WrestleFest Being Re-Released For iOS February 21st

WrestleFest Being Re-Released For iOS February 21st

I can't tell you how much money I pumped into this arcade machine when I was a kid. It's a shame they couldn't strike deals with everyone from the original game (I'm looking at your Warrior) but I like that they decided to include some more modern guys (Austin, Rock, Cena, Undertaker) to make up for it. As long as it's not ridiculously priced, I'll definitely be downloading this on Tuesday.

Royal Rumble Rewind: 2003

Yet another wrinkle was added to the Rumble match in 2003 now that the company had split into two brands. Each brand provided 15 entrants into the match and the winner would get a championship match against their brand's champion at Wrestlemania that year.

2003 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Fleet Center in Boston, MA

One of the stories going into this match is the developing feud between Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho. Jericho was out to prove he was just like Shawn, only better. When Vince made Shawn #1, Jericho made himself #2 so that he could not only beat Shawn, but go the distance just like Shawn did back in ’95. As Shawn waits in the ring, Jericho’s music plays, but it’s revealed that it’s Christian in the aisle. Jericho comes through the crowd and attacks Shawn from behind. Jericho goes outside, grabs a chair and nails Shawn with it. Shawn’s been busted open from that. Chris Nowinski comes out as our #3 entrant, but stays at ringside to allow Jericho to continue his beatdown. With Shawn completely out of it, Jericho picks him up and dumps him over the top rope to eliminate him. Wow! Rey Mysterio is out at #4 and he immediately hits Jericho with a springboard dropkick. Those two do some more fast-paced action as Nowinski continues to look on from ringside. With Rey on the top turnbuckle, Jericho tries to shove him out, but Rey manages to hang onto the post. As Rey makes his way back inside, Nowinski finally comes in and gangs up on him. #5 is Edge, who comes out to help his friend. Edge and Rey clear Jericho and Nowinski out of the ring, but neither went over the top rope. Now Edge and Rey go at it and have a fantastic sequence with both men nearly eliminating the other. Christian enters at #6 and immediately hugs his brother Edge. Edge pretends to reciprocate the love and then spears him. Rey gets on Edge’s shoulders to do a double-team move, when Nowinski comes in and tosses both over the top rope. They both hang on and reenter by giving Nowinski tandem missile dropkicks; one of which nails him right in the face. Brutal looking spot there. As Rey gives Nowinski the Bronco Buster, Chavo Guerrero comes out at #7. Rey and Chavo do some awesome stuff with Rey connecting with the 619. After giving another one to Christian, Rey goes for the West Coast Pop on Nowinski. Nowinski blocks it, but Rey manages to ‘rana him over the top rope and to the floor. As Rey comes back in, Jericho runs over and clotheslines him out of the ring to end his night. Tajiri is the #8 entrant and he gives everyone some stiff kicks. Out #9 entrant is Bill DeMott and he hits everyone in his path. DeMott throws Jericho over, but he hangs on. We’ve paired off now with DeMott taking on Edge, Chavo battling Christian and Jericho trying to eliminate Tajiri. #10 is Tommy Dreamer and he’s brought weapons with him. Dreamer comes in and delivers cane shots to everyone. Edge grabs a cane and the two of them pelt DeMott (which I’m loving). One big cane shot by Edge is enough to knock DeMott over the top rope and to the floor. Jericho and Christian grab trash can lids and nail Dreamer. Those shots knock him out and they easily eliminate him. Tajiri attempt to put Jericho in the Tarantula, but Jericho shoves him off to end his night.

#11 is Bull Buchanan, who comes out and attacks everyone until Edge whips him into the corner and throws him out. Bull gets the Bushwhacker award tonight. Edge whips Chavo over the top rope, but he hangs on. As he tries to come back in, Edge spears him to the floor. Edge tosses Jericho, but he hangs on and reenters to dump out both Edge and Christian. Jericho left alone. He doesn’t wait long before RVD comes out at #12. RVD gets the better of Jericho in their early exchange. RVD catapults Jericho over the top rope, but he again hangs on. Now Matt Hardy appears at #13. Matt Fact: Matt strongly dislikes mustard. Matt is joined by Mattitude follower, Shannon Moore. Matt teams up with Jericho to beat up RVD. RVD recovers and plays divide and conquer. RVD hits Jericho with the Five Star Frog Splash. Matt grabs RVD and tosses him, but RVD hangs on. #14 is Eddie Guerrero and he takes on everybody. RVD attempts to eliminate Eddie, but Matt makes the save. Eddie hits RVD with the frog splash, only to be given the Twist of Fate by Matt. As Matt stands tall, Jeff Hardy enters at #15. Matt tries to make peace, but Jeff will have none of it. Jeff tosses Matt out, but Shannon Moore prevents him from hitting the floor. Jeff sets Matt up for the swanton bomb, but Shannon comes in and tries to stop him. Shannon lays on top of Matt, so Jeff just gives both of them the swanton. Our streak of decent workers ends when Rosey enters at #16. The pairs right now are Jeff/Matt, Rosey/RVD, and Jericho/Eddie. The Testicles are pleased to see Test at #17. He comes in and is dominant. He tosses out Jericho, who again manages to hang on. The buzzer rings and out comes #18, John Cena with a rap. His rhymes go on for nearly the full 90 seconds and are quite enjoyable. Even Tazz seems to get a kick out of them. Oh how I miss those days. RVD’s heard enough though, and comes out to throw him into the ring. It’s now time for #19, one half of Team Angle, Charlie Haas. The ring is filling up quickly. As Jeff goes for the corkscrew moonsault, RVD shoves him to the floor. Making his 8th Rumble appearance, the 20th entrant is Rikishi. Rikishi and Rosey briefly team up before Rosey turns on him.

Rosey’s partner in crime, Jamal, is our #21 entrant. Rikishi quickly knocks him down and gives him a stinkface. Jericho heaves RVD over, but he hangs on. #22 is Kane and hopefully he’ll clear the ring of some dead wood. He grants my wish by eliminating Rosey. Kane tosses Jericho over, but somehow he manages to hang on. Jericho has had the most near eliminations ever in the history of the Rumble. His ability to hang on has been incredible. Shelton Benjamin is #23 and he immediately does a double-team move with Haas on Cena. How great are these guys? There are several near eliminations, but nobody goes. At #24 is Booker T and he makes an immediate impact by giving Kane a scissors kick and Matt a flapjack. After doing a spinaroonie, Booker grabs Eddie and throws him out of the ring. All aboard! It’s A-Train at #25. He attacks a bunch of people, but doesn’t eliminate anybody. Suddenly, Shawn Michaels runs out and attacks Jericho. His attack allows Test to come over and toss Jericho out. Now Shawn flies over the top rope and lands on Jericho. As the referees separate those two, Maven comes out at #26. There are still no eliminations when Goldust makes his entrance at #27. Goldust attacks Team Angle and then gives Maven Shattered Dreams. Team Angle work together to eliminate Goldust. They follow that up by getting rid of Booker. That’s somewhat disappointing. #28 is Batista and he hits everything in his way. Test tries to get rid of Batista, but when he goes for the big boot, Batista ducks and Test falls all the way to the floor. Now Batista clotheslines Rikishi out of the ring. Making his second appearance of the night, Brock Lesnar comes out at #29. Team Angle try to get rid of him, but he reverses their momentum and tosses both of them out. Then Brock picks up Matt and F5s him on top of Team Angle. Everyone gets on their feet, because they know that #30 is the returning Undertaker. He makes an immediate impact by clotheslining Cena and Jamal out of the ring. Maven nails Taker with a dropkick, but doesn’t get the same result as last year. Taker grabs Maven and chokeslams him. Then he throws him to the floor. Kane and RVD team up to eliminate A-Train from the match. RVD wants Kane to press slam him onto Batista, but Kane press slams him out of the ring instead.

That leaves us with a Final Four of Kane, Batista, Taker and Brock. Kane and Batista clothesline each other. As Brock and Taker stare each other down, Kane and Batista attack them. Brock battles Batista and Kane himself and gives Kane an F5. Taker and Brock go at it and Brock gets the better of it. Taker reverses an F5 attempt and tombstones Brock. Then he runs over and clotheslines Batista out of the ring. Taker and Kane seemingly team up until Taker grabs Kane and throws him out of the ring. Batista reenters with a chair, but Taker stops him. Taker nails Batista with the chair, but Brock comes up behind Taker and dumps him out of the ring to win it.

Postmatch: Taker comes back in, but it’s just to congratulate him on a job well done.

Bottom Line: This was a highly enjoyable Rumble and had one of the best set of wrestlers in it. The first half of the Rumble was just non-stop action, which nicely utilized a lot of Smackdown’s top stars. The second half dragged a bit because eliminations were few and far between. It wasn’t as bad as it should have been, because most of the guys sticking around were ones you wanted to stay. The worst part of the Rumble was the ending. The final four wasn’t great and it was pretty clear who was winning this thing. Still, this was one of the more entertaining Rumbles in recent years. **** ¼

Royal Rumble Rewind: 2002

In 2002, the WWF was going through some big transitions as they tried to find ways to integrate the former WCW guys into their roster. But on this night, they made sure that one of their own, the returning Triple H was front and center.

2002 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Phillips Arena in Atlanta, GA

Rikishi is #1 and Goldust is #2. That is perhaps the oddest pairing to start off the Rumble. By the way, Goldust is one of four superstars making their big return tonight in this match. The two trade rights to begin. Rikishi hurls Goldust over, but he hangs on. Upon re-entry, Goldust goes low on him. Rikishi dumps Goldust again, but again he hangs on. #3 enters and it’s the Big Boss Man. Goldust and the Bossman try to team up, but Rikishi fends them both off. Nothing much happens when Bradshaw comes out at #4. He comes in and manhandles everyone. Rikishi knocks down the Bossman and gives him the Stinkface. Rikishi kicks the Bossman and then clotheslines him out of the ring. Lance Storm comes out at #5 and he goes after Goldust. Rikishi tries to eliminate Bradshaw, while Storm tries to get rid of Goldust. #6 is Al Snow and he attacks everything in sight. Bradshaw blasts Storm with the Clothesline from Hell, but can’t get rid of him. We’ve yet to get a major name in this Rumble as #7 is Billy Gunn. Some of my least favorite stars are in the ring right now. Gunn comes in and gets jumped by Bradshaw. Storm and Snow get each other onto the apron. Snow blocks a kick by Storm and then delivers a kick of his own to eliminate him. Bradshaw gets Goldust onto the apron, but as he tries to kick him to the floor, Gunn comes from behind and dumps him out of the ring. Suddenly things perk up because here’s the Undertaker at #8. Taker comes in and destroys everybody. Out goes Goldust, out goes Snow, out goes Rikishi and finally out goes Gunn. Taker is standing tall and standing alone. Matt Hardy has the unfortunate luck of being #9. The Hardyz have history with Taker, as he recently put both of them and Lita on the shelf. Taker quickly tries to chokeslam Matt when Lita comes in and tries to help. Taker grabs her too, but she kicks him low. Now Matt and Lita put the boots to Taker. As Taker tries to suplex Matt out of the ring, he gets saved by his brother Jeff, who’s out at #10. The Hardyz now begin to double-team Taker. They go for Poetry in Motion, but Taker catches Jeff and dumps him to the floor. Taker then gives Matt the Last Ride and eliminates him.

The sorry sap at #11 is Tough Enough winner, Maven. Taker begins to attack Maven, but the Hardyz come in and jump him again. Taker disposes of them again, but as he talks trash, Maven dropkicks him from behind and knocks him out of the ring. A huge crowd pop for that shocker. Taker comes back in the ring and begins to attack Maven. Taker takes him out of the ring and blasts him with a chair. As the beatdown continues, Scotty 2 Hotty strolls out at #12. Taker knocks down Scotty and then goes back to Maven. Taker takes Maven into the crowd and continues the assault. As Christian comes out at #13, Taker attacks Maven by the concession stand by throwing him through the glass of a popcorn cart. Neither Maven, nor Scotty have been eliminated, but since Christian is the only one in the ring, he takes a rest on the ropes. Scotty finally makes it in and dukes it out with Christian. Meanwhile, Maven for all intents and purposes has been eliminated. As they fight, DDP enters at #14. DDP hits Christian with the Diamond Cutter, but then Scotty kicks him and he falls through the ropes. Scotty then bulldogs Christian and gives him the Worm. However, DDP comes in and throws him out of the ring. The #15 entrant is Chuck Palumbo, who gets into a slugfest with DDP. We get more nothingness when the Godfather returns at #16. The Godfather brings out an entire row of hos and dances with them. While that happens, Christian and Palumbo team up to eliminate DDP off-screen. The Godfather’s antics last the whole two minutes and it’s already time for Albert to come out at #17. He comes in and manhandles everyone. As Albert tries to get rid of the Godfather, Christian and Palumbo come from behind and throw him to the floor. The Godfather attempts the Ho Train on both Christian and Palumbo. However, they both avoid it and then clothesline him out of the ring. Christian and Palumbo start to go at it when Perry Saturn arrives at #18. The three blandly fight for two minutes. The boredom ends when Austin enters at #19. Not surprisingly, he eliminates all three in quick fashion. Realizing he has time to kill, he brings Christian and Palumbo back in and eliminates them again. Austin checks his watch again and waits until another returning star, Val Venis comes out at #20. Austin brings Val in and quickly stomps a mudhole in him. Val starts to mount an offensive, but Austin comes back with the Lou Thesz Press.

Now the #21 entrant, Test makes his way to the ring. Test and Val team up to attack Austin. Heel miscommunication leads to Test giving Val the big boot. Austin is then able to clothesline Val out of the ring. Test goes for the boot on Austin, but misses. Austin then gives him a Stunner and eliminates him. As Austin waits, he gets some competition at #22 in the form of HHH, who’s recently back from quad surgery. The two do a long staredown before going at it. Just as they start going at it, the Hurricane arrives at #23. When he enters, both men are down. He tries to chokeslam both men, but they just look at him and then throw him out of the ring. Austin and HHH go at it again, when we get our #24 entrant, Farooq. Farooq tries to divide and conquer, but soon he suffers a Stunner and then gets clotheslined out by HHH. Austin and HHH continue to go at it when the best of the returning stars, Mr. Perfect joins us at #25. Perfect takes his time to come in, but then jumps Austin when he does. As Austin and HHH try to get Perfect out, he’s able to spit out his gum and swat it away. Truly awesome! Making his first Rumble appearance, here’s Kurt Angle at #26. We’ve paired off now with Angle taking on HHH and Austin squaring off against Perfect. The crowd starts a “You Suck”, “What?” chant. Nice! Angle gets close to eliminating HHH when Austin makes the save. Big Show arrives at #27 and he destroys everybody. Show’s in complete control, but he hasn’t eliminated anyone. Now Kane comes out at #28. He and Show duke it out, but nobody moves. Kane lowblows Show and then slams him over the top rope to get rid of him. Wow! Kane turns around and receives a Stunner from Austin. Angle then gives him an Angle Slam to the floor. Double wow! We’re back to that foursome duking it out. RVD enters at #29 and with perfect timing. Angle is lying on the mat, so RVD enters by giving him the Five Star Frog Splash. He then kicks down everyone and gives Austin rolling thunder. However, he turns around and receives the Pedigree from HHH. Our final entrant tonight is the five-time WCW champ, Booker T. He comes in and tosses out RVD, who was still out from the Pedigree. Major bummer there. With everyone else preoccupied, Booker decides to do a Spinaroonie. When he pops up though, he gets hit with a Stunner that knocks him over the top rope and to the floor.

We’re left with a Final Four of: Austin, Angle, Perfect and HHH. That’s a pretty awesome quartet. Angle goes for the Angle Slam on Austin, but he escapes and tries for a Stunner. Angle shoves him off and into HHH, who attempts to give him a Pedigree. Austin reverses that and catapults HHH into the turnbuckle. Angle follows that up with an Angle Slam on HHH. Awesome sequence! Now Angle gives Austin three German suplexes. Angle and Perfect try to eliminate Austin, but can’t get it done. Austin hoists Perfect up, but Angle runs up and dumps Austin to the floor. Shocking! Austin pulls Perfect out of the ring and starts to attack him. Angle comes out and throws Austin into the steps. As Angle and Perfect put the boots to HHH, Austin comes in with a chair and blasts both of them. Then he nails HHH. Perfect holds HHH for Angle, but Angle accidentally clotheslines Perfect instead. Perfect and Angle now battle. Perfect hits Angle with the Perfectplex and Perfect neckbreaker. However, HHH gets up and clotheslines him out of the ring. HHH tackles Angle and punches away on him. Angle comes back with a belly-to-belly suplex. HHH charges and Angle backdrops him over the top rope. Angle thinks he’s won, but HHH held on. HHH comes back in, gives Angle a facebuster and then clotheslines him out of the ring to win the 2002 Royal Rumble.

Bottom Line: They certainly back-loaded this Rumble. Aside from Taker’s shocking elimination, nothing interesting happened for the first 2/3rds of this Rumble. Given that they had just gained a bunch of talent from WCW, the roster for this Rumble was weaker than you would have expected. The last part of the Rumble was solid, but not strong enough to make this a great one. The returning stars were nice, but it would have been better had they been actual surprises instead of announced weeks prior to the show. In the end, the HHH win wasn’t terribly shocking, but it was the right move, given he was a top star returning from a lengthy injury. *** ½

Royal Rumble Rewind: 2001

By 2001 the WWF was firing on all cylinders and this show kicked off a three month run of possibly the best shows ever produced in professional wrestling. The roster was an embarassment of riches, each of whom was eager to steal the show every night.

2001 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the New Orleans Arena in New Orleans, LA

Jeff Hardy is #1 and Bull Buchanan is #2. Tag team wrestlers kicking this off? Looks like no one will be going the distance this year. Bull gets Jeff on the apron early, but can’t knock him off. As Jeff tries to survive, he gets some help from his brother Matt at #3. They quickly dispose of Bull and now contemplate fighting each other. The two actually go at it until Farooq comes out at #4. The Hardyz try for Poetry in Motion on him and botch it badly. However, they recover to hit Farooq with the Twist of Fate and swanton bomb. That combo allows them to easily dump him out. The brothers go at it again when lo and behold it’s Drew Carey at #5. Drew was at this event to promote an upcoming pay-per-view special. As Drew slowly gets in the ring, the Hardyz battle on the top rope and end up eliminating each other. Drew stands alone! He is not lonely for long because at #6 through hellfire and brimstone it’s Kane! Kane takes his time getting in the ring and then does his corner pyro. Drew offers him some money, but that won’t help. Kane is about to chokeslam Drew when Raven comes out at #7 and attacks him. Drew takes that opportunity to hop over the top rope and eliminate himself. And that, my friends, is a Hall of Fame performance. After being manhandled by Kane, Raven rolls under the ring. He grabs some weapons, but soon Al Snow jumps the gun and comes out prematurely at #8. He attacks Raven on the floor, but the referees wait for the buzzer before they let him in the ring. Snow attacks Kane and Raven with a trash can lid. Then he splits Raven’s uprights with a bowling ball. As Raven and Snow abuse Kane with trash cans, Saturn comes out at #9. Saturn goes for Kane’s leg and attacks it. All 3 men gang up on Kane to try and take him down. Steve Blackman runs out at #10 and adds to this hardcore section of the Rumble with his karate sticks.

Someone who’s not hardcore, Grandmaster Sexay, is the #11 entrant. Kane grabs a trash can and attacks everybody. His shot to Sexay knocks him over the top rope and to the floor. Kane goes on a rampage and eliminates Blackman, Snow, Raven and Saturn in short order. Just as Kane tosses out Saturn, we get a shocker, as the Honky Tonk Man is #12! Honky gets on the mic and plans to sing us a song. Kane isn’t in the mood to listen, so Kane grabs his gee-tar and blasts him with it. Kane shakes his head in disbelief and then tosses him out. Very funny stuff. Out at #13 is The Rock. Wow, early number for him. The Rock is a house of fire, but can’t eliminate Kane. Their battle is interrupted by #14, the Goodfather. The Rock takes a few seconds to give him a few shots and then gives him a big one to knock him right out. The Goodfather gets the Bushwacker award this year. The mood changes at #15 because here comes Tazz. Kane immediately grabs him by the throat and throws him back over the top rope. Sorry Goodfather, Tazz just took the Bushwacker award away from you. The Rock gets Kane up on the top rope, but can’t get him over. Both men are down after The Rock hits Kane with a Samoan Drop. That’s good news for entrant #16, Bradshaw. Bradshaw takes it to both men, but can’t eliminate either of them. #17 is Albert and he goes right for Kane. We’re paired up now as Albert tries to eliminate Bradshaw and Kane goes after The Rock. Coming out to zero reaction is Hardcore Holly at #18. Bradshaw and Hardcore come very close to eliminating The Rock. Now The Rock almost gets rid of Kane. K-Kwik is #19 and he goes after Albert. We’ve suddenly hit a lull in the match. Kane and Bradshaw hit power moves on Hardcore and K-Kwik respectively. That damn siren blares again as Val Venis comes out at #20. The ring is now filling up quickly.

Here to wave to all his people is our goodwill ambassador, William Regal at #21. Regal attacks anyone and everyone he sees. Our pairings are now Val/Bradshaw, Hardcore/The Rock, Albert/Kane and K-Kwik/Regal. Test is #22 and he makes an immediate impact by tossing out Regal. Back from fat camp is the returning Big Show at #23 and he looks bigger than ever. Show makes himself known by dumping Test and K-Kwik quickly. Then it’s chokeslams for everybody else that’s left. However, when he tries one of The Rock, he goes low. A few punches and a clothesline later and The Rock eliminates Show, just like that. Show clears off the announce table and grabs The Rock. Amid the chaos, Crash Holly comes out at #24. Show now takes The Rock and chokeslams him through the announce table. Meanwhile, everyone left, gangs up on Kane. As they try to eliminate him, here comes #25, The Undertaker. Taker fends off all of them to save Kane. Oh yeah, they like each other again now. Sheesh! Taker gets rid of Bradshaw and Hardcore. Kane, meanwhile, eliminates Crash and Albert. Now Taker throws out Val. Only the Brothers of Destruction remain in the ring, but The Rock is still in the match. Before the brothers can go at it, Scotty 2 Hotty comes out at #26. The two team up and just murder Scotty before mercifully dumping him out of the ring. I love it! The Rock is now slowly starting to get up. The brothers wait for the next entrant and they get their money’s worth because here comes Austin at #27. However, before he can get into the ring, HHH runs out and attacks him. The Rock gets back in the ring and Kane and Taker go after him, while HHH attacks Austin in the aisle. We see Austin’s been bloodied as Billy Gunn races out at #28. Ha! Lots of luck Billy. Kane stomps away on Gunn, while Taker and The Rock go at it. We get yet another surprise as Haku is #29. Where did he come from?!? He comes in and takes it to both Taker and Kane. J.R. and Lawler get into this great, heated debate over the fairness of HHH attacking Austin. To nobody’s surprise, it’s Rikishi at #30. Rikishi sees a bloodied Austin in the aisle and attacks him. Austin fights back and throws him into the ring. Now Austin stops a mudhole in Gunn. Yes! Austin then goes over and knocks Haku out of the ring. Taker chokeslams Rikishi as J.R. tells us that Kane has been in there for 50 minutes. Rikishi nails Taker with a superkick that sends him over the top rope and to the floor. Wow! Now Rikishi splashes The Rock in the corner. Rikishi goes for the Banzai Drop, but The Rock gives him a low blow and then dumps him out.

We have our Final Four and it’s Austin, The Rock, Kane and Billy Gunn. Why is Gunn still in there? Why couldn’t Taker or Rikishi last longer? Gunn blocks a Stunner and gives Austin the Fameasser. Give me a break! Gunn tries to throw him out, but Austin reverses it and sends Gunn to the floor. Good! Get him out of here! Now Austin and The Rock meet face-to-face and go at it. The Rock goes for a Rock Bottom, but Austin escapes and then hits him with a Stunner. Austin now connects with the Lou Thesz Press on Kane. As he gets up, The Rock nails him with the Rock Bottom. The Rock grabs Kane and tosses him, but Kane goes through the middle ropes. As Austin and The Rock try to eliminate each other, Kane comes back in and nails both of them. Austin hangs on, but The Rock falls to the floor. We’re down to two. Austin charges at Kane, but Kane grabs him and delivers a chokeslam. Kane grabs a chair and brings it into the ring. Austin stops him from using it, though. Austin escapes a Tombstone attempt and stunners Kane. Austin grabs the chair and gives Kane three big chairshots. With Kane staggering, Austin is able to clotheslines Kane to the floor. Austin wins it and is going to Wrestlemania!

Bottom Line: This was one hell of a Rumble. There were hardly any slow spots in this match. Between the comedy with Drew, the hardcore segment, and the stacked finish, there was always something to keep the crowd entertained. Not to mention, they provided a number of surprise entrants who were all effective. Unlike some Rumbles, this one had a number of stars at the end who could have won it. Some may criticize Austin winning his third Rumble, but given where they were headed, it was the right call. I also have to give credit to Kane, who delivered one hell of a performance. That was one of the most dominant Rumble performances in the history of the match. All in all, there’s very little to complain about this Rumble. **** ½

Royal Rumble Rewind: 2000

Entering into a new decade and century, the WWF rolled along. Despite Steve Austin being on the shelf at the time, the WWF continued to pump out entertaining shows and this one is no exception, thanks in part to a raccous New York crowd.

2000 Royal Rumble

Emanating from Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY

D’Lo Brown and Grandmaster Sexay have drawn #1 and #2 respectively. A pretty boring opening two if you ask me. Sexay dances, so D’Lo attacks him. Good move. D’Lo goes to powerbomb Sexay, but in a scary looking spot, Sexay reverses it into a hurricanrana. We don’t need another Droz incident, thank you very much. Sexay tosses D’Lo, but he hangs on. Mosh comes out at #3. Soon after, Kaientai, who were snubbed from the Rumble, come out and try to attack the combatants. However, they’re quickly disposed of. Sexay sloppily bulldogs D’Lo, who lands right on Mosh’s leg. Mosh appears to have legitimately hurt his ankle. #4 is Christian, who is greeted by Mosh. Not a whole lot happening thus far. Rikishi is the #5 entrant and he receives a big pop. Rikishi comes in and quickly eliminates Mosh. Then Christian suffers a similar fate. D’Lo gives Rikishi a legdrop, but that is no sold and Rikishi gets up to give him the Rikishi Drop. He easily eliminates him after that. Just as Rikishi starts to go after Sexay, Scotty 2 Hotty comes out at #6. Instead of fighting, the three decide to dance. I find this moronic and stupid, but the crowd eats it up. After busting a move, Rikishi grabs both Sexay and Scotty and tosses both of them out. Well, that almost made up for the dancing. The unfortunate next entrant is Steve Blackman at #7. Blackman gets some brief offense before suffering a Rikishi Drop himself. Just like that, he’s gone too. I think we have our Diesel push right here. The competition gets bigger at #8 with Viscera. The two slug it out and then Viscera drops Rikishi with a belly-to-belly suplex. Rikishi comes back with three stiff kicks and then a shoulderblock to knock him out of the ring. The Bossman comes out at #9 and you just hear this audible groan from the crowd. The Bossman refuses to get into the ring, but Test comes out at #10 and attacks him. He sends him into the ring, where Rikishi beats him up.

#11 is the British Bulldog and he goes after everyone. We’re paired up now as Test and the Bossman duke it out and the Bulldog tries to eliminate Rikishi. At #12 Gangrel comes out, but that doesn’t matter, because right behind him are Kaientai. They try to interfere again, and once again they’re unceremoniously dumped. As Test and Gangrel battle in the corner, Rikishi gives them a butt splash. We see on a double feature that Taka Michinoku took a nasty face first bump when he was tossed out. Edge comes out at #13 and is almost eliminated by the Bulldog within his first 30 seconds in the ring. Then, in a shocker, who shows up at #14? Bob Backlund! Sweet! He gets in and is jumped by the Bossman and the Bulldog. All of a sudden, everyone teams up and dumps Rikishi from the ring. Crowd doesn’t like that one. A big pop for the #15 entrant, Chris Jericho. He makes an immediate impact by dropkicking Backlund out of the ring. Back to the campaign trail for Bob. Here comes one of the Rock’s biggest threats, Crash Holly at #16. The Bulldog and Edge grab Crash and try to eliminate him, but he crawls back in under the bottom rope. Chyna is the #17 entrant and she goes right after Jericho. Jericho backdrops her to the apron, but then she suplexes him out of the ring. As she gloats, the Bossman bumps her off the apron to quickly end her night. As Farooq comes out at #18, the Mean Street Posse, also snubbed from the match, come out and jump him. The Posse are thrown out, but so is Farooq. Not quite sure what’s going on there. #19 is Road Dogg and he goes after Test. The Bossman tosses Crash, but again he crawls back in under the bottom rope. As Al Snow comes in at #20, the Bulldog goes out at the hands of the Road Dogg. Everyone seems to be sluggish right now waiting for the next mass exodus.

Once again an entrance is overshadowed by extra participants. This time, it’s the #21 entrant, Val Venis, who is overshadowed by Funaki, who feebly tries to wreck havoc on the entrants. This gives Jerry Lawler another excuse to show the replay of Taka falling on his face. The #22 entrant is Prince Albert and nobody cares. Meanwhile, Snow and Val backdrop Edge out of the ring. For some reason, Road Dogg has grapevined himself to the bottom rope. Hardcore Holly is #23 and the ring is really starting to fill up now. Once again, Crash teeters on the brink of elimination. Finally, the crowd wakes up as The Rock comes out at #24. He goes right after the Bossman and eliminates him with ease. Sadly, Snow and Val stop The Rock from getting rid of anyone else for the time being. Our #25 entrant is Billy Gunn, who targets The Rock upon his entrance. The Rock DDTs Crash and then launches him out of the ring. This prompts Hardcore to come over and attack The Rock. The Big Show comes out at #26 and is immediately met by The Rock. These two have an issue after Show took offense with The Rock calling him a jabroni (*rolls eyes*). Show goes over by Test, who is on the apron, and boots him to the floor. Well, Test gets the longevity award for tonight. Now Show dumps Gangrel out of the ring. As Show continues his dominance, Bradshaw comes out at #27. Right behind him is the Mean Street Posse. Bradshaw fends them off, but then is tossed out himself by the Outlaws. Now the Acolytes and the Posse brawl down the aisle. We’re paired up again as it’s Val & Albert, Show & Road Dogg, Hardcore & Gunn, and The Rock & Snow. Through hellfire and brimstone, Kane is out at #28. He comes in and immediately throws out Val. Now he goes after Road Dogg, who is still clutching the bottom rope like a security blanket. Kane clotheslines Albert out of the ring, but no one notices because they’re all watching the Godfather come out with the hos at #29. One last time, our favorite Chinese (he’s Japanese!) guy, Funaki, comes out and one last time he’s thrown out of the ring. We close with a wimper rather than a bang as #30 is X-Pac.

We now begin to weed out the crap as Snow clotheslines Hardcore out of the ring. The Godfather charges at Show, but Show clotheslines him right out. Now The Rock eliminates Snow. Road Dogg finally gets up to, of all things, laugh at Snow and wouldn’t you know it, he gets dumped too…by Billy Gunn. Don’t understand that one. However, Gunn barely enjoys the moment before Kane clotheslines him to the floor. Our final four are now: The Rock, Big Show, Kane and X-Pac. The Outlaws drag Kane to the outside and attack him. As the officials try to stop them, The Rock tosses X-Pac out of the ring. Since no one saw that, X-Pac gets back into the ring. Kane and Show try to chokeslam each other to no avail. Kane is able to hit Show with an enziguri and then slam him. However, X-Pac comes over and hits Kane with a spinning heel kick that knocks him out of the ring. Then X-Pac gives the Bronco Buster to Show. Show quickly gets back up and press slams X-Pac to the floor. The Rock delivers a spinebuster to Show and then connects with the People’s Elbow. As The Rock tries to eliminate Show, he puts on the brakes and chokeslams The Rock. Show tries to dump The Rock, but The Rock hangs onto the top rope and propels Show to the floor. The Rock is 2000 Royal Rumble winner.

Postmatch: The Rock gets on the mic and says he’s going to Wrestlemania, but Show comes back out and attacks The Rock. We end the show with him telling The Rock that this isn’t over.

Bottom Line: There were a handful of fun moments here, but overall this is a middle of the road Rumble. Its main problem was a lack of suspense. The only two likely candidates were The Rock and Big Show and since Show was coming off an unsuccessful title run, it was pretty much The Rock’s to win. Since those were the two main candidates, I would have liked if they would have teased out the final minutes between them to add some more drama. Overall, an ok Rumble that was without a moment that has stood the test of time, unless you count Taka’s face splat. *** ¾

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1999

Writer Vince Russo can be credited with a lot of successes during the 'Attitude Era' of professional wrestling, but booking a Royal Rumble match was not one of them. The 1999 match is a display of him at his finest or worst, depending on how you look at it.

1999 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, CA

Austin and Vince McMahon are #1 and #2 respectively and this is the first time they’re officially meeting in a match. The bell rings and Austin immediately attacks Vince and stomps a mudhole in him. Austin teases throwing Vince out, but then opts to keep him in for more abuse. #3 comes out and it’s Golga. As Austin hits the Lou Thesz Press on Vince, Golga attacks him. Austin recovers and dumps Golga out. Vince, meanwhile, crawled under the bottom rope and left ringside. Austin goes and follows him through the crowd. As they leave the arena, Droz comes out at #4 and waits. Austin and Vince go into a women’s restroom and we see the entire Corporation are in there and they attack Austin. Two minutes pass and Edge is the #5 entrant. Both men try to eliminate the other with no success. Sparklers and all, Gillberg is out at #6. “Gillberg” chant begins throughout the arena. Gillberg poses in the ring and is immediately shoved out by Edge. Hilarious! Droz clotheslines Edge, as we see Austin knocked out on the bathroom floor. Edge misses a corner charge and Droz tries to get him out. #7 is Steve Blackman, who goes after Droz. That doesn’t matter though as we cut back to Austin being tended to by paramedics. #8 is Dan Severn, who I forgot was still around by this point. He comes in and jumps Blackman. Again, it doesn’t matter, as we rather show Austin being put into an ambulance. Out at #9 is Tiger Ali Singh and they barely acknowledge his entrance because they rather show Austin. The Blue Meanie is #10 as we have some real A-list talent in the ring right now. Everyone pairs off and it’s Meanie vs. Tiger, Edge vs. Droz, and Blackman vs. Severn. Meanie does his dance for everyone’s amusement.

The buzzer sounds for #11, but no one shows. Soon, we cut to the back and see Mabel, who just returned earlier tonight on Sunday Night HeAT, attack Mosh. Mabel comes out and I guess he’s taken over the #11 spot. Mabel comes in and immediately knocks out Severn and Blackman. Then he clotheslines Tiger out of the ring. Road Dogg comes out at #12 to finally wake up the crowd. Meanwhile, Mabel has eliminated the Meanie and Droz. Edge low blows Mabel and then goes after Road Dogg. Road Dogg ducks a charging Edge and backdrops him out of the ring. As Road Dogg and Mabel go at it, the lights go out and the Undertaker’s music begins. The lights come back on and Mideon and the Acolytes have taken Mabel out of the ring. Taker meets Mabel in the aisle and tells him something before the Ministry takes him away. Oooookay. Road Dogg, meanwhile, is left in the ring, waiting. Finally, we get entrant #13 and it’s Gangrel. It doesn’t take long before Road Dogg tosses him out. Once again, he’s left waiting. Kurrgan comes out at #14 and is able to take control. As Kurrgan works Road Dogg over in the corner, Al Snow enters at #15. Snow and Road Dogg try to eliminate Kurrgan, but soon Road Dogg sees an opportunity and just pushes Snow to the floor. #16 is Goldust and he goes after Road Dogg. Goldust tries for Shattered Dreams on Road Dogg, but Kurrgan stops him. Now Road Dogg tries to do Shattered Dreams on Goldust, but Kurrgan stops him as well. Out to a big pop is The Godfather at #17. As Kurrgan & Road Dogg and Goldust & The Godfather square off, the crowd chants “We want hos”. The buzzer sounds and the lights go out. Kane is the #18 entrant. He comes in and eliminates everyone in the ring. Crowd popping huge for Kane. Soon, a bunch of guys in white coats come out for him. He fends some off and chases after others. Unfortunately, the dummy walked over the top rope to do it and he’s eliminated. And now the fans are waiting for anyone. Ken Shamrock is #19 and he’s forced to wait. However, as he walks down to ringside, we see Mr. McMahon return and he joins the commentary team. Hobbling to ringside is Billy Gunn at #20 Badd Ass tries to press slam Shamrock, but can’t complete the move due to his injured ankle. Shamrock is tossed over, but he holds on.

As Test comes out at #21, we see outside the arena that the Ministry have thrown Mabel into a hearse. As that happens, an ambulance drives up to the arena and it’s being driven by Austin. Austin comes out to ringside as the buzzer sounds for #22, the Bossman. Austin chases Vince into the ring, but Shamrock stops Austin and Vince heads back to the announce table. Shamrock’s attack is fleeting as Austin eliminates him shortly thereafter. The Bossman goes after Austin, while Test and Badd Ass go at it. HHH comes out at #23 and goes right after Test. The Bossman tries to eliminate Austin, but HHH stops him; only to try and eliminate Austin himself. Entrant #24 is Val Venis and when he comes in, he’s greeted with a HHH clothesline. Badd Ass works over Austin in the corner, but Austin quickly recovers and heaves him out of the ring. #25 is X-Pac and he goes after Test. The pairings are now Austin/Val, Bossman/HHH, and X-Pac/Test. It’s Sexual baby. Sexual Chocolate, that is, and he’s #26. The Bossman and Henry work over Austin until miscommunication leads to Henry nailing the Bossman. Jeff Jarrett comes out at #27 and he attacks X-Pac. X-Pac and HHH team up to beat up Jarrett, but then X-Pac delivers a spinning heel kick to HHH. Every man for himself! Now X-Pac gives the Bossman the Bronco Buster. LOL moment of the night, as you can hear HHH say to Val, “If I throw you, can you hang on?” #28 is D’Lo Brown and he’s not alone. He’s accompanied by Jacqueline and Terri Runnels, who’s in a completely see-thru top. Test attacks Austin, but soon the Rattlesnake dumps him over. Now the Bossman heaves X-Pac out of the ring. Jarrett and the Bossman try to get Austin over, but are unsuccessful. Austin hits the Lou Thesz Press on Jarrett and then HHH throws him out. Just as Jarrett exits, his tag partner, Owen Hart enters at #29. Austin leaves the ring momentarily and dumps water on Vince. Making history at #30 is Chyna.

She immediately goes after Henry and within seconds eliminates him. However, Austin comes right behind and clotheslines her out. HHH and Austin go at it while Owen takes on D’Lo and the Bossman and Val square off. Val tries to go after Austin, so HHH throws him out of the ring. That gives Austin enough time to give HHH the Stunner and eliminate him. Four are left in the ring, but five are still able to win. Austin sidesteps a D’Lo dropkick and then works him over in the corner. Owen delivers an enziguri to Austin, but Austin comes back and eliminates him. We’re officially down to the Final Four of Austin, the Bossman, D’Lo and Mr. McMahon. As odd of a Final Four as you’ll ever see. The Bossman uppercuts Austin and D’Lo connects with the frog splash. However, the Bossman comes up behind D’Lo and throws him out. By this time, Austin is back up. He stuns the Bossman and clotheslines him out. Now Austin goes out to Vince and they brawl by the announce table. After fighting through the crowd, Austin brings Vince back to ringside and nails him with a chair. In the ring, Austin stands over Vince when Vince delivers a low blow. However, Austin recovers and hits Vince with a Stunner. Austin hits Vince with an elbow from the second rope. All of a sudden, The Rock comes down to ringside. The Rock gets on the apron and he tussles with Austin. As they fight, Vince comes from behind and dumps Austin out. Mr. McMahon is the winner of the Royal Rumble.

Postmatch: Austin and The Rock fight to the back, while Vince celebrates by downing a couple of cold ones with Shane and the Stooges.

Bottom Line: In case you didn’t figure it out, the operative word for this Rumble was waiting and there was plenty of it. There were just way too many dead spots in a match where there should be none. And speaking of waiting, we would have to wait longer until Austin was officially the #1 contender for Wrestlemania. The finish here was a swerve for the sake of swerves. Completely unnecessary. It’s really hard to have a bad Rumble, but they sure tried their best (or worst) here. * ½

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1998

When Stone Cold Steve Austin won the Rumble in 1997, it was a surprise to many. The same couldn't be said by '98 when Austin-mania was running wild and he was the closest thing to a lock when it comes to Rumble winners.

1998 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the San Jose Arena in San Jose, CA

#1 is Cactus Jack and he’s brought garbage cans with him. Interestingly enough, Cactus’ recent tag team partner Chainsaw Charlie (aka Terry Funk) is #2 and he has his chainsaw with him. We get a hardcore start to the Rumble as they use the weapons they brought plus chairs. Both men take some wicked chair shots to the head. Tom Brandi (the former Salvatore Sincere) is #3, but both guys in the ring gang up on him and eliminate him right away. Arrivederci! Now the hardcore legends go back to beating each other up. After suplexing Chainsaw onto two chairs, Cactus tries to dump him, but pulls him back in as #4, The Rock makes him way to the ring. The Rock briefly is able to divide and conquer until Cactus nails him with the garbage can. Cactus then puts the can on The Rock and he and Chainsaw play pinball with him. After Cactus knocks The Rock through the ropes, he celebrates, only to get a lowblow from Chainsaw. Mosh comes out at #5 and almost gets nailed with a chair that was thrown out of the ring by Chainsaw. We’ve now separated into Cactus/The Rock and Chainsaw/Mosh. Chainsaw goes for a moonsault, but doesn’t quite hit it. #6 is Phinneas and you can hear the energy just leave the crowd upon his entry. Cactus tries to suplex Mosh out of the ring, but can’t get him up. 8-Ball is out next at #7 and you wonder why they just didn’t have him come out one number later. Cactus charges at Chainsaw, but Chainsaw ducks and Cactus eliminates himself. A disappointingly early night for Mick Foley. Or is it?? The Rock comes close to eliminating Chainsaw, but he holds on. Blackjack Bradshaw is #8, as the streak of suck continues. Everyone is just wandering around doing nothing interesting at all. #9 is Owen Hart, who comes out to a big pop. However, before he can get into the ring, Jeff Jarrett and Jim Cornette come out and put a severe beatdown on him. It now appears that Owen won’t compete in the Rumble match. Or will he? Steve Blackman is #10 and he comes in and almost knocks Chainsaw out with his karate kicks. Phinneas is almost eliminated by Blackman, but The Rock makes the save.

Nation member #2 and entrant #11 is D’Lo Brown. Our pairings now are Blackman/The Rock, Phinneas/Mosh, Chainsaw/8-Ball and Bradshaw/D’Lo. Unfortunately, no one is close to being eliminated. Stables apparently mean nothing as The Rock and D’Lo begin to go at it. #12 is Kurrgan, who immediately goes into no-selling mode. Mosh tries mounting Kurrgan in the corner, but Kurrgan dumps him out. Out to a big pop is #13 Marc Mero. Oh sorry, that pop was for Sable. The ring is filled with a lot of worthless talent right now. Kurrgan helps the problem by tossing out Blackman. Ken Shamrock comes out at #14 and goes right after Kurrgan. Soon, everyone joins him and they collectively dump Kurrgan out. The Rock hits the People’s Elbow on Chainsaw with little fanfare. #15 is Thrasher as I continue to wait for someone decent to arrive. The crowd must agree as they resigned themselves to a “Sable” chant. We get our first surprise of the night as Mick Foley is back as Mankind at #16. He goes right after Chainsaw and eliminates him to return the favor from earlier tonight. The Rock and Shamrock resume their fight in one of the corners. #17 is The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust, who’s in a new outfit that now includes bra and panties. Mero takes a breather to do some shadow boxing. Let’s hope it pays off. Goldust and Mankind tangle in the corner and Goldust manages to get him over the top rope and to the floor. Making his second (sort of) appearance tonight is Jeff Jarrett at #18. Owen Hart runs out shortly after Jarrett, gets into the ring, and immediately attacks him. Jarrett manages to throw Owen over, but he skins the cat and then eliminates Jarrett on the other side of the ring. Huge pop for that. Our second surprise comes in the form of the Honky Tonk Man, who is #19. Coming down with him is HHH (on crutches from an injury I don’t recall) and Chyna. The Rock continues to do well as he dumps Shamrock to the floor. Owen spots HHH at ringside and gives him an unkind gesture. This prompts HHH to crack him with his crutch as Chyna yanks him out. Geez, everyone’s picking on Owen tonight. Owen chases HHH to the back and trips at the entrance way. Hope he didn’t injure himself there. Speaking of injuries, it’s Mr. Glass himself, Ahmed Johnson at #20. Ahmed gingerly climbs into the ring as J.R. tries convincing us that he’s back to 100%.

Here comes Mark Henry, who is entrant #21 and Nation member #3. J.R. now begins to sound like Tobias Funke when describing Henry attacking Ahmed by saying he’s “handling the big Johnson”. This ring is getting majorly bloated right now as the crowd is getting restless. Henry throws powder in Ahmed’s face, for some reason, but it doesn’t lead to an elimination. The buzzer sounds and #22 is…is…nobody. Lawler is convinced that someone got to Austin and this was supposed to be his number. Now D’Lo and Henry team up to toss out Ahmed. Then, Henry ducks a punch by Phinneas and heaves him out. Ahmed and Phinneas brawl to the back, much to my bewilderment. #23 is our fourth Nation member, Kama Mustafa. I would say strength in numbers, but these guys have been beating each other up as much as they have their opponents. Sure enough, there goes Kama and D’Lo duking it out. CRASH! Here comes Stone Cold out at #24. Everyone in the ring stops and looks toward the aisle, but Austin enters through the crowd and blindsides Mero. He quickly dispatches of him. Now everyone realizes he’s in the ring and they try ganging up on him. Austin fights out of it and tosses out 8-Ball. Things settle back down, as Austin chokes D’Lo with his vest. Running out at #25 is Henry Godwinn, who goes right for Austin. #26 is evidently all of Los Boricuas. Actually, it’s just Savio, but his three stablemates join him in the ring to attack Austin. Austin manages to fend all of them off. The fifth and final Nation member, Farooq is entrant #27. He comes in and goes right after The Rock. All is not well amongst the black caucus. Now Austin and The Rock are brawling on the floor, however neither is eliminated. Pulling a three-peat, Mick Foley is back out again, this time as Dude Love at #28. He makes an immediate impact by knocking out Bradshaw, who was trying to eliminate Henry Godwinn at the time. As things wind down, Chainz strolls out as #29. D’Lo is whipped into Farooq, who backdrops him out of the ring. We remain in punch and kick mode, despite there only being one entrant left. That entrant comes out and it’s none other than Vader. He first attacks Goldust, but then takes a moment to eliminate Honky. Let the mass exodus begin! Austin dumps Thrasher and Kama in rapid succession. Shortly after that, Austin knocks out Savio, while Goldust clotheslines Vader out of the ring. Dude Love ducks a charging Henry Godwinn, who eliminates himself. Chainz grabs Goldust and heaves him out of the ring. Austin backdrops a charging Chainz to get rid of him. Farooq manages to get Henry over the top rope, but he hangs onto the apron. However, as Henry tries to get back into the ring, Farooq knocks him to the floor. Isn’t it amazing how all those guys held strong for so long and then just like that, they were all eliminated in a matter of seconds.

All joking aside, we’re now left with a Final Four of Farooq, The Rock, Dude Love and Austin. Former tag champs vs. current faction members. Dude takes on Farooq, while Austin and The Rock go at it. Now they switch and Dude hits Sweet Shin Music and a double-arm DDT on The Rock. Austin shows why he is the Texas Rattlesnake by then attacking Dude. Dude comes back, however with the Mandible Claw. Austin breaks it by going low. That allows Farooq to then clothesline Dude out of the ring. Farooq goes after Austin and The Rock decides to let him do all of the work. As Farooq gets close to eliminating Austin, The Rock comes up and dumps Farooq. We’re down to two and they begin to slug it out. Austin tosses The Rock over, but he hangs onto the apron. The Rock comes back in, only to receive a Stunner for his troubles. Austin takes the woozy Nation member and eliminates him for good to win his second Rumble in as many years.

Bottom Line: This Rumble was bookended nicely with a pair of entertaining segments. However, the middle was just dreadful. Way too many guys stayed in well past their welcome and it was tough to make the match compelling. As I said before the match, they only told one story leading up to the match and as a result, it took a lot of drama away from the Rumble. There were a few nice surprises, but a lack of star power really hurt this one. ***

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1997

While he obviously had bigger or more historic moments in his career, it could be argued that Stone Cold Steve Austin's dubious win at this year's Rumble was key in turning him into the superstar that he became.

1997 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Alamodome in San Antonio, TX

Crush has drawn #1 and shockingly Ahmed Johnson is #2. Who would have thought that two men who are at odds with each other would draw the first two numbers? Crush hammers away on Ahmed in the corner, but Ahmed comes right back with a clothesline. Ahmed already appears to be blown up as Crush tries to get him out of the ring. With no countdown or buzzer, “Razor Ramon” comes down at #3. Ahmed meets Razor as soon as he gets in the ring and moments later tosses him out. Ahmed then dumps Crush, but Crush hangs on and brings himself back in. All of a sudden, Ahmed hops over the top rope and eliminates himself. We soon see it was because Farooq came down the aisle. Ahmed chases him to the back and Crush is left alone in the ring. That doesn’t last long as Phinneas Godwinn comes out at #4 (still no countdown). Phinneas immediately tries dumping Crush, but Crush wraps himself around the ropes. As the two slug it out, the glass breaks, which means it’s Stone Cold Steve Austin at #5. Crush holds Phinneas for Austin, but Austin misses and hits Crush instead. Austin then shrugs his shoulders as if to say “Eh, who cares”. Nice! That error, however, allows Phinneas to toss out Crush. As Phinneas celebrates, Austin comes up, stunners him and then harshly heaves him to the floor. Bart Gunn is #6 and tries to gain a quick upper hand on Austin with a Rocker dropper. As Gunn charges at Austin, Austin sidesteps him and clotheslines him out. Austin is making light work of everyone so far, so he does some push-ups while he waits for the next guy. He then hops up into the corner and checks his pretend watch. His wait is finally over as Jake “the Snake” Roberts strolls out at #7. A nice wink back to their King of the Ring final. Jake actually hits the short-arm clothesline, but when he goes for the DDT, Austin backdrops him to the floor. Austin then whips Roberts’ snake bag at him. The PETA people won’t like that, but then again it’s not like Austin refused to feed the snake like Jake did. During Jake’s elimination, the buzzer rang and now we get entrant #8, the British Bulldog, who’s BIZARRE. The Bulldog and Austin have been at odds with each other recently. The Bulldog goes right after Austin and kicks away at him. #9 is Pierroth, who fails to illicit any reaction from the crowd. Pierroth begins to fight with the Bulldog, giving Austin a breather. The Sultan is #10 and he goes after Pierroth when he gets into the ring. Meanwhile, the Bulldog almost gets Austin out.

#11 is Mil Mascaras and these time periods seem to be getting shorter than 90 seconds. Can somebody tell me what the deal is with Mascaras? First, he wears these tights that make him look like he’s wearing a diaper. Then, there’s his legs. Are they detachable? There is such an indentation between where his legs connect to his torso that he looks like an action figure. Maybe he wears a mask all the time to take notice away from the lower half of his body. Anyway, he comes in and goes after the Sultan. HHH is entrant #12 and we do not have one clear-cut babyface in there currently, which is really strange. Everyone pairs as it’s the Bulldog and the Sultan, Mascaras and HHH and Austin and Pierroth. The Bulldog clotheslines the Sultan, and as he staggers to get up, the Bulldog clotheslines him again, but this time it’s to the floor. Austin grabs HHH and tosses him over, but HHH is able to hang on. Pierroth and Mascaras go at it as Owen Hart comes out at #13. Owen and the Bulldog take turns attacking Austin. As the Bulldog tries to eliminate Austin, Owen comes up and dumps the Bulldog out. The Bulldog is furious and Owen pleads innocent. Everything is not well in the land of the tag champs. #14 is Goldust, who is jumped by Austin as soon as he hits the ring. We now have Owen vs. Mascaras, Austin vs. Goldust and HHH vs. Pierroth. #15 is Cibernetico. OK, enough with the AAA guys. We don’t care! Goldust tosses HHH over and again HHH hangs on. Marc Mero comes out at #16 as Pierroth eliminates Cibernetico. Then, Pierroth gets dumped out by Mascaras. Mascaras then stupidly goes up top and jumps into Cibernetico and Pierroth, thus eliminating himself. Well, that took care of the Mexican contingency real quick. Goldust and Mero work together and eliminate HHH thus giving Goldust some retribution for his loss earlier. Just when we think the AAA guys are gone, Latin Lover comes out at #17. Goldust dodges a dropkick by the Latin Lover, but moves right into a clothesline by Owen, which sends him to the floor. Farooq comes in at #18 and makes an immediate impact by backdropping the Latin Lover out of the ring. That’s all Farooq will do because soon after, Ahmed comes out with a big board and chases Farooq out of the ring. Then as the referees try to regain control, Austin dumps both Owen and Mero out, leaving him by himself. In another nice nod to Austin’s past, it is Savio Vega, who comes out at #19. The two brawl until Vega gets the upper hand with a slingshot and spinning heel kick. Austin comes back, however, by hitting Vega with a hot shot and then clotheslining him to the floor. As Austin waves on the next guy, we see it’s Double J Jesse James at #20. He tries his luck, but Austin quickly dispenses of him as well.

Now Austin perches himself in the corner again eagerly anticipating the next entrant. The buzzer sounds and lo and behold it’s Bret Hart, the man he’s currently feuding with. The two go at it and Bret gets the better of the exchange. Bret locks Austin in the Sharpshooter as the buzzer sounds. #22 is none other than Jerry Lawler, who stops mid-sentence, gets up from the announce table and hops into the ring. As soon as he hopped in, Bret comes over and punches him right back out of the ring. Lawler dusts himself off, goes back over to the announce table and finishes his sentence. Classic Rumble moment. Bret continues to dominate Austin as “Diesel” enters at #23. Diesel attacks Bret allowing Austin to rest. Now Austin is able to go back on the attack as he throws Bret chest-first into the corner. Terry Funk is out at #24. He goes after Austin as Bret and Diesel duke it out. As Funk hits a weak piledriver on Bret, Rocky Maivia comes out at #25. Naturally, he goes after Austin because those two are like magnets, only we didn’t know that yet at this point. Mankind strolls out at #26 and just like Rocky naturally went after Austin, he goes after Funk. Some big star-power in the ring right now. Bret locks Austin in a sleeper, but Austin quickly jawjacks him. Flash Funk is your #27 entrant and J.R. quickly notes he’s not related to Terry. Thanks J.R. He comes in and goes up top where he then launches himself onto Diesel and Funk. The buzzer sounds and clearly it’s time for Vader to be #28. Everyone is kinda milling around now, preparing for the end game. #29 is Henry Godwinn and I question why he didn’t come out with the rest of the mid-card during the first half of the Rumble. There are some near eliminations but no one is gone just yet. We now get entrant #30, who is the Undertaker and he’s got a prime spot.

He comes in and goes right after Vader to avenge his loss earlier tonight. Now Taker goes after everyone, including his own brother, err…I mean, Diesel. Flash charges at Vader, who catches him and then tosses him over his head and to the floor. Impressive bump there. Taker whips Henry over, but he manages to hang on. However, a few moments later Taker and Henry tangle again and this time he is able to eliminate him. Bret comes close to eliminating Austin. Rocky comes off the ropes, but Mankind catches him in the Mandible Claw and forces him over the top rope and to the floor. Mankind and Funk begin to brawl and Mankind clotheslines both of them over the top rope, but not to the floor. Before Mankind can recover though, Taker boots him to the floor. Mankind and Funk begin to brawl on the floor. Bret grabs Austin from behind and finally eliminates him. That means your Final Four are: Bret Hart, Diesel, Undertaker and Vader. But wait a second…Austin sneaks back into the ring because the referees did not see him hit the floor as they were all occupied with Mankind and Funk. Austin goes behind Vader and Taker and dumps them both. He then sneaks behind Bret, who had just tossed out Diesel, and eliminates him as well. The bell rings and Austin is declared the winner.

Postmatch: Furious, Bret loses it and beats up the referee. He then goes outside, grabs Vince and begins to yell at him. What a sore loser!

Bottom Line: This Rumble is tough to rate. It started off real slow. Part of the problem was a dead crowd and the other half was nothing interesting going on. However, once Bret hit the ring things really picked up. There was a lot of star power in there, which made it difficult to figure out who was going to win it and then they provided a very creative, yet controversial finish. For me, this is one of my favorite Rumbles as there were some great moments (Austin’s antics, Lawler’s cameo) and a satisfying finish as I loved seeing Bret’s world come crashing down on him. Not the best Rumble, but definitely an improvement over the past couple. *** ¼

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1996

While the winner of the '96 Rumble may seem familiar, it was clear that the early seeds were being sown for a sea change in the WWF as many future stars make this first appearance in this match/

1996 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Selland Arena in Fresno, CA

HHH is #1 after losing, via DQ, to Duke “the Dumpster” Drosse during the first ever Free For All. And at #2 is the surprise of all surprises Henry O’ Godwinn, who is just coming off a feud with HHH. HHH and Godwinn slug it out until Godwinn knocks him down with a clothesline. Godwinn whips HHH to the corner where he flips and flops, but doesn’t fall out. HHH is pressed over Godwinn’s head, but he escapes before getting thrown out. #3 is Mr. Bob Backlund, who comes in and stops Godwinn from eliminating HHH. Everybody takes their shots at each other with no alliances showing. Jerry Lawler is #4 and he grabs Godwinn’s slop bucket. As HHH and Backlund hold Godwinn, Lawler gets ready to slop him. However, Godwinn escapes and grabs his bucket back as the heels flee to the floor. With their backs turned, Godwinn pours the bucket’s contents on all three of them. Order is finally restored and Bob Holly enters at #5. HHH throws Godwinn over, but he hangs on and rolls back in. #6 is Mabel and he goes right after Godwinn. Lawler joins his fellow king against Godwinn while HHH and Holly square off. Jake “the Snake” Roberts slithers out at #7 and immediately releases his snake into the ring. Then Jake grabs Lawler and lays the snake on him, causing Lawler to crawl out of the ring. Still no one has been eliminated as Dory Funk Jr. hobbles down at #8. Jake goes for a DDT on HHH but he blocks it. As no one does anything interesting, we see Lawler is hiding underneath the ring. #9 is Yokozuna and if the ring wasn’t filled enough already, it certainly is now. Yoko makes an immediate impact by eliminating Backlund. Mabel and Yoko go at it and Mabel splashes Yoko in the corner with Godwinn behind both of them. Oomph! At #10 is the Kid who’s looking behind him all the way down to the ring with good reason as Razor soon chases after him. The Usual Bunch of Idiots escort Razor back before he can get to the Kid. While all that happened, Jake dumped Godwinn out.

#11 is Asian sensation, Ohmari who gets Aja Kong’s music, or is it Tenryu and Kitao’s? Perhaps, it’s the Orient Express’ music. I can’t tell. More nothingness happens as #12 Savio Vega comes out. After receiving a spinning heel kick from Savio, Mabel is dumped out by Yoko. Jake and Ohmari spill over the top rope but only Ohmari falls to the floor. #13 is Vader, who is accompanied by Jim Cornette. Vader chooses his first target to be Holly. Good choice. From the apron, Savio backdrops Funk to the floor. The buzzer sounds and we get another “who?” participant. This time it’s Doug Gilbert at #14. Jake DDTs Savio to a nice pop. In the most ludicrous spot of the night, Jake gets hit by Vader in the middle of the ring and then stumbles all the way to the side and over the top rope. Squat Team member #1 comes out at #15 as fans begin to wonder if this is the Royal Rumble or an indy show battle royal. Vader now begins to dominate as he press slams Gilbert to the floor and then launches Squat Team member #1 over the top rope. Yoko and Vader begin to brawl much to Cornette’s dismay. As Squat Team member #1 heads out, the buzzer sounds and out comes Squat Team member #2 as #16. What a co-inky-dink! They both decide to go to the ring only to both be eliminated by Vader and Yoko respectively. #17 is Owen Hart and he also decides to start off by attacking Holly. Vader and Yoko are now working together to beat up Savio. #18 is Shawn Michaels and our Clique count is up to 3. As Shawn attacks HHH, Vader clotheslines Savio out of the ring. Yoko and Vader start going at it again, which allows Shawn to come up from behind and eliminate both of them. Yeah riiight! Then just for kicks, Shawn press slams the Kid to the floor also. Hakushi comes out at #19 as Vader and Yoko continue to brawl on the floor. Vader comes back in the ring and press slams Shawn to the floor. He then clears the ring of everyone, forcing a bunch of referees and interim president Gorilla Monsoon to come out and force Vader to leave the ring. All the people Vader just “eliminated” come back in and out comes #20 Tatanka. What rock did they find him under? HHH knocks Shawn over, but he hangs on. Meanwhile, Hakushi isn’t as lucky as Owen dumps him to the floor.

Jacques Strap, err, I mean Aldo Montoya is out at #21. By the way, why the hell is Bob Holly still in this Rumble? He should have been eliminated with the rest of the riff raff minutes ago. Shawn, now on the floor, grabs Lawler and brings him back into the ring. As Shawn officially eliminates Lawler and Tatanka clotheslines Aldo out, Diesel strolls out at #22. Diesel comes in and immediately eliminates Tatanka. Diesel then actually knocks Shawn down. #23 is Kama, who comes out to zero reaction. Ouch, I mean, even Doug Gilbert got some reaction. We’ve now paired off as it’s Diesel and Kama, HHH and Owen, and Shawn and Holly. A fresh-faced young man that goes by Steve Austin, but is now called The Ringmaster comes out at #24. I wonder if he’ll ever amount to anything. As Mr. Perfect sings Austin’s praises, Austin beats up on Holly. Holly flips Austin over, but he hangs on and sneaks up and eliminates Holly on the other side. Finally! That elimination actually got some cheers, which proves there are still some sane people in California. Barry Horowitz is #25 and still can’t catch a break as he’s immediately grabbed by Diesel upon entry. As everyone seems to be standing around, Diesel wakes everyone up by quickly tossing HHH to the floor. Lasting until #25 was still a very good showing by HHH. Fatu is #26, but somehow I don’t think he’ll “make a difference” in this match. Owen tries to suplex Shawn out, but he blocks it. As #27 Issac Yankem gets in the ring, Owen backdrops Horowitz out of the ring. Owen then goes over and hits Shawn with the enziguri, the move that put Shawn on the shelf last November. As Owen goes to throw Shawn’s limp body out, Diesel comes from behind and tosses Owen to the floor. Marty Janetty is #28 and we’re back to punching and kicking. Shawn and Marty start to brawl which means these two have taken over for Martel and Santana as the ex-tag partners guaranteed to go at it in the Rumble. Kama gets Fatu over but not to the floor. #29 is the British Bulldog, who gets a nice draw for a guy coming off being the #1 contender at last month’s In Your House. Making an impact already, the Bulldog backdrops Janetty to the floor. While the Bulldog and Shawn fight, we see in the background Fatu clothesline Austin out of the ring. Geez, first this and then attempted vehicular homicide. Man, Fatu’s really got it out for this guy. Fatu can’t celebrate for too long as Yankem comes up and clotheslines him out. Thanks to the Free For All match, Duke Drosse is your #30 entrant.

He goes right after Yankem, as the Bulldog and Shawn, neither eliminated, brawl on the floor. Out of nowhere, Owen comes back and helps the Bulldog attack Shawn. Back inside, Shawn is pressed by the Bulldog, but Diesel stops him from tossing Shawn out. Shawn now gets the strength to dropkick Yankem and eliminate him. Diesel and Kama team up and get rid of Duke. That makes our Final Four: Shawn Michaels (naturally), the Bulldog (perfectly acceptable), Diesel (makes sense) and Kama (huh?). The Bulldog dumps Shawn over, but he slips back in and clotheslines the Bulldog to the floor. Meanwhile, Diesel piefaces Kama to the floor, only to turn around and receive Sweet Chin Music, which sends him up and over to the floor.

Postmatch: Diesel teases turning on Shawn, only to offer him a high five.

Bottom Line: A completely blah Rumble as the winner was pretty well known before the event. The crowd wasn’t really into it as there were too many entrants that they weren’t familiar with or had stopped caring about a long time ago. Still there were some interesting stories told here (HHH’s longevity, Vader’s dominance, HBK’s survival against all odds) that helped matters. Plus, there was an interesting look to the future as this marked the first time such people like HHH and HBK or Austin and Rikishi faced off. This wasn’t a bad Rumble, it just wasn’t a very memorable one. **

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1995

More experimenting took place in 1995 as they decided to have the entrants come out every 60 seconds instead of 2 minutes. On one hand when you have a roster as poor as this one is, you can't blame them for trying to get it over with as quickly as possible, but in general this move was a bad idea and never tried again.

1995 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Sun Dome in Tampa, FL

Rumble match has 1-minute intervals this year instead of two. Vince claims that with 1-minute intervals, this will be the most fast-paced and action-filled Rumble ever. In reality, substitute fast-paced and action-filled with lame and crappy. Shawn Michaels is #1. British Bulldog is #2. Nothing wrong with these two starting out. Too bad they only get a minute instead of 2 to go at it alone. Bulldog gets a quick press slam on Shawn, but doesn’t throw him out. Where’s Heenan to call him a dumb limey? Shawn is whipped to the corner where he nearly flips out. #3 is Eli Blu, who would later be known as one of the Harris Brothers. No matter who he is, he sucks big time. Nothing happens before it’s time for #4 who is Duke “the Dumpster” Droese. Shawn goes after Droese, while Blu and the Bulldog tussle. Jimmy Del Ray is #5 and people are coming out way too quick. How can you tell any story here? Del Ray puts Shawn on the brink of elimination. #6 is Seone (the former Barbarian), who goes right after Shawn. The Bulldog clotheslines Del Ray to the floor to make him victim #1 tonight. In a cruel twist of irony, Tom Pritchard enters at #7 as his partner just left. Seone now press slams Shawn, but fails to put him out also. Stupid Samoan! Vince makes a stupid statement saying Duke Droese has the equal intellect of Shawn. And I laugh. Doink and Dink come out at #8 and I’m disappointed that it’s Doink who’s entered and not Dink. More nothingness as #9 KWANG makes his way down. Sidenote: Kwang is the sound of one hand clapping. Ever since Shawn and the Bulldog, we’ve had some real dud talent come out. Everyone battles it out, while Shawn takes a rest. #10 is Rick Martel and I eagerly anticipate Tito Santana to come out at any moment.

Owen Hart is #11, but he gets attacked by Bret before he gets to the ring. Officials send Bret back quickly though. #12 is Timothy Well, who receives a big pop. Oh wait, the pop was because Owen has already been eliminated by the Bulldog. Shawn backdrops Duke out and he lands on a referee. That begins spring-cleaning as Well, Martel, Pritchard and Doink all get tossed. As #13 Luke comes out, Eli Blu and Seone eliminate each other. Shawn makes quick work of Luke (big surprise there) and we’re down to the original two. They don’t do much before #14 Jacob Blu comes out. Blu initially handles both Shawn and the Bulldog, but soon Shawn dumps him as well. Bulldog gets Shawn over but not out. King Kong Bundy waddles out at #15. Shawn foolishly tries to eliminate Bundy instead of helping him dump the Bulldog. #16 is Mo and he is immediately and I do mean immediately eliminated by Bundy. Hands down, there is your big-time loser of the night. Bulldog tries to slam Bundy but that ends badly for Davey Boy. Mabel is #17 and somehow I think he’ll last just a big longer than Mo. Mabel and Bundy pair off for FOX’s new reality show, When Cellulite Collides. As #18 Butch enters, Mabel has already gotten Bundy out. That’s a bit surprising if you ask me. After Shawn eliminates Butch in normal Bushwacker fashion, Mabel and the Bulldog team up to try and get rid of him. Lex Luger comes out at #19 and makes an impact by immediately eliminating Mabel. #20 is the biggest turd known to the world, Mantaur. He goes right after Lex Luger.

More Wrestlecrap follows at #21 with the Portuguese Man O’War, Aldo Montoya. He tries to eliminate Shawn, but somehow I doubt he’ll be the one. Meanwhile, Luger and the Bulldog double-team Mantaur. #22 is Henry O. Godwinn, who attacks everyone upon entering the ring. Shawn is able to take another breather while others pair off. Billy Gunn runs down at #23 and blows up before hitting the ring. Luger cocks his arm ready to punch the Bulldog, until he sees who his target is. C’mon Luger, whatever happened to “every man for himself”? Following his partner’s lead, Bart Gunn comes out at #24. Bob Backlund at #25 enters to a chorus of boos. Bret again comes out and attacks Backlund before he can get into the ring. As Backlund finally makes it into the ring, Luger is right there and clotheslines him out. Meanwhile, Steven Dunn enters at #26. With Backlund eliminated, he and Bret go back at it and brawl to the back. As if this Rumble hasn’t been filled with a bunch of jokes already, I get the biggest laugh with #27 Dick Murdoch. He looks like a poor man’s Dusty Rhodes and moves about as well as him too. #28 is Adam Bomb and this ring is getting really clogged now. With Shawn once again close to elimination, Fatu comes out at #29. Fatu and Billy Gunn slug it out. Luger flushes the toiliet by eliminating Mantaur. Lucky #30 is Crush, who gets in the ring and dumps the Smoking Gunns, who were fighting each other. See Luger, they know it’s every man for himself.

Steven Dunn is tossed by Aldo, which must be really embarrassing. Shawn is so tired he needs the ropes to hold him up. Vince says to Lawler that he doubts two men will ever win the Rumble again, which is his subtle way for admitting that last year’s Rumble booking decision wasn’t the best. Murdoch tries his luck at dumping Shawn, but fails as well. Fatu gets tossed over the rope and Murdoch tries to get him off the apron with a headbutt. What an idiot! The headbutt doesn’t work on Samoans and Murdoch is left with a sore head. Bomb charges at Crush but he backdrops him out. Shawn gets tired of looking at the bright yellow jock strap and eliminates Aldo. Fatu does a 360-degree sell for a Crush clothesline. Then he gets tossed by Crush. After giving Godwinn an airplane spin, Murdoch tries to dump him but his momentum carries him out while Godwinn hangs on. Luger is able to backdrop and eliminate a charging HOG. That means our Final Four is Luger, Crush and the first 2 entrants, Shawn Michaels and the British Bulldog. Shawn and Crush double-team Luger, while the Bulldog takes a breather. Luger climbs on Crush in the corner, but Shawn comes over and knocks him out. Crush and Shawn initially strike a friendship, but Crush double-crosses Shawn. Crush gets Shawn up in a press slam, but Shawn rakes his face and escapes. With Crush temporarily blinded, the Bulldog is able to clothesline him out. It’s now come full circle as the first two, are now the last two. Bulldog gets Shawn in yet another press slam, but only crotches Shawn on the top rope. A fatigued Shawn gets back in the ring only to be clotheslined out and over by the Bulldog. A jubilant Bulldog celebrates in the corner when Shawn comes back in and knocks Bulldog to the floor. The bell rings and the referees say Shawn is the winner. As the replay shows, only one of Shawn’s feet touched the floor. This was an amazing feat of strength, as Shawn was really close to having both feet touch. Cool ending!

Bottom Line: The 1-minute intervals really hurt the Rumble match here. No one was given ample time to do anything in there besides Shawn and the Bulldog. Plus it features a real Who’s Who in Wrestlecrap History lineup of entrants. One of the worst Rumbles, but the ending really prevents it from getting a worse rating. **

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1994

Now that the Rumble match was several years old, the WWF decided to start getting cute with the finish to the match. As you'll see here, it didn't exactly work out as well as they would have liked.

1994 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Providence Civic Center in Providence, RI

#1 is Scott Steiner. #2 is Samu. Oh goodie, tag team wrestlers! Because we all know that they’ve got a real good shot of winning. Vince says that due to time restraints, intervals will be 90 seconds, not 2 minutes. Scott and Samu do nothing of great interest before the countdown to #3 happens. Fans count down to #3 thanks to the CASIO clock. For all your clock and calculator needs, think CASIO. Rick Steiner is #3. Well at least they’re getting rid of the tag teams early on. Steiner Brothers go to work on Samu, natch. Samu goes charging after the Steiners but they sidestep him and Samu gets his head caught in the ropes. OUCH! Scott releasese him and shoves him to the floor. #4 is Kwang. Interesting note… Kwang’s mother was a huge fan of the ‘60s Batman show. Her other sons’ names were Boff! Zapp! and Kapow! As Kwang enters the ring, he mists Rick. Scott and Kwang fight it out while Rick struggles to see. Coming in at #5 is “boooo” Owen Hart. Big time heel heat for him. Owen disposes of Rick pretty quickly and then goes over to help Kwang. Bart Gunn is next at #6. Bart and Owen pair off, as do Scott and Kwang. Strolling out at #7 is Diesel. Diesel decides to go with the “punch everyone once” method upon entering the ring. Soon, he sticks with Bart and then eliminates him shortly thereafter. Before Bart can get to his feet, Diesel has eliminated Scott as well. Owen doesn’t fare any better as he gets tossed too. Kwang goes for a spinning heel kick but misses. As he gets up, Diesel clotheslines him out of the ring. Four guys eliminated by Diesel in under 2 minutes. Fans are eating this up. #8 is Bob Backlund who last year broke the longevity record at the Rumble. Here, Diesel eliminates him in under a minute. A tale of two Rumbles for Backlund. Trying his luck at #9 is Billy Gunn. Billy gets booted and tossed out too. Later cowboy. While Diesel waits for the next entrant, we cut to the back where we see Kabuki and Tenyru attacking Lex Luger. Replacing Kamala at #10 is Virgil. Just like in his love life, Virgil gets dumped quickly here too. Diesel has now notched seven victims and counting.

#11 is Macho Man and I have a feeling he won’t go as quickly. Macho goes to town on Diesel, delivering lefts and rights. A couple of elimination attempts by Macho fail. Diesel receives some help from #12 Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett is able to toss Macho over, but he hangs on to the ropes. Coming back inside, Macho knees Jarrett in the back and then pitches him to the floor. Things don’t get any better for Macho though as Crush, the man he’s been feuding with, comes out at #13. Macho immediately goes after Crush and gets the better of him. Before long though, Crush and Diesel team up to attack Macho. As #14 Doink makes his way to the ring, Crush dumps Macho to the floor. While Diesel and Crush fight, Doink just stands back and laughs. Soon the heels stop their fighting and turn their attention to Doink. At #15 is Bam Bam Bigelow who certainly wants a piece of Doink. Diesel and Crush step aside as Bam Bam grabs Doink and press slams him to the floor. That’s no laughing matter for Doink. Diesel and Crush then try to immediately eliminate Bam Bam but can’t do it. Mabel is #16 and he’s one guy that could actually handle going against three guys. Diesel is waiting for Mabel and goes to work on him as soon as he hits the ring. Man these two could have one heck of a main event someday. Mabel gives each heel an avalanche in separate corners. Vroom Vroom! It’s Sparky Plugg (Bob Holly) replacing the 1-2-3 Kid at #17. Plugg goes after Crush but Bam Bam nails him from behind. #18 is Shawn Michaels. Diesel looks to want to fight Shawn but then shakes his hand. While Shawn and Diesel have their lovefest, Crush and Bam Bam come up and attack Diesel. Soon all the wrestlers gang up and eliminate Diesel. Right at the end, Shawn comes up to join the group. A last minute save attempt or an aid in the elimination? You make the call! Fans give Diesel a nice ovation as he leaves. As well they should. His performance is still remembered to this day. At #19 is Mo who gets less than half the pop Mabel received. Shawn is put on the brink of elimination by Plugg while Men on a Mission take it to Bam Bam.

The buzzer sounds for #20 and it’s Greg “the Hammer” Valentine. I’m surprised he didn’t bring his mask and enter the Rumble as Mr. Ugly. As the ring fills up, nothing exceptional is going on. Coming out for his second match of the night is Tatanka at #21. He goes right after Shawn and pounds away on him. Everyone seems to be milling around waiting for the next evacuation sequence. Kabuki is #22 and I doubt that he will clear a lot of guys out of the ring. The wrestlers gang up, shove Mo out of the way and eliminate Mabel. Lex Luger is running to the ring at #23 so I guess that lockerroom attack wasn’t so bad after all. Luger makes an immediate impact by eliminating his attacker Kabuki. Crush slows down Luger with a reverse atomic drop. #24 is Tenyru and Vince fears that he will team up with Kabuki and Crush to go after Luger. Too bad Luger just eliminated Kabuki not a minute ago. Look like Vince needs a SONY instant replay camera to go with his CASIO countdown clock. Shawn is once again teetering on the verge of elimination but manages to hold on. Buzzzzz! It’s time for #25 but no one pops out. It is assumed that it was supposed to be Bret Hart who couldn’t come out due to his earlier leg injury. Life goes on as perennial Rumble participant Rick Martel comes out as #26. Too bad Tito isn’t there or else they could renew their rivalry again. Now we have ten guys in there who are all punching and kicking and doing nothing to excite the fans. Two friends, Luger and Tatanka, start going at it but the crowd doesn’t seem to care. #27 is Bret Hart, who hobbles out to an awesome ovation from the fans. As he enters, Crush immediately approaches him and goes after his knee. Afa drags Fatu out at #28 and the ring now has twelve guys. This is way too much right now. Luger hoists Crush over the top rope and eventually gets help from Bam Bam, Plugg, and Bret to eliminate him. But just as we lose Crush, we gain Marty Jannetty at #29. A slugfest instantly starts between Jannetty and Shawn, which electrifies the crowd. Adam Bomb then rounds out the field at “lucky” #30.

So with no one left to come out, we still have nearly half the entrants left in the ring (13). Bret and Shawn eliminate Plugg and that’s the only time you’ll ever see those two work together. Vince delivers the sad news that the #25 no-show was Bastion Booger because he ate too much. Sadly, that’s what he said and not some poor attempt on my part to be funny. Still more punching and kicking as I wonder why they bothered cutting the intervals down to 1 ½ minutes if they were going to have them go this long after #30. Finally the exodus begins as extra fluff like Valentine, Martel, Bomb, and Mo get tossed. As Bam Bam gets eliminated by Luger, Shawn disposes of Janetty proving that he was the superior Rocker. Funny spot as Tenyru gives Fatu and Shawn a double noggin knocker; Shawn sells it, Fatu doesn’t it. I love small touches like that. Luger completes his retribution by eliminating Tenyru. That leaves us with a Final Four consisting of Bret, Shawn, Luger and Fatu. All four men take a corner, but soon the heels go after the faces. Pairing off is Shawn/Bret and Luger/Fatu. Shawn and Fatu manage to get Luger on the apron but no further. Fatu does the 360 sell after Luger hits him with the loaded forearm. The faces simultaneously eliminate Fatu and Shawn. Bret and Luger slug it out for a few seconds before going near the ropes and falling out together. A collective “huh?” is said among the crowd. Referee Earl Hebner believes Bret has won while Joey Marella says Luger is the winner. It takes Jack Tunney to come out and decide that both men won. Wow, way to fence ride Jack! It should be noted that when Luger was announced as the winner, it was a mix of cheers and boos. On the other hand, it was an overwhelming ovation for Bret when his name was called. Take a hint Vince!

Bottom Line: The star power was certainly better this year thanks to them making the decision that guys who fought earlier in the night could also be in the Rumble match. On the other hand, they kept way too much unnecessary talent in there for way too long. There is no reason that guys like Martel, Plugg, Valentine, Kabuki, and Tenyru should have been in there for more than five minutes. The ending was a nice new twist. Too bad both winners didn’t elicit the fan response that Vince would have liked to seen. *** ½

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1993

This year marked the first time in the Rumble history that the winner would receive a title match at Wrestlemania, a stipulation that has stuck with the match ever since.

1993 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Arco Arena in Sacremento, CA

Ric Flair is #1 and Heenan doesn’t seem as worried this year. He figures that since he won it at #3 last year, what’s a mere two more spots. I concur. Bob Backlund is #2 and you can hear the snickering throughout the crowd. Or maybe it’s just me. The ironic thing is that sold Backlund as this ‘old timer’ and yet Flair is the same age as him. These two spend the opening minutes proving that while Backlund may have the upper hand, Flair will always have more class. Heenan notes that a Bret Hart/Bob Backlund match would be something. Little did he know that those two would fight for the WWF Title nearly two years later. Papa Shango is #3. He gives Flair a breather and beats up Backlund. Flair says thank you by tossing Shango out when he was trying to eliminate Backlund. Flair then almost eliminates Backlund, but he hangs on to the bottom rope. Ted Dibiase is #4 as his string of lousy draws continues. Dibiase and Flair join up and attack Backlund. Backlund manages to survive another 2 minutes and gets some help from Brian Knobbs who is #5. He goes after both heels. Knobbs gives Dibiase the Pit Stop and to my knowledge that is the only PPV Pit Stop, strangely enough. Virgil is #6 and goes after Dibiase. Does he know how to fight anyone else? Knobbs charges at Dibiase, Dibiase ducks and Knobbs eliminates himself. Making his WWF PPV debut is Jerry “the King” Lawler at #7. Him and Flair go at it in the corner while Backlund and Virgil take it to Dibiase. Lawler unloads a flurry of punches on Flair, prompting Flair to crawl under the bottom rope and take a breather. Max Moon is #8. BWHAHAHA! I can’t believe any self-respecting man would wear a costume like that. It looks like someone vomited cotton candy all over him. Flair dumps Moon over the top rope but Moon skins the cat and comes back in. Everyone is just kinda milling around in there doing nothing of note. Moon gives Lawler a spinning heel kick in the corner. He goes for a second one but this time Lawler dumps him to the floor. #9 is Tenyru and I say whoop di doo. Hey, I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it. Tenyru and Flair get into a chopfest, which ends with a Flair Flop. Mr. Perfect is #10 to inject some interest back into this match. Mr. Perfect goes after Flair, natch, and gets the better of him. Monsoon announces during their brawl that they will fight each other the next night on Monday Night RAW in a Loser Leaves Town match. I’m guessing neither man is winning the Rumble then.

#11 is Skinner but most people don’t care, as they are too busy watching Flair and Perfect. Shortly after Skinner enters, Perfect clotheslines Flair out of the ring. Boy is Heenan irate! Koko is #12 and as he runs down to ringside he pulls up his Hammer pants like he’s Steve Urkel. Now there are a couple of people you want to emulate. Perfect tosses Skinner over the top rope but he hoists himself back in. As he does that, Perfect dropkicks him to the floor. Despite Skinner’s elimination, the jobber to superstar ratio is still way too high right now. Things don’t get better as Samu comes out at #13. Let’s see, anything interesting going on? Well the guy in the fourth row just spilled his beer but other than that, nothing really. Oh god, Berzerker is #14 and I’m praying that the top rope just breaks now immediately eliminating everyone in there. Perfect eliminates Lawler with a back body drop to draw a mild pop from the crowd. Dibiase comes up from behind Perfect and tosses him over. Perfect tries to hang on for dear life but the combination of Dibiase kicking and an already eliminated Lawler tugging on him is too much for him to overcome. Great, now there is no one of interest in there. (No offense, Virg) Undertaker is #15 and there was much rejoicing. Taker enters and it’s bye bye Samu and sayonara Tenyru. While Taker was cleaning house, Berzerker took Backlund through the middle ropes and attacked him with a chair on the outside. Cock-a-doodle-do Terry Taylor is #16. Taylor begins brawling with Koko and Dibiase comes up and eliminates both of them. Looks like the Rooster gets the Bushwacker Butch award for brevity this year. As Dibiase gloats about getting rid of them, Taker chokeslams him and then clotheslines him out of the ring. As the Undertaker deals with the Berzerker, IT waddles to ringside. That “IT” is the near 8 ft. tall Giant Gonzalez (unnamed at this point) led by Harvey Whippleman. As Gonzales enters the ring, Taker eliminates the Berzerker. #17 is Damian Demento but 99% of the audience doesn’t know it as they can’t take their eyes of this Giant. Gonzales finally begins to pummel the Undertaker after a long staredown and knocks him to the floor. So by WWF logic, that means Undertaker is eliminated. Ugh. IRS comes down as #18 but the focus remains on Gonzales and Taker. These new entrants won’t even get into the ring. Finally, the Usual Bunch of Idiots gets rid of Gonzales while Taker is left for dead. (Pardon my pun) This now leaves us with Demento, IRS and Backlund, who was still knocked out from the Berzerker attack. Tatanka is #19 and he helps out Backlund against Demento and IRS. Meanwhile, Paul Bearer comes down to revive and recover the Undertaker.

#20 is Jerry Sags and I see we’ve gone back to filling the ring with crap. Sags goes after IRS while Tatanka and Backlund try to eliminate Demento. Typhoon is #21 and the vomit begins to rise in my throat. Heenan accidentally refers to Typhoon as Tugboat. Now if only Heenan would have referred to Terry Taylor as the Red Rooster, my night would have been made. Afa drags down Fatu at #22. Who in their right mind honestly believes a member of a tag team will EVER win a Rumble? We have 4 people from tag teams in there right now if that says anything. Make that 5 as Earthquake waltzes down at #23. He goes right after Typhoon. (Huh?) Well at least we’re not forced to watch them beat up on separate guys. Typhoon charges at Quake and Quake heaves him to the floor. I have no idea why they had them do that. They never feuded after this to my knowledge. #24 is Carlos Colon, who is referred by Monsoon as a youngster despite the fact that he looks over 40. For those of you who don’t know Colon, you’re not missing anything. Tatanka tosses Demento over the top rope but he hangs on. Colon then back body drops Demento out of the ring for good. Well, I’m glad to see they are letting people who are here for one-time deals eliminate people as oppose to the young up-and-comers who are in the middle of undefeated streaks. El Matador is #25. A charging Fatu gets eliminated by Backlund. He’s been in the Rumble for over 40 minutes and he finally gets his first elimination. Rick Martel is #26 and he goes after Santana. Geez, and I thought the Virgil/Dibiase feud was bad. These two go all the way back to ’88. 1888, that is. Quake ducks as IRS charges prompting IRS to eliminate himself. Santana almost eliminates Backlund but he crawls in under the bottom rope to the delight of the fans. I don’t blame them. Who else do they have to cheer for right now? Yokozuna finally makes his way down at #27 to almost no reaction. Here comes the mass evacuation again…later Tatanka, adios Carlos, so long Earthquake. Owen Hart came out at #28 amidst Yoko’s spring-cleaning. Joining the jobber parade is Repo Man at #29. All of the jobbers wise up and collectively try and dump Yoko but they can’t get it done. And that my friends is why they’ll always remain jobbers. Our final entrant is Macho Man who’s put at this spot so it isn’t so painfully obvious who is going to win here.

With all 30 men now out, we thankfully head to the finish in a hurry. Santana, Sags, Owen and Repo are all evacuated pretty quickly. In Owen’s case, he was evacuated quickly and nastily. He landed poorly on his knee that put him on the shelf for a while, if I recall correctly. That leaves us with a Final Four of Macho Man, Yokozuna, Rick Martel and Bob Backlund. Man, if Dibiase is cursed with early draws, then the reverse is true for Martel who always seems to be there at the end. Yoko is choking out Macho while Martel tries to get rid of Backlund. Backlund perches Martel up in the corner and then punches him to the floor. Backlund gets brave and tries to attack Yoko. After a failed dropkick attempt, Backlund foolishly charges Yoko and gets eliminated by the big sumo. Backlund managed to survive long enough though to break Ric Flair’s record and become the new longevity champion at 1 hour and 3 mins. Although, it was later stated that he was actually only in for 61 minutes. Still an impressive feat. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Macho makes a futile attempt to eliminate Yoko. He actually knocks Yoko down and then tries to cover him. What a moron! Yoko heaves Macho off completely over the top rope to win the #1 contendership at Wrestlemania.

Bottom Line: With a third of the Rumble comprised of tag team wrestlers and over another third made up of jobbers, this was a weak field that left little doubt as to who was going to win it. This Rumble had most guys just punching and walking, which is never exciting. Then when you add in the Giant Gonzales mess, it makes for a bad Rumble. The Backlund story was interesting and Perfect and Flair had their moments but it wasn’t enough to save this dog. * ½

Royal Rumble Rewind: 1992

With the WWF Championship vacant at the time, this year's Rumble gained a level of importance as the winner was going home with the title.

1992 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Knickerbocker Arena in Albany, NY

The backstory for this Rumble is that the title was vacated by Jack Tunney, after he saw the dubious way Hogan won the title from the Undertaker, back at This Tuesday in Texas. Tunney comes out before the match to announce this is for the title and wishes the participants the best of luck. There were numerous boos heard during Tunney’s speech. To think, they could have wasted Vince’s evil owner angle years earlier with Tunney as the evil president. Bulldog is #1. Million Dollar Man is #2. Man, he is still paying for supposedly buying #30 in 1989. Bulldog starts off hot, but soon enough Dibiase takes Bulldog to school. Dibiase dumps Bulldog over but Davey Boy stays on the apron. He comes back in and clotheslines a gloating Dibiase to the floor. No title for Teddy. And now here comes Flair at #3. Bobby does not like this draw at all. Gorilla mentions that no one drawing #1 – 5 have won the Rumble. That’s funny since we’ve now had numbers 1, 2, 3, and 5 all win it. Bulldog manhandles Flair for the next 2 minutes. Jerry Sags is #4. Sags and Flair double-team the Bulldog. Bulldog comes back with a double clothesline. Davey Boy tosses Sags over, but he hangs on. As he brags on the apron, the Bulldog dropkicks him to the floor. Now it’s back to Bulldog and Flair. Haku (subbing for Brian Knobbs) is #5. Haku and Flair start to beat up on the Bulldog but soon Haku turns on the Nature Boy. As the countdown begins, Bulldog casually dumps Haku out. #6 is Shawn Michaels, who receives a not so warm welcome after recently putting Marty Jannetty through the Barber Shop window. Michaels comes in and takes it to Flair. He even gets Sweet Chin Music on him, except not to the same effect it would have later on in his career. The Bulldog clotheslines Shawn over the top but he hangs on. I love how so many people are hanging on as it shows how much they want to win. El Matador is #7 and he goes right after Ric. Flair gets nailed with a Santana flying forearm. #8 is Barbarian. Flair and Barbarian attack the Bulldog, while Shawn and Tito duke it out. Texas Tornado strolls out at #9 and does his usual aimless punching to everyone. Pairing off are Flair and the Tornado, Santana and the Barbarian and the Bulldog and Michaels. Repo Man marks the third-way point at #10. He stalks around the ring for a few seconds before entering. Everyone is making the rounds trying to meet…er…attack each other.

Greg Valentine is #11 and immediately trades chops with Flair. Ring is filling up with some fluff now. However, the bickering between Heenan and Monsoon is easily keeping this entertaining. Shawn is hanging on the apron again. #12 is Nikolai Volkof, who is subbing for Marty Janetty. At this point, if Volkof won the title, he could probably get a loaf of bread and two buttons for it in Mother Russia. Heenan is going crazy again as Valentine has slapped the figure four on Flair. Repo Man just backdropped Nikolai to the floor, so scratch my previous statement. Big Boss Man comes in at #13 and punches away on everyone. Repo Man tosses out Valentine. Who would have guessed Repo would eliminate 2 guys in less than 2 minutes? But before Repo can do anymore damage, Big Boss Man grabs and heaves him to the floor. Out of nowhere, Flair musters enough strength to hoist Bulldog up and out. And just like that, Flair also sends Texas Tornado to the floor. Bye Bye Kerry! Flair is getting his second wind. #14 Hercules comes out as Michaels and Santana eliminate each other. Barbarian tries to eliminate Flair but Hercules comes up and dumps the Barbarian. Boss Man follows that up by clotheslining Hercules out. We’re down to Flair and the Boss Man. It’s all Boss Man until he tries a charge. Flair moves out of the way and the Boss Man ends up launching himself over the rope and to the floor. No one can believe it, as the Nature Boy is left alone in the ring. Flair can barely rest, when #15 is the new Intercontinental champ Roddy Piper. If you recall, Piper and Flair have had issues before this too. Piper dominates Flair; including giving him an airplane spin and sleeper. Jake Roberts is #16 and just sits in the corner to allow Piper and Flair to fight. That doesn’t last long as soon Roberts jumps Piper. What a snake! Flair puts a figure four on Jake and Roddy comes over to stomp on both of them. The buzzer sounds, but it might as well be a groan because it’s Hacksaw. He’s #17. The faces and heels square off now. #18 is IRS, who takes his time heading to the ring. IRS and Duggan brawl, while Flair and Jake try to eliminate Piper. Gorilla announces that it has been 36 minutes for Flair so far. Ol’ Coconut Head Jimmy Snuka is #19. Flair teeters on the brink of elimination a couple of times. The Undertaker strolls out at #20. It should be noted that the Undertaker and Hogan were given “special treatment” because of their involvement with the title match at Tuesday in Texas. This meant they would get to draw between #20 – 30 only. As you can see, Taker didn’t even get that great of a number. Regardless, he walks into the ring and with one shot eliminates Snuka. Man, Taker loves to beat the crap out of Superfly. Taker then begins to choke out Ric. Is that anyway to say thanks to the man who helped you win your first title?

Macho Man is #21 and immediately runs after Jake. Taker catches Macho before he can get to him though. Finally, Savage gets to Roberts and goes to town on him. It doesn’t take long before Macho kneedrops Jake out. Macho then makes a major faux pas by going up to the top rope and jumping out and onto Jake. The announcers try their best to cover it up, but we all know he f*cked up. Right now, the pairs are Macho and Flair, Duggan and Taker, and Piper and IRS. Berzerker husses his way out at #22. Flair tries suplexing Macho Man from the apron, but Savage reverses it and brings Flair back in. Virgil is #23 and sadly no one cares. Nothing of note happens as they are slowly getting ready for the big finish. #24 is Col. Mustafa who Monsoon calls “dangerous”. Oooh, I’m trembling! Monsoon then catches a bout of J.R.itis by calling Ric Flair, Rick Martel. Speaking of Martel, he comes out now at #25. Duggan decides he’s tired, so he mugs for the crowd and tries getting a U.S.A. chant started. The fans don’t want to chant U.S.A., you dolt! They are too interested in watching the real wrestlers actually fight! Hulk Hogan is #26. Of course he got a good number. Hogan gets trapped in a corner by Taker, Berzerker and IRS. Hulk comes firing back and clotheslines both Taker and the Berzerker out of the ring. Fans are going nuts as Heenan is sweating bullets. Hacksaw and Virgil eliminate each other. So long to dead weight. Skinner, chaw and all, comes out at #27. I have to laugh as Martel sells a Piper headscissors, as if someone is using a taser on him. #28 is Sgt. Slaughter. The announcers mention that he’s a former WWF champ as if that actually means he is a candidate to win here. Rick Martel dumps out Skinner. At this point, it is announced that Flair has the new longevity record beating the previous record set the year prior by Martel. Great pop for Sid Justice who is #29. Flair and Hulk duke it out. The Warlord gets lucky #30. One of these guys is getting the strap. Hogan and Flair brawl on the floor but aren’t eliminated. Sid whips Slaughter so hard into the corner that he falls all the way to the floor. Piper eliminates IRS via his own necktie. Hogan and Sid team up to get rid of the Warlord. As Piper and Martel brawl, Sid walks up and pushes both of them out.

Your Final Four are: Hulk Hogan, Sid Justice, Ric Flair and Macho Man. A decent quartet any way you look at it, as all four are still viable candidates to win. Savage is eliminated by Sid and Flair. Hulk knocks Flair onto the apron and tries to kick him off. Sid comes from behind and tosses out Hulk, much to the glee of a number of fans. Hulk, furious over Sid’s actions, grabs Sid’s arm and begins to tug. OUR HERO! Flair gives enough of an assist to eliminate Sid and become the NEW WWF CHAMPION. Wooo! Heenan is beyond jubilant and immediately leaves the booth to congratulate the new champ.

Postmatch, the suits have to come out and prevent Sid and Hulk from going at it. In a sign that things were changing, the crowd was largely behind Sid during their standoff.

Backstage Jack Tunney presents Flair with the WWF title. Flair then delivers an emotional promo and gets his moment in the sun. In the middle of it all, Mean Gene has to reprimand someone for lighting a cigarette. I’m sure Gene was just cranky because his buddy Hogan didn’t win.

Bottom Line: What a truly great Rumble. Not only for Flair’s marathon performance, but also for all the mini angles that were played up throughout the match. (Flair-Piper, Savage-Roberts, Hulk-Sid) This will perhaps be the best Rumble ever. *****