, Crush dumps Macho to the floor. While Diesel and Crush fight, Doink just stands back and laughs. Soon the heels stop their fighting and turn their attention to Doink. At #15 is Bam Bam Bigelow who certainly wants a piece of Doink. Diesel and Crush step aside as Bam Bam grabs Doink and press slams him to the floor. That’s no laughing matter for Doink. Diesel and Crush then try to immediately eliminate Bam Bam but can’t do it. Mabel is #16 and he’s one guy that could actually handle going against three guys. Diesel is waiting for Mabel and goes to work on him as soon as he hits the ring. Man these two could have one heck of a main event someday. Mabel gives each heel an avalanche in separate corners. Vroom Vroom! It’s Sparky Plugg (Bob Holly) replacing the 1-2-3 Kid at #17. Plugg goes after Crush but Bam Bam nails him from behind. #18 is Shawn Michaels. Diesel looks to want to fight Shawn but then shakes his hand. While Shawn and Diesel have their lovefest, Crush and Bam Bam come up and attack Diesel. Soon all the wrestlers gang up and eliminate Diesel. Right at the end, Shawn comes up to join the group. A last minute save attempt or an aid in the elimination? You make the call! Fans give Diesel a nice ovation as he leaves. As well they should. His performance is still remembered to this day. At #19 is Mo who gets less than half the pop Mabel received. Shawn is put on the brink of elimination by Plugg while Men on a Mission take it to Bam Bam.

The buzzer sounds for #20 and it’s Greg “the Hammer” Valentine. I’m surprised he didn’t bring his mask and enter the Rumble as Mr. Ugly. As the ring fills up, nothing exceptional is going on. Coming out for his second match of the night is Tatanka at #21. He goes right after Shawn and pounds away on him. Everyone seems to be milling around waiting for the next evacuation sequence. Kabuki is #22 and I doubt that he will clear a lot of guys out of the ring. The wrestlers gang up, shove Mo out of the way and eliminate Mabel. Lex Luger is running to the ring at #23 so I guess that lockerroom attack wasn’t so bad after all. Luger makes an immediate impact by eliminating his attacker Kabuki. Crush slows down Luger with a reverse atomic drop. #24 is Tenyru and Vince fears that he will team up with Kabuki and Crush to go after Luger. Too bad Luger just eliminated Kabuki not a minute ago. Look like Vince needs a SONY instant replay camera to go with his CASIO countdown clock. Shawn is once again teetering on the verge of elimination but manages to hold on. Buzzzzz! It’s time for #25 but no one pops out. It is assumed that it was supposed to be Bret Hart who couldn’t come out due to his earlier leg injury. Life goes on as perennial Rumble participant Rick Martel comes out as #26. Too bad Tito isn’t there or else they could renew their rivalry again. Now we have ten guys in there who are all punching and kicking and doing nothing to excite the fans. Two friends, Luger and Tatanka, start going at it but the crowd doesn’t seem to care. #27 is Bret Hart, who hobbles out to an awesome ovation from the fans. As he enters, Crush immediately approaches him and goes after his knee. Afa drags Fatu out at #28 and the ring now has twelve guys. This is way too much right now. Luger hoists Crush over the top rope and eventually gets help from Bam Bam, Plugg, and Bret to eliminate him. But just as we lose Crush, we gain Marty Jannetty at #29. A slugfest instantly starts between Jannetty and Shawn, which electrifies the crowd. Adam Bomb then rounds out the field at “lucky” #30.

So with no one left to come out, we still have nearly half the entrants left in the ring (13). Bret and Shawn eliminate Plugg and that’s the only time you’ll ever see those two work together. Vince delivers the sad news that the #25 no-show was Bastion Booger because he ate too much. Sadly, that’s what he said and not some poor attempt on my part to be funny. Still more punching and kicking as I wonder why they bothered cutting the intervals down to 1 ½ minutes if they were going to have them go this long after #30. Finally the exodus begins as extra fluff like Valentine, Martel, Bomb, and Mo get tossed. As Bam Bam gets eliminated by Luger, Shawn disposes of Janetty proving that he was the superior Rocker. Funny spot as Tenyru gives Fatu and Shawn a double noggin knocker; Shawn sells it, Fatu doesn’t it. I love small touches like that. Luger completes his retribution by eliminating Tenyru. That leaves us with a Final Four consisting of Bret, Shawn, Luger and Fatu. All four men take a corner, but soon the heels go after the faces. Pairing off is Shawn/Bret and Luger/Fatu. Shawn and Fatu manage to get Luger on the apron but no further. Fatu does the 360 sell after Luger hits him with the loaded forearm. The faces simultaneously eliminate Fatu and Shawn. Bret and Luger slug it out for a few seconds before going near the ropes and falling out together. A collective “huh?” is said among the crowd. Referee Earl Hebner believes Bret has won while Joey Marella says Luger is the winner. It takes Jack Tunney to come out and decide that both men won. Wow, way to fence ride Jack! It should be noted that when Luger was announced as the winner, it was a mix of cheers and boos. On the other hand, it was an overwhelming ovation for Bret when his name was called. Take a hint Vince!

Bottom Line: The star power was certainly better this year thanks to them making the decision that guys who fought earlier in the night could also be in the Rumble match. On the other hand, they kept way too much unnecessary talent in there for way too long. There is no reason that guys like Martel, Plugg, Valentine, Kabuki, and Tenyru should have been in there for more than five minutes. The ending was a nice new twist. Too bad both winners didn’t elicit the fan response that Vince would have liked to seen. *** ½

PAC-man

It would take too long to go into all the details and developments that have gone down involving Stephen Colbert and his Super PAC (Political Action Committee). However, his latest move may be the best yet. Colbert is trying to get on the ballot for the Republican South Carolina primary, however because he missed the deadline, South Carolina won't let him. So now his Super PAC (which is now being run by Jon Stewart - who's TOTALLY not coordinating with him) has begun to run ads encouraging South Carolina voters to vote for Herman Cain, who is on the ballot despite the fact that he dropped out of the race last month. This whole thing has really put a light onto what a sham the whole campaign process can be. And while thinking about it can make you sad, Colbert and co. have sure found a way to make it hilarious as well. Anyways, here's the ad that's now running.

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1993

This year marked the first time in the Rumble history that the winner would receive a title match at Wrestlemania, a stipulation that has stuck with the match ever since.

1993 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Arco Arena in Sacremento, CA

Ric Flair is #1 and Heenan doesn’t seem as worried this year. He figures that since he won it at #3 last year, what’s a mere two more spots. I concur. Bob Backlund is #2 and you can hear the snickering throughout the crowd. Or maybe it’s just me. The ironic thing is that sold Backlund as this ‘old timer’ and yet Flair is the same age as him. These two spend the opening minutes proving that while Backlund may have the upper hand, Flair will always have more class. Heenan notes that a Bret Hart/Bob Backlund match would be something. Little did he know that those two would fight for the WWF Title nearly two years later. Papa Shango is #3. He gives Flair a breather and beats up Backlund. Flair says thank you by tossing Shango out when he was trying to eliminate Backlund. Flair then almost eliminates Backlund, but he hangs on to the bottom rope. Ted Dibiase is #4 as his string of lousy draws continues. Dibiase and Flair join up and attack Backlund. Backlund manages to survive another 2 minutes and gets some help from Brian Knobbs who is #5. He goes after both heels. Knobbs gives Dibiase the Pit Stop and to my knowledge that is the only PPV Pit Stop, strangely enough. Virgil is #6 and goes after Dibiase. Does he know how to fight anyone else? Knobbs charges at Dibiase, Dibiase ducks and Knobbs eliminates himself. Making his WWF PPV debut is Jerry “the King” Lawler at #7. Him and Flair go at it in the corner while Backlund and Virgil take it to Dibiase. Lawler unloads a flurry of punches on Flair, prompting Flair to crawl under the bottom rope and take a breather. Max Moon is #8. BWHAHAHA! I can’t believe any self-respecting man would wear a costume like that. It looks like someone vomited cotton candy all over him. Flair dumps Moon over the top rope but Moon skins the cat and comes back in. Everyone is just kinda milling around in there doing nothing of note. Moon gives Lawler a spinning heel kick in the corner. He goes for a second one but this time Lawler dumps him to the floor. #9 is Tenyru and I say whoop di doo. Hey, I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it. Tenyru and Flair get into a chopfest, which ends with a Flair Flop. Mr. Perfect is #10 to inject some interest back into this match. Mr. Perfect goes after Flair, natch, and gets the better of him. Monsoon announces during their brawl that they will fight each other the next night on Monday Night RAW in a Loser Leaves Town match. I’m guessing neither man is winning the Rumble then.

#11 is Skinner but most people don’t care, as they are too busy watching Flair and Perfect. Shortly after Skinner enters, Perfect clotheslines Flair out of the ring. Boy is Heenan irate! Koko is #12 and as he runs down to ringside he pulls up his Hammer pants like he’s Steve Urkel. Now there are a couple of people you want to emulate. Perfect tosses Skinner over the top rope but he hoists himself back in. As he does that, Perfect dropkicks him to the floor. Despite Skinner’s elimination, the jobber to superstar ratio is still way too high right now. Things don’t get better as Samu comes out at #13. Let’s see, anything interesting going on? Well the guy in the fourth row just spilled his beer but other than that, nothing really. Oh god, Berzerker is #14 and I’m praying that the top rope just breaks now immediately eliminating everyone in there. Perfect eliminates Lawler with a back body drop to draw a mild pop from the crowd. Dibiase comes up from behind Perfect and tosses him over. Perfect tries to hang on for dear life but the combination of Dibiase kicking and an already eliminated Lawler tugging on him is too much for him to overcome. Great, now there is no one of interest in there. (No offense, Virg) Undertaker is #15 and there was much rejoicing. Taker enters and it’s bye bye Samu and sayonara Tenyru. While Taker was cleaning house, Berzerker took Backlund through the middle ropes and attacked him with a chair on the outside. Cock-a-doodle-do Terry Taylor is #16. Taylor begins brawling with Koko and Dibiase comes up and eliminates both of them. Looks like the Rooster gets the Bushwacker Butch award for brevity this year. As Dibiase gloats about getting rid of them, Taker chokeslams him and then clotheslines him out of the ring. As the Undertaker deals with the Berzerker, IT waddles to ringside. That “IT” is the near 8 ft. tall Giant Gonzalez (unnamed at this point) led by Harvey Whippleman. As Gonzales enters the ring, Taker eliminates the Berzerker. #17 is Damian Demento but 99% of the audience doesn’t know it as they can’t take their eyes of this Giant. Gonzales finally begins to pummel the Undertaker after a long staredown and knocks him to the floor. So by WWF logic, that means Undertaker is eliminated. Ugh. IRS comes down as #18 but the focus remains on Gonzales and Taker. These new entrants won’t even get into the ring. Finally, the Usual Bunch of Idiots gets rid of Gonzales while Taker is left for dead. (Pardon my pun) This now leaves us with Demento, IRS and Backlund, who was still knocked out from the Berzerker attack. Tatanka is #19 and he helps out Backlund against Demento and IRS. Meanwhile, Paul Bearer comes down to revive and recover the Undertaker.

#20 is Jerry Sags and I see we’ve gone back to filling the ring with crap. Sags goes after IRS while Tatanka and Backlund try to eliminate Demento. Typhoon is #21 and the vomit begins to rise in my throat. Heenan accidentally refers to Typhoon as Tugboat. Now if only Heenan would have referred to Terry Taylor as the Red Rooster, my night would have been made. Afa drags down Fatu at #22. Who in their right mind honestly believes a member of a tag team will EVER win a Rumble? We have 4 people from tag teams in there right now if that says anything. Make that 5 as Earthquake waltzes down at #23. He goes right after Typhoon. (Huh?) Well at least we’re not forced to watch them beat up on separate guys. Typhoon charges at Quake and Quake heaves him to the floor. I have no idea why they had them do that. They never feuded after this to my knowledge. #24 is Carlos Colon, who is referred by Monsoon as a youngster despite the fact that he looks over 40. For those of you who don’t know Colon, you’re not missing anything. Tatanka tosses Demento over the top rope but he hangs on. Colon then back body drops Demento out of the ring for good. Well, I’m glad to see they are letting people who are here for one-time deals eliminate people as oppose to the young up-and-comers who are in the middle of undefeated streaks. El Matador is #25. A charging Fatu gets eliminated by Backlund. He’s been in the Rumble for over 40 minutes and he finally gets his first elimination. Rick Martel is #26 and he goes after Santana. Geez, and I thought the Virgil/Dibiase feud was bad. These two go all the way back to ’88. 1888, that is. Quake ducks as IRS charges prompting IRS to eliminate himself. Santana almost eliminates Backlund but he crawls in under the bottom rope to the delight of the fans. I don’t blame them. Who else do they have to cheer for right now? Yokozuna finally makes his way down at #27 to almost no reaction. Here comes the mass evacuation again…later Tatanka, adios Carlos, so long Earthquake. Owen Hart came out at #28 amidst Yoko’s spring-cleaning. Joining the jobber parade is Repo Man at #29. All of the jobbers wise up and collectively try and dump Yoko but they can’t get it done. And that my friends is why they’ll always remain jobbers. Our final entrant is Macho Man who’s put at this spot so it isn’t so painfully obvious who is going to win here.

With all 30 men now out, we thankfully head to the finish in a hurry. Santana, Sags, Owen and Repo are all evacuated pretty quickly. In Owen’s case, he was evacuated quickly and nastily. He landed poorly on his knee that put him on the shelf for a while, if I recall correctly. That leaves us with a Final Four of Macho Man, Yokozuna, Rick Martel and Bob Backlund. Man, if Dibiase is cursed with early draws, then the reverse is true for Martel who always seems to be there at the end. Yoko is choking out Macho while Martel tries to get rid of Backlund. Backlund perches Martel up in the corner and then punches him to the floor. Backlund gets brave and tries to attack Yoko. After a failed dropkick attempt, Backlund foolishly charges Yoko and gets eliminated by the big sumo. Backlund managed to survive long enough though to break Ric Flair’s record and become the new longevity champion at 1 hour and 3 mins. Although, it was later stated that he was actually only in for 61 minutes. Still an impressive feat. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Macho makes a futile attempt to eliminate Yoko. He actually knocks Yoko down and then tries to cover him. What a moron! Yoko heaves Macho off completely over the top rope to win the #1 contendership at Wrestlemania.

Bottom Line: With a third of the Rumble comprised of tag team wrestlers and over another third made up of jobbers, this was a weak field that left little doubt as to who was going to win it. This Rumble had most guys just punching and walking, which is never exciting. Then when you add in the Giant Gonzales mess, it makes for a bad Rumble. The Backlund story was interesting and Perfect and Flair had their moments but it wasn’t enough to save this dog. * ½

Happy Birthday Betty!

America's favorite, Betty White celebrates her 90th birthday today. To honor this funny lady, I've posted a few videos below that highlight just some of the reasons as to why she's so awesome.

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1992

With the WWF Championship vacant at the time, this year's Rumble gained a level of importance as the winner was going home with the title.

1992 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Knickerbocker Arena in Albany, NY

The backstory for this Rumble is that the title was vacated by Jack Tunney, after he saw the dubious way Hogan won the title from the Undertaker, back at This Tuesday in Texas. Tunney comes out before the match to announce this is for the title and wishes the participants the best of luck. There were numerous boos heard during Tunney’s speech. To think, they could have wasted Vince’s evil owner angle years earlier with Tunney as the evil president. Bulldog is #1. Million Dollar Man is #2. Man, he is still paying for supposedly buying #30 in 1989. Bulldog starts off hot, but soon enough Dibiase takes Bulldog to school. Dibiase dumps Bulldog over but Davey Boy stays on the apron. He comes back in and clotheslines a gloating Dibiase to the floor. No title for Teddy. And now here comes Flair at #3. Bobby does not like this draw at all. Gorilla mentions that no one drawing #1 – 5 have won the Rumble. That’s funny since we’ve now had numbers 1, 2, 3, and 5 all win it. Bulldog manhandles Flair for the next 2 minutes. Jerry Sags is #4. Sags and Flair double-team the Bulldog. Bulldog comes back with a double clothesline. Davey Boy tosses Sags over, but he hangs on. As he brags on the apron, the Bulldog dropkicks him to the floor. Now it’s back to Bulldog and Flair. Haku (subbing for Brian Knobbs) is #5. Haku and Flair start to beat up on the Bulldog but soon Haku turns on the Nature Boy. As the countdown begins, Bulldog casually dumps Haku out. #6 is Shawn Michaels, who receives a not so warm welcome after recently putting Marty Jannetty through the Barber Shop window. Michaels comes in and takes it to Flair. He even gets Sweet Chin Music on him, except not to the same effect it would have later on in his career. The Bulldog clotheslines Shawn over the top but he hangs on. I love how so many people are hanging on as it shows how much they want to win. El Matador is #7 and he goes right after Ric. Flair gets nailed with a Santana flying forearm. #8 is Barbarian. Flair and Barbarian attack the Bulldog, while Shawn and Tito duke it out. Texas Tornado strolls out at #9 and does his usual aimless punching to everyone. Pairing off are Flair and the Tornado, Santana and the Barbarian and the Bulldog and Michaels. Repo Man marks the third-way point at #10. He stalks around the ring for a few seconds before entering. Everyone is making the rounds trying to meet…er…attack each other.

Greg Valentine is #11 and immediately trades chops with Flair. Ring is filling up with some fluff now. However, the bickering between Heenan and Monsoon is easily keeping this entertaining. Shawn is hanging on the apron again. #12 is Nikolai Volkof, who is subbing for Marty Janetty. At this point, if Volkof won the title, he could probably get a loaf of bread and two buttons for it in Mother Russia. Heenan is going crazy again as Valentine has slapped the figure four on Flair. Repo Man just backdropped Nikolai to the floor, so scratch my previous statement. Big Boss Man comes in at #13 and punches away on everyone. Repo Man tosses out Valentine. Who would have guessed Repo would eliminate 2 guys in less than 2 minutes? But before Repo can do anymore damage, Big Boss Man grabs and heaves him to the floor. Out of nowhere, Flair musters enough strength to hoist Bulldog up and out. And just like that, Flair also sends Texas Tornado to the floor. Bye Bye Kerry! Flair is getting his second wind. #14 Hercules comes out as Michaels and Santana eliminate each other. Barbarian tries to eliminate Flair but Hercules comes up and dumps the Barbarian. Boss Man follows that up by clotheslining Hercules out. We’re down to Flair and the Boss Man. It’s all Boss Man until he tries a charge. Flair moves out of the way and the Boss Man ends up launching himself over the rope and to the floor. No one can believe it, as the Nature Boy is left alone in the ring. Flair can barely rest, when #15 is the new Intercontinental champ Roddy Piper. If you recall, Piper and Flair have had issues before this too. Piper dominates Flair; including giving him an airplane spin and sleeper. Jake Roberts is #16 and just sits in the corner to allow Piper and Flair to fight. That doesn’t last long as soon Roberts jumps Piper. What a snake! Flair puts a figure four on Jake and Roddy comes over to stomp on both of them. The buzzer sounds, but it might as well be a groan because it’s Hacksaw. He’s #17. The faces and heels square off now. #18 is IRS, who takes his time heading to the ring. IRS and Duggan brawl, while Flair and Jake try to eliminate Piper. Gorilla announces that it has been 36 minutes for Flair so far. Ol’ Coconut Head Jimmy Snuka is #19. Flair teeters on the brink of elimination a couple of times. The Undertaker strolls out at #20. It should be noted that the Undertaker and Hogan were given “special treatment” because of their involvement with the title match at Tuesday in Texas. This meant they would get to draw between #20 – 30 only. As you can see, Taker didn’t even get that great of a number. Regardless, he walks into the ring and with one shot eliminates Snuka. Man, Taker loves to beat the crap out of Superfly. Taker then begins to choke out Ric. Is that anyway to say thanks to the man who helped you win your first title?

Macho Man is #21 and immediately runs after Jake. Taker catches Macho before he can get to him though. Finally, Savage gets to Roberts and goes to town on him. It doesn’t take long before Macho kneedrops Jake out. Macho then makes a major faux pas by going up to the top rope and jumping out and onto Jake. The announcers try their best to cover it up, but we all know he f*cked up. Right now, the pairs are Macho and Flair, Duggan and Taker, and Piper and IRS. Berzerker husses his way out at #22. Flair tries suplexing Macho Man from the apron, but Savage reverses it and brings Flair back in. Virgil is #23 and sadly no one cares. Nothing of note happens as they are slowly getting ready for the big finish. #24 is Col. Mustafa who Monsoon calls “dangerous”. Oooh, I’m trembling! Monsoon then catches a bout of J.R.itis by calling Ric Flair, Rick Martel. Speaking of Martel, he comes out now at #25. Duggan decides he’s tired, so he mugs for the crowd and tries getting a U.S.A. chant started. The fans don’t want to chant U.S.A., you dolt! They are too interested in watching the real wrestlers actually fight! Hulk Hogan is #26. Of course he got a good number. Hogan gets trapped in a corner by Taker, Berzerker and IRS. Hulk comes firing back and clotheslines both Taker and the Berzerker out of the ring. Fans are going nuts as Heenan is sweating bullets. Hacksaw and Virgil eliminate each other. So long to dead weight. Skinner, chaw and all, comes out at #27. I have to laugh as Martel sells a Piper headscissors, as if someone is using a taser on him. #28 is Sgt. Slaughter. The announcers mention that he’s a former WWF champ as if that actually means he is a candidate to win here. Rick Martel dumps out Skinner. At this point, it is announced that Flair has the new longevity record beating the previous record set the year prior by Martel. Great pop for Sid Justice who is #29. Flair and Hulk duke it out. The Warlord gets lucky #30. One of these guys is getting the strap. Hogan and Flair brawl on the floor but aren’t eliminated. Sid whips Slaughter so hard into the corner that he falls all the way to the floor. Piper eliminates IRS via his own necktie. Hogan and Sid team up to get rid of the Warlord. As Piper and Martel brawl, Sid walks up and pushes both of them out.

Your Final Four are: Hulk Hogan, Sid Justice, Ric Flair and Macho Man. A decent quartet any way you look at it, as all four are still viable candidates to win. Savage is eliminated by Sid and Flair. Hulk knocks Flair onto the apron and tries to kick him off. Sid comes from behind and tosses out Hulk, much to the glee of a number of fans. Hulk, furious over Sid’s actions, grabs Sid’s arm and begins to tug. OUR HERO! Flair gives enough of an assist to eliminate Sid and become the NEW WWF CHAMPION. Wooo! Heenan is beyond jubilant and immediately leaves the booth to congratulate the new champ.

Postmatch, the suits have to come out and prevent Sid and Hulk from going at it. In a sign that things were changing, the crowd was largely behind Sid during their standoff.

Backstage Jack Tunney presents Flair with the WWF title. Flair then delivers an emotional promo and gets his moment in the sun. In the middle of it all, Mean Gene has to reprimand someone for lighting a cigarette. I’m sure Gene was just cranky because his buddy Hogan didn’t win.

Bottom Line: What a truly great Rumble. Not only for Flair’s marathon performance, but also for all the mini angles that were played up throughout the match. (Flair-Piper, Savage-Roberts, Hulk-Sid) This will perhaps be the best Rumble ever. *****

Bond-ing together

My wish has come true! For the first time ever, all 6 men who have portrayed James Bond will be in the same room together as part of the 50th anniversary of the iconic spy franchise. Here's more details on the event from msn.com

Six actors who have played James Bond over the years are set to unite at a party to celebrate 007's 50th anniversary in Hollywood.

The superspy from Ian Fleming's books first hit screens in 1962 movie "Dr. No" with Sean Connery in the lead role, and the other stars to officially play the iconic character in the franchise are Roger Moore, George Lazenby, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan and current Bond Daniel Craig.

The actors will be brought together this year for a massive celebration to mark 50 years since the release of first movie, according to Britain's Sunday Express.

The event will take place following the premiere of the latest 007 film, "Skyfall," in October and will also include many of the actresses who have played Bond girls over the years, including Ursula Andress and Eva Green.

A statement from the MGM movie studio reveals the party will be the climax of a "whole year of birthday celebrations for 007 in the movies", while Daniel Craig says, "It's an astonishing record for any character to endure for five decades in showbiz but I'll bet this: the franchise is such a phenomenon that in another 50 years time a whole new bunch of actors and their leading ladies will be gathering for another party when Bond becomes a centenarian."

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1991

1991 saw us in the middle of the first Gulf War and the booking of that year's Rumble match certainly reflected that.

1991 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Miami Arena in Miami, FL

Bret Hart is #1, as those signs of a singles career seem to keep popping up. Dino Bravo is #2. Gorilla seems to think Bravo is a cheapskate. Maybe that’s what got him shot gangland style. Bret starts off hot, but Dino soon takes control. Greg Valentine is #3. Valentine nails Dino to the shock of Jimmy Hart. Valentine quickly disposes of Dino. Valentine tries to go after Jimmy Hart but he escapes. Bret, who had been resting, goes right to work on Valentine. Paul Roma is #4. Valentine and Roma gang up on Bret but then Roma turns on The Hammer. Texas Tornado is #5. Tornado gives his usual crappy punches to everyone. Valentine gives us a Flair flop. It’s now Valentine and the Tornado and Bret and Roma paired up. Roma with a near Bob Holly-like dropkick on Von Erich. Rick Martel is #6. He goes immediately after the Hitman. Bret puts Martel on the brink of elimination. #7 is Saba Simba and thankfully Piper doesn’t shout, “it’s Tony Atlas!” this time. Pairings now are Saba and Roma, Hart and Valentine, and Tornado and Martel. The Model comes close to being dumped again but no dice. Sidenote: Shane McMahon is one of the floor referees. Tornado puts the dreaded palmhold on Paul Roma. Butch is #8. He whacks his way around the ring for 10 seconds before someone realizes how idiotic he looks and hits him. Saba Simba and Martel go flying over the top rope. Simba falls to the floor, but Martel hangs on. Not 30 seconds later, Gorilla asks Piper, “I don’t see Saba Simba, where did he go?” How Piper didn’t laugh in his face for such an idiotic question baffles me to this day. Jake the Snake is #9 and right away goes after Martel since they were in the middle of their feud. Jake goes for the DDT but Martel bails under the bottom rope. Hercules is #10. Ring is filling up fast. Everyone is now casually punching each other with no real direction. Valentine and Jake try to eliminate Bret but he pantomimes to the camera that he’s bored with their efforts. What a dick!

#11 is Tito Santana. Roma tries for a high crossbody on Jake but misses and launches himself over the top rope. Tito immediately goes after Martel as always. Undertaker is #12 and now we can hopefully clean out some deadweight. Just as I say that, Taker casually dumps Bret Hart out. As much as I don’t care for the Hitman, he wasn’t who I had in mind when I said deadweight. Superfly Jimmy Snuka is #13. Major afro on Snuka tonight. Taker launches Butch out. That’s more like it. Despite Undertaker’s efforts, the ring is still pretty crowded right now. Jake goes back to trying to eliminate Martel. British Bulldog is #14. Only thing of note going on now is some drunk in a green shirt who keeps walking past the front row. Smash is #15. From the apron, the Model is able to eliminate Roberts. #16 is Hawk. Hawk tries to punch everyone so everyone gangs up on Hawk in return. No complaints here. Newcomer Shane Douglas is #16. Undertaker heaves Tornado over the top rope. Vaya con dios Kerry! Hawk follows that up by eliminating the Superfly. #18 is…is…is…no one! It was revealed later though to be Macho Man’s number but he “left the building to avoid the Warrior.” Funny moment though as when the buzzer rings you see Animal start come out an then quickly hide behind the curtain. I can just hear someone backstage screaming at him, “No, no you moron! Not yet!” It’s time for #19 and whoa, what a surprise, it’s Animal. Legion of Doom work on the Undertaker and clothesline him out. Martel sneaks up behind Hawk and dumps him right after. Crush is #20. The Demos work over the British Bulldog.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan is #21 and I’m immediately board. (rimshot please) It’s getting pretty obvious at this point that everyone is sticking around in the ring in hopes of being tossed out by His Holiness. (coughHogancough) #22 is Earthquake. He quickly disposes of Animal. More chit-chat goes on between the wrestlers. Mr. Perfect is #23 and finally I’m interested. Perfect does his bumping for Duggan of all people. It’s all good though as Perfect soon dumps that idiot. Thanks Curt! Hogan is #24. Yippee! Victim #1 for the Hulkster is Smash. See ya Brother! Haku is #25. Now Hogan dumps Valentine after a 37-minute performance for the Hammer. It’s only now that Hogan finally gets his shirt off. #26 is Jim Neidhart. Earthquake eliminates Tito nonchalantly. Luke is #27. In a classic Rumble moment, Luke walks in and Quake just as quickly tosses him out the other side. Luke, we hardly knew ye. Nasty Boy Brian Knobbs is #28. Everyone gangs up on him as if he poses some threat. Knobbs pitches Hercules who was out there longer than he had any right to be. Warlord is #29. Hogan dumps Crush, or as my roommate calls him, “that bondage guy”. Hogan clotheslines Warlord out of there. That marks two different times (89 and 91) that Hogan has eliminated the Warlord via a clothesline in less than 2 minutes from the Rumble. Tugboat is #30. I promise no Shockmaster jokes.

He goes after Earthquake. Knobbs knocks out Shane Douglas. Tugboat goes after his “friend” the Hulkster. I guess this was the precursor to his ‘shocking’ heel turn. (OK, so I lied) Angered, Hulk comes back and dumps Tugboat. Bulldog dropkicks Perfect out. That’s a shame! Martel eliminates the Anvil. Haku gets tossed out by the Bulldog. Martel goes up top but Bulldog catches him and throws him out. Finally, after 53 minutes, Martel was gone. As a young fan watching this back in ‘91, I was sooo glad when he finally was eliminated because he was so close so many times during the night. Final Four is British Bulldog, Hulk Hogan, Earthquake and Brian Knobbs. Why in God’s green Earth was Knobbs booked to go this late into the Rumble? I think “Hogan Knows Best” gave us the answer to that one. The heels team up and dump the Bulldog out. Poor Davey Boy, always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Quake and Knobbs then work over Hulk which includes the big butt splash. Hogan of course pops up and boots Knobbs out. Hogan gets some offense before a slam attempt backfires on him. Quakes squashes Hogan some more before Hulk pops up again. 2 pop-ups in one match? They must really want to send the fans home happy. It’s all a formality after that as Hogan gets his obligatory slam on Quake before clotheslining him out of the ring.

Bottom Line: Well star power was non-existent in this Rumble. Too many times there was a bunch of guys standing around doing nothing. Even though the notion of Hogan winning back-to-back Rumbles nauseated me, it was the right thing to do, given the Slaughter win. Had he not won the previous year, this would have been more tolerable. ** ¾

Harry Squatter

In case you missed it, here's a funny Harry Potter skit from last night's Saturday Night Live hosted by the boy wizard himself, Daniel Radcliffe. This is probably a more realistic look at what happened in the future of the Potterverse.

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1990

We begin the nineties with the WWF(E) beginning to learn how to really utilize this match as a way to build up Wrestlemania.

Royal Rumble 1990

Emanating from the Orlando Arena in Orlando, Fl

In a cruel twist of scripted irony, Ted DiBiase is #1 this year after being #30 last year. His first opponent is Koko B. Ware at #2. Koko gets jumped as soon as he enters. DiBiase makes a mistake by trying to ram Koko’s cranium into the turnbuckle. Koko charges but DiBiase backdrops him to the floor. Now there are only 28 more to go. DiBiase waits as #3 Marty Jannetty makes his way down. Jannetty tries a high flying move that DiBiase dodges and causes Jannetty to be eliminated. Second verse same as the first. Jake Roberts is #4 and these two have issues at this point. DiBiase meets Roberts on the floor and slaps on the Million Dollar Dream. Roberts escapes by ramming DiBiase into the post. Inside, Roberts tries for the DDT, but DiBiase backdrops him. As Roberts hits a kneelift, Macho Man makes his way down at #5. The heels quickly begin to double-team Roberts. With Roberts tied in the ropes, he gets some help in the form of #6 “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. Piper takes care of both heels and then frees Roberts. The faces and the heels team up with Piper and Macho nearly eliminating each other. The Warlord saunters out at #7. He goes right after Piper. Meanwhile, Macho and DiBiase unsuccessfully try to eliminate Roberts. #8 is Bret Hart who again evens the face/heel ratio. Everyone is pairing up but no one is close to elimination. Everybody’s friend, Bad News Brown is #9. Roberts again goes for the DDT on DiBiase, but Macho comes over and clotheslines him to the floor. It’s now Bret/Warlord, Bad News/DiBiase, and Piper/Macho squaring off. The fat quotient just skyrocketed as #10 is Dusty Rhodes and he goes right after Macho Man. Macho charges at Dusty but gets backdropped to the floor. Crowd loved that one.

#11 is Andre who makes his impact felt immediately by eliminating the Warlord. Heenan and Fuji get into a scuffle as a result of that elimination. That was a nice touch. Andre now takes on both Piper and Dusty, while Bad News and DiBiase beat up Bret. The Red Rooster is #12 as Piper is almost eliminated by Bad News. Piper then actually does eliminate Bad News. Angered by this, Bad News pulls Piper out and the two brawl all the way back to the dressing room. Dusty tries to dump DiBiase but Virgil keeps him in. Andre dumps the Rooster as #13 Ax makes his way down. Just to be cruel, the fans start a ‘Weasel’ chant for Heenan. Dusty and Ax get Andre tied up in the ropes and pound on his head. As they free him, Andre nails each of them in the gut. It would have been really cool if he would have ball-tapped them. To help his partner Andre, Haku is #14. He goes after Dusty while Andre sits on Ax. Conveniently, Ax’s partner Smash now comes out at #15. Demolition now pair off against the Colossal Connection. #16 is Akeem and the ring really has some tonnage now. Demolition both hit shouldertackles on Andre and that’s enough to eliminate him. As Demolition now tries to eliminate Haku, the announcers inform us that Bret was eliminated off camera. But just remember, the cameraman didn’t screw Bret. Bret screwed Bret. Superfly Jimmy Snuka is #17 and gets hit by Akeem as soon as he enters. Virgil once again helps DiBiase stave off elimination. Meanwhile, Snuka comes back and knocks Akeem out. Haku and Snuka double headbutt Smash and then beat each other up. Now that’s what a Rumble’s all about. #18 is Dino Bravo to the interest of no one. Everyone seems to be milling around now. Earthquake is #19 and he’s already ripped his unitard before he even hits the ring. Dusty gets tossed by Earthquake within seconds of his arrival. Demolition tries to double-team Earthquake but he casually dumps Ax out of the ring. #20 Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart who goes right after Earthquake and soon everyone joins him to eliminate the huge Canadian. DiBiase, still surviving, gets hit with a double atomic drop by Smash and Neidhart.

Crowd wakes up as the Ultimate Warrior hits the ring at #21. He goes after Dino Bravo and eliminates him soon thereafter. Everyone pairs up again as #22 Rick Martel makes his way down. Haku dumps Smash over but he hangs on only to be knocked off by a Haku kick. Neidhart heaves Martel over but he hangs on and sneaks back in under the bottom rope. #23 is Tito Santana and he begins fighting Martel to no one’s surprise. Those two will probably be fighting at the 2015 Royal Rumble. Honky Tonk Man is #24 and is greeted right away by the Warrior. A bunch of guys brawl on one side and Neidhart gets eliminated in the process. Warrior reverses a DiBiase whip and then clotheslines him to the floor. Nice effort by DiBiase who becomes the first Iron Man of Rumble matches. #25 is Hulk Hogan and the exit sign lights up for a lot of guys. Snuka gone! Haku gone! Santana gone! It’s now Martel paired up with the Warrior and Honky tangling with Hogan. Shawn Michaels comes down at #26 as Hogan tosses Honky out. Warrior goes into hurry up mode and eliminates Shawn and Martel back-to-back. Shawn gets the Bushwhacker award tonight. We’re left with the Ultimate Face-off. Hogan and Warrior stare at each other as the crowd goes nuts. They criss-cross and then they clothesline each other. With both men down, the Barbarian comes out at #27. He has his way with both Warrior and Hogan. Before we get a countdown, Rick Rude enters at #28. Rude hits Warrior with a dropkick as the Barbarian tries to eliminate Hogan. Rude comes over to help the Barbarian, but Warrior makes the save. Soon the Barbarian and Rude try to eliminate the Warrior and Hogan comes over and finishes the job. Oh Hulk, you are a devious one. Warrior comes back in and beats up the heels some more, simply because he’s crazy. Hogan gets some help, as if he needs it, from #29 Hercules. Hogan gives the Barbarian a back rake to show how tough he is. And because he is what he says he is, Mr. Perfect is our #30 entrant.

Heel miscommunication between the Barbarian and Rude allows Hercules to eliminate the Barbarian. That makes our Final Four Hogan, Perfect, Rude and Hercules. The weak link of the bunch, Hercules gets eliminated by a Rude clothesline. Rude accidentally hits Perfect with a forearm and knocks him through the ropes. Hogan whips Rude to the ropes which are pulled down as Perfect hoists himself up. That causes Rude to be eliminated. Perfect comes in and hits Hogan with the PerfectPlex. That causes Hogan to pop up and go to work on Perfect. After Perfect hits the top of the post from a slingshot, Hogan grabs him and tosses him out for the victory.

Bottom Line: A pretty decent Rumble that nicely set up numerous feuds for Wrestlemania (Hogan/Warrior, Jake/DiBiase, Dusty/Macho, Piper/Bad News, and Demolition/Colossal Connection). There were also very few lulls during the course of the match. The only negative was the uncreative finish. Perfect was originally booked to win the match, but you can guess who vetoed that idea. That’s right, HHH. ****

RBR: The Debt

This got lost in the shuffle when it was released back in August, but it was hard for me to ignore a film that boasts acting greats like Helen Mirren and Tom Wilkinson, along with rising stars like Sam Worthington and Jessica Chastain. The film deals a trio of Mossad agents who are attempting to hunt down a Nazi doctor. In order to do so, the film flashes back and forth between the time of the mission and current day. This can be an effective narrative device, but I didn't like it hear and thought it just made the film more confusing, not engaging. And because we jump back and forth, not enough time is given to Mirren and Wilkenson, who play the older versions of two of the agents. And while I liked some of the action scenes in the film, there was not enough of that in here. Instead, we get a deeper look into these agents personally and I just wasn't captivated by it. In its attempt to look at how these agents handle this mission, the film can't find the right voice to treat this subject (which has its roots in real life) properly. If it was trying to be poignant, it failed to do so. If you want a decent foreign espionage thriller, I'd recommend Hanna over this commendable, but otherwise confusing film. Rating: ***

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1989

- As we continue on, this is the first Rumble to appear on PPV. We're also up to the tradition 30 participants here.

Royal Rumble 1989

Emanating from The Summit in Houston, TX

Historical moment right from the get-go as Ax is #1 and Smash is #2. It’s a good thing they never split and feuded because their action here is not worth noting. Thankfully Andre is #3 and the Demos turn their attention to him. Jesse says Andre is up by 1 or 2 on him on Battle Royal wins. Ha! More punching and kicking as Mr. Perfect strolls in at #4. Perfect slugs everyone as Andre casually tosses Smash out. Ax sends Perfect CRASHING into the corner. “Rugged” Ronnie Garvin is #5. Andre gets triple teamed but fights back. Perfect oversells like only he can to Andre’s offense. Greg Valentine is #6. Andre continues to be the focus of attack. This angers the Giant as he sends Garvin to the floor. Jake Roberts is #7 to wake up the crowd. Jake who actually has a beef with Andre can’t attack him as Andre beats him to the punch. Jake is getting squashed in there! Cueball Ron Bass is #8 as Andre tosses out Jake. Off to the bars for Roberts. Valentine and Perfect take over on Andre while Ax and Bass square off. Shriek! It’s Shawn Michaels at #9. Perfect perfectly launches Ax out. Perfect and Michaels face off and now I’m interested. Butch is #10. Man what a POP for Butch! Oh wait, never mind, it’s for Jake who is back out with Damian. Jake chases Andre over the top rope and out.

Honky is #11. Everyone is squared off: Butch and Bass, Perfect and Honky, Michaels and Hammer. Fans squeal over the prospects of Honky getting pitched. Tito is #12. He goes straight for Perfect. Butch bites Honky; nothing new there. Bad News is #13. Ring is getting crowded now. Honky finally gets tossed by Tito and Butch. Marty Jannetty is #14. Rockers join forces to eliminate Ron Bass with a double dropkick. Jannetty bashes Perfect’s head in the top, middle, and bottom turnbuckles. Talk about driving home a point. Macho Man is #15 and immediately goes after Bad News. Arn Anderson is #16. Savage eliminates Valentine. Double A and Macho team up (talk about strange bedfellows) and eliminate Shawn Michaels. Anderson goes up top but gets crotched. Have no fear Arn because Tully is #17 to help you out. The Brainbusters soon work over Jannetty. Jannetty, on the brink of elimination, eventually gets shoved out by Blanchard. Hogan is #18 and I think we’re going to see some spring-cleaning. Bye Perfect! Bye Tito! Hogan gets into trouble and Macho doesn’t help. Hmmm… Luke is #19. As he hits the ring, Bad News and The Hulkster eliminate Butch. Koko B. Ware is #20. Anderson goes up top again and gets caught again. Think Arn! Koko gets dumped by Hogan. He’s got the record tonight for shortest appearance. Luke gets tossed by Hogan now too. We’re down to the Busters on Hogan and Bad News fighting Macho Man.

Here comes Warlord at #21. Hogan has now eliminated Tully and Arn. Warlord steps in and goes right back out via a Hogan clothesline. Spoke too soon about Koko, congrats Warlord. Now Hogan runs over and dumps Bad News AND Macho Man. “Uh oh, Savage is hot” so says Ventura. And I would be too. Elizabeth comes out to play peacekeeper. She gets Savage to agree to shake hands and Hulk is reluctant. What should he be reluctant for?!? Hulk then shakes and hugs. AWW! Before the lovefest can continue the buzzer sounds and here comes the Bossman at #22. Man, Bossman was huge back then. It’s all Hogan to start off with. Avalanche slows Hogan down. Akeem waddles down at #23 to even the sides against Hogan. Yes, I said even the sides. Towers eventually get the upper hand and eliminate Hulk. Whaaaa? Brutus Beefcake is #24. As the Towers double team Beefcake, Hogan pulls the top rope down to eliminate the Bossman. Our Hero! Hulk and Bossman fight to the locker room. Meanwhile, Akeem works over Beefcake in the corner. You’ll notice Brutus looks to the cameraman to see if he’s filming and then shouts in pain as if he was a nervous young girl filming her first porn video. The Red Rooster is #25 and struts and pecks his way down to ringside. Akeem gets double-teamed by the Barber and Taylor. The Barbarian is #26. Crowd is beginning to realize there isn’t much left in the way of star power. Big John Studd is #27. Studd shoves the Rooster down so he can have Akeem all to himself. Hercules is #28. Nothing of note happening. Rick Martel is #29 and Jesse wonders how he got such a high number. I have my suspicions as well. Million Dollar Man is #30. Man, I don’t know why Ted was so upset at the drawing earlier in the evening. I’d be thrilled with #30. But hey, that’s me. Virgil stays at ringside. Just to spectate I assume.

Dibiase makes an immediate impact by tossing the Rooster out. Sleeper by Brutus on Hercules is costly as Dibiase and The Barbarian dump them both. Barbarian charges but misses and Martel eliminates him. Down to the Final Four, consisting of Dibiase, Martel, Studd, and Akeem. Eh, could be worse. Martel doesn’t learn from the Barbarian though as a charge gets him tossed by Akeem. Dibiase then begins directing traffic, ordering an Akeem attack on Studd. Studd says no more and uses Dibiase as a shield. He then dumps Akeem leaving Dibiase all alone. Studd toys with him for a few minutes before eventually vanquishing him. Virgil then tries his luck and gets tossed too. Crowd politely cheers.

Bottom Line: Fairly entertaining Rumble. They did a nice job of continuing the slow boil that led to the MegaPowers exploding. Booking Studd as the winner came as a shock. Obviously, this was before they used the Rumble as a method for determining the #1 contender. *** ½

RBR: Cowboys & Aliens

I had high hopes for this one and can you blame me? I mean this was a genre-burring film starring James Bond and Indiana Jones being directed by the guy that did Iron Man. And yet with all that star power, I struggled to keep my interest as I watched this film. It attempts to mix sci-fi with westerns and ends up doing neither genre any justice. Given that this is not a conventional storyline, there is understandably not a lot of previous work that they can base this one on. With that said, there are still too many aspects of this story that were confusing or implausible. For starters, none of these characters seem all that freaked out by the fact that there are alien creatures attacking there town. It's one thing for a character set in modern day to be nonplussed by an alien invasion because they would have at least seen alien movies or read stories about creatures from another planet. But would anyone who was living during the time period that this film is set have heard of an alien before? They acted the same as if it had been a posse of outlaws who had just rolled into town looking to cause problems. There's also the confusing nature of why exactly the aliens are here. We get some vague explanation, but not enough to satisfy me. We also have some poor character development. Harrison Ford's Colonel Dollarhyde goes from crusty hardass to big softie WAY too quickly in the film. Frankly, it would have been more interesting had he remained cranky throughout the film. You also have Olivia Wilde playing a woman with a mysterious background that is also never fully explained. Meanwhile, Daniel Craig looks badass during the action scenes, but since his character has amnesia he's sort of a blank slate when it comes to personality, which isn't very exciting. I give everyone involved here a lot of credit for trying something different and inventive, I just wish the execution of the idea had been stronger. This is a big disappointment and probably not worth a recommendation regardless of if you're a western, sci-fi, Harrison Ford, or Daniel Craig fan. When cowboys and aliens meet, two genres enter and nobody comes out entertained. Rating: ** 1/2

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1988

This years marks the 25th Royal Rumble, my favorite match in pro wrestling. In honor of this distinction over the next two weeks, I'll be looking back at the previous years' matches leading up to this year's event on January 29th. So that each of these posts are not too long, I'll only be recapping/reviewing the Rumble match itself from each year. Most of these reviews will be the same as the ones I wrote for the website Online Onslaught. If you enjoy these, feel free to head over there and read my reviews of all the old pay-per-views. So let's get this started with the innaugural edition...

1988 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Copps Coliseum in Hamilton, Ontario Canada

About the only difference between this match and the one we know today is that there were only twenty participants in this one. #1 is Bret Hart and #2 is Tito Santana; a fine pair to kick things off. Bret starts off by beating down Santana in the corner. Santana comes back and delivers some rights of his own. As Bret goes to eliminate Santana, Butch Reed comes out at #3. He naturally goes after Santana. Get it, naturally? Santana retaliates with a double noggin knocker on the heels. Things get worse for Santana as #4 is Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart. They triple team Santana, but do not eliminate him before Jake “the Snake” Roberts comes in at #5. He comes up behind Reed and eliminates him. Jake attacks the Hart Foundation and soon Santana helps him. Harley Race is #6, as the Harts go back on offense. Everybody dukes it out with nothing special happening until Jumping Jim Brunzell arrives at #7. We’ve paired off now with Brunzell battling Race, Santana hammering Bret, and Jake and Neidhart going at it. #8 is Sam Houston and he goes after Neidhart. The Harts team up and toss Santana out of the ring. Dangerous Danny Davis is the #9 entrant and he immediately brawls with Houston. Jake has Race teetering on the ropes. The ring is starting to fill up as Boris Zhukov enters at #10.

#11 is…is…well, both Don Muraco and Nikoli Volkoff come down to the ring. The referees let Muraco in and hold back Nikoli. As he argues with the refs, his partner, Zhukov is eliminated. It’s time for #12 and now they let Nikoli enter. They could have played that better and had it where Nikoli just missed out on saving his partner. Meanwhile, Muraco throws Race out of the ring. As Race argues with the refs, Hacksaw Jim Duggan comes out at #13. Those two exchange shots before Race eventually runs away. Jake teases about his fourth or fifth DDT of the match, but still doesn’t hit it. Outlaw Ron Bass is #14 and the ring is still pretty crowded. Nikoli picks up Brunzell and dumps him to the floor. And what poor timing as B. Brian Blair now enters at #15. It’s your typical run of the mill brawling from everyone as Hillbilly Jim comes out at #16. He makes an immediate impact by eliminating Neidhart. #17 is Dino Bravo who earlier tonight ahem ‘broke’ the bench press world record. Bass gets Houston up on his shoulders and then tosses him to the floor. Charging out at #18 is the Ultimate Warrior. Soon after, Muraco grabs Bret and throws him out. Good showing by Bret going about 25 mins. in this initial Rumble. #19 is OMG! I’m not surprised; it’s just the One Man Gang. He grabs Blair and quickly disposes of him. Now the Gang eliminates Jake. The field is complete as Junkyard Dog comes out at #20.

Duggan ducks a clothesline and flips Nikoli out of the ring. The Gang continues to dominate as he now gets rid of Hillbilly. Duggan charges and clotheslines Davis out of the ring, much to the delight of the crowd. Bravo and the Gang team up to toss out the Warrior. They’re dropping like flies now. As JYD attacks the Gang, Bass comes from behind and throws him out. That’s followed by Muraco clotheslining him out of the ring. That means the inaugural Final Four are: One Man Gang, Don Muraco, Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Dino Bravo. Muraco holds his own against the heels until he dropkicks Frenchy Martin. That allows Bravo to attack him. He then holds Muraco and allows the Gang to clothesline him to the floor. Duggan’s divide and conquer against the Gang and Bravo only works briefly. The heels try the same move they just did on Muraco, but this time Duggan moves and the Gang accidentally eliminates Bravo. The Gang charges at Duggan, but Duggan drops down and the Gang falls out and to the floor. Hacksaw is going to Wrestlemania!! Oh wait, nevermind. Actually, Duggan did have a chance of winning the title because he was part of the WWF title tournament that was held at Wrestlemania that year. Who knew they inadvertently had the “winner gets a title shot as Wrestlemania” stipulation in since the beginning.

Bottom Line: Given all the other Rumble matches since then, this one is far from one of the best. Still, it was inventive enough from the beginning that it was able to endure and become a classic tradition. I would have preferred more eliminations throughout the match, but they were still ironing out the kinks here. Having Duggan win wouldn’t have been my first suggestion, but since a win here really meant nothing, I won’t let it bother me too much. *** (out of a possible five)

The Comeback Kid deleted scenes

Paulitical opponent

From nymag.com

For months now, fans of NBC's Parks and Recreation have been wondering just who might play Leslie Knope's opponent in her race for city council. There'd been speculation that Katherine Hahn (Free Agent) might be tackling the role, but it turned out she's set to play an adviser to one of Leslie's rivals. With the election plotline heating up on the show — according to NBC's listings, the next three scheduled episodes, including this Thursday's, all have campaign themes — Vulture set out to discover the identity of Knope's new nemesis. We believe we have done so, and it appears Leslie will be doing political battle against ...

Paul Rudd! The star of films such as I Love You, Man and Role Models will appear in at least one upcoming episode of Parks and Recreation, Vulture has learned. Nobody from the show or NBC would confirm the casting, but our industry sources say Rudd shot his scenes late last year. That likely means his appearance will come sometime within the next month. While Rudd did a vocal guest-stint on The Simpsons last season and has guested in the past on the late, lamented Veronica Mars and Reno 911!, the Parks and Rec stint marks his return to Thursday nights on NBC after spending several years as a recurring player on Friends. Rudd also has several movies coming out this year, including Wanderlust (opposite Jennifer Aniston), Judd Apatow's This Is 40, and The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Nobody's Holmes

When I did my 2011 movie preview, two of the films that I ranked high on the list were The Hangover Part II and Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. Both merited their spot because of how much I enjoyed each of their original films. However, in my preview of both of these sequels, I questioned how good they could be given that each of them were coming out only two years after their predecessor. Earlier this year my suspicions were proven correct as most people agreed that the second Hangover was nothing but a pale imitation of the first. Sadly, the same turns out to be true for Sherlock Holmes

2009's Sherlock Holmes was one of the most pleasant surprises I had had at the movies in recent years. What could have been awful turned out to be an extremely engaging and entertaining film. I loved the way director Guy Ritchie had woven the more violent aspects of the film into Holmes' cerebral nature. And of course, the casting of Robert Downey Jr. as the titular gumshoe and Jude Law as his faithful sidekick, Watson was inspired. They had even managed to nicely sow the seeds for this sequel with the introduction of Holmes' arch-rival, Professor Moriarty.

Fast-forward to this sequel and hardly any of what made the first film so appealing can be found. The biggest absence is a central mystery. Instead of having Sherlock track down the clues of Moriarty's latest elaborate crime, they turn the professor (played by Jared Harris) into a Bond-esque villain, who's out to start a world war. The elements of Moriarty's plan that are left to mystery are not very engaging, nor do they truly test Holmes' intelligence. Late in the film, the two rivals play a literal game of chess to represent the supposed metaphorical one that they've been playing the entire movie, but I think dodgeball would have been a more apt analogy. The film spends way too much time on gunfights and/or people trying to escape a hail of gunfire. While the action that was incorporated into the first film fit, here it feels excessive and unnecessary.

A lack of mystery is not the only thing missing from the film. This sequel was also in need of more snappy dialogue. While Downey and Law are still able to exchange a number of clever and witty barbs at each other, there is no one else here for them to play off of. A lot of the fun from the first film came from Holmes' interactions with both Inspector Lestrade and Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams). The globe-spanning plot of this film forced Holmes out of London, thus Lestrade was limited to a mere cameo. Meanwhile Irene briefly shows up at the beginning of the film only to have her appearance be ended rather abruptly. Both of their presence were sorely missed throughout most of the film.

It doesn't help that the female substitute for McAdams' Adler is Noomi Rapace, a gypsy woman who has connections to Moriarty's plot. Rapace is a charisma vacuum in this film and weighs down every scene she's in with the film's leads. Why the writers felt the need to have her stay with the detectives throughout the movie is baffling to me. She added nothing to the audience's enjoyment of the film and she added nothing to help Holmes and Watson solve the case. I can only hope that if a third film is made (and it will be) that her character is nowhere to be seen in it.

Had this been a generic action movie set in this time period, I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more. The film keeps the story moving along and there's plenty in it to keep your attention. But because of the Sherlock Holmes name and the quality of the first film, there were certain expectations that I had for this sequel that simply were not met. This just reeked of a cash grab instead of taking the time to create a good story. Downey and Law's talent can only take things so far. And while they did their best to make this enjoyable, there were just too many other variables that weighed this film down. I can only hope that more time and effort goes into making the third film. I'm not ready to give up on this franchise, but this was one of the biggest disappointments I had this year at the movies, and sadly there were a lot of them this year. How they managed to botch this film so badly is a mystery that not even Holmes himself could solve. Grade: C+

Local locos

While actual news continues to be slow during the holidays, here's a look back at some classic local news bloopers that made the rounds on the internet in the past year.