For Your Eyes Only (1981)

Plot: When a British ship is sunk in foreign waters, the world's superpowers begin a feverish race to find its cargo: a nuclear submarine control system. And 007 (Roger Moore) is thrust into one of his most riveting adventures as he rushes to join the search...and prevent global devastation!

Firsts: Film without M, Bond theme singer shown in credit sequence

Gadgets: Burglar protected Lotus, Identograph

Girls Bond slept with: Lisl Von Schlaf, Melina Havelock

Elaborate murder attempts that Bond escapes: Death by remote control helicopter, dragged behind a motorboat

Personal review: To me this is one of the most confusing entries in the Bond cannon. After reaching the height of wackiness with Moonraker, I can understand the producers wanting to try a more grounded approach because there was no way to top an intergallactic fight with laser guns. But if they were going to take a new approach, then they shouldn't have gone halfway with it. As much as I enjoy Roger Moore's Bond, he seemed out of place here.

First off, you have the opening sequence referencing Tracy Bond and showing an appearance by Blofeld; two characters which have never been seen or mentioned since Moore took over. You also have the Russians back to being the primary villains here. After The Spy Who Loved Me, it seemed odd that they would use General Gogol here trying to get the ATAC. In fact that whole scene at the end of the film between Bond and Gogol is really weird. When Bond smashes the ATAC, Gogol acts like it's no big deal and leaves (then why was he so desperate to get it in the first place) and Bond doesn't even attempt to arrest or punish Gogol for his actions. Weird.

Of course, the film's actual villain is Kristatos who may be one of the most forgettable Bond villains in history. You don't learn he's the villain until over an hour into the film and then he only has about one 'evil' scene. This is not a guy bent on world domination and is really nothing more than a glorified courier since he has no intentions of using the ATAC itself.

Then there is an odd collection of Bond girls. Melina is fine in her role. Plus 10 for the producers choosing someone who looks authentically Greek, but -20 for forcing us to look at her mustache for the entire film. There's also the Countess in what has to be one of the more superfluous Bond girl roles ever. Really, Bond gained nothing by sleeping with her that he couldn't have figured out elsewhere. And then there's the one he doesn't sleep with, Bibi. Seeing Bond choose not to sleep with someone is just bizarre. Some say the character is supposed to be underage, but that's never made abundantly clear in the film and the actress portraying Bibi was in her 20s. I have a feeling either Moore or the producers felt it looked odd seeing Moore sleeping with someone that young, which is another reason why I think a new, younger Bond would have been better here. And since Bond doesn't sleep with her, Bibi's presence is really grating. She serves no other purpose to the plot and has a shrill personality.

The action sequence are decent in here, but nothing truly memorable. I also think they could have been better served being shot by a different director. John Glen has an annoying habit of doing jump cuts and loud noises to produce cheap scares (i.e. the parrot screeching when the Havelocks are murdered). I'll also give credit to Sheena Easton as 'For Your Eyes Only' is one of the better Bond themes. Sure, it'll be stuck in your head for days, but it's still a decent theme.

Overall, there's just too much disconnect for this to be rated highly. It seemed as if they were ready for a change, but couldn't quite commit to it. To me, this is Moore's Diamonds are Forever 7/10

Buzz killed

Continuing on in my quest to try and catch all of these summer comedies, I got a chance to see the latest from the Apatow factory; Pineapple Express. You'll forgive me though if my details and review are a little thin as I saw this last Sunday and my memory may be a little fuzzy. The premise for this comedy is about a process server named Dale who enjoy a little herb. While partaking in his favorite activity, he accidently witnesses a murder. The killer (played by Gary Cole) finds out who he is and chases Dale and his pot dealer (James Franco) trying to off them as well.

For a while, this follows along like most stoner comedies. As I watched it, I found some part to be very funny, but I also got the distinct feeling that there was an additional level of humor that I was missing out on by not being a pothead myself. This has been true of Harold and Kumar, Dude Where's My Car, and any other film from this genre. I can accept that and even appreciate it on a certain level. I know that there are a lot of people who don't 'get' the dry, subtle humor of a show like Arrested Development. Comedy certainly isn't universal, so we should accept all forms of humor. It's just that I may not rate those comedies as high as I would others.

Unfortunately for this film, though, it abandons that laid-back comedy styling and morphs into a violent action picture about half-way through. And when I say violent, I mean violent. The final scene becomes a shoot-out between all characters with everyone firing guns at each other with reckless abandon. Now I'm not some prude who can't take violence, but it just seemed unsettling and out-of-place here. It was the equivalent of watching a kids movie and halfway through seeing the kids begin to discuss the latest advancements of astrophysics.

Speaking of kids, young people have a bizarre presence within this film. There's one scene involving Dale and Saul (Franco) selling weed to junior high kids. And there's also a subplot involving Dale dating a high school girl and getting her involved in his mess. Both scenes, in theory, could have been used for laughs, but for the most part, they are played pretty straight, which ends up making them a little bit more unsettling. Dale's relationship with his high school girlfriend is particularly bizarre because there's absolutely no closure to that subplot. It makes you wonder what it's purpose in the film was.

In fact, for a lot of the film I began to wonder why they chose the direction they did with the story. The violence, the high school girlfriend, the nonsequitar scenes, none of it made much sense. The best I could surmise is that all of it seemed self-indulgent. These guys wanted to make the type of movie kids want to make when they are in high school or stoners want to make sitting on their couch eating FunYuns. I'd imagine that in every pothead lies an action hero waiting to burst out, if only they had the energy to do so. And every burnout thinks they can still attract hot young blonds.

On one hand, I can't completely fault them. Guys like Apatow and Seth Rogen have earned enough goodwill that they can be allowed to do something for themselves every once in a while. It's like Jim Carrey doing drama. Sure the movies typically aren't good, but you can't blame a guy for wanting to occassionally dream that he can still be a legitimate actor. Likewise, Seth Rogen is never going to be cast in roles meant for The Rock or Vin Diesel. So he went out and put himself in one. That's fine, it just didn't necessarily make for an enjoyable time at the movies for myself.

The sad thing is that one little fix could have made things a lot better. I think if at the end of the film it would have been revealed that everything we just saw was all in Dale and Saul's minds as a result of being completely baked, I think I could have tolerated it a lot more. And they certainly had a couple of opportunities at the end of the film to do so and didn't. Some may argue that ending the film that way would be a copout, but because everything before it was so over the top and unrealistic, I felt it would have been justified. Who knows, maybe that'll be an alternative ending on the DVD.

The one bright spot in the film is James Franco's performance as pot dealer Saul. He's able to rise above the dark tone of this film and deliver a fun performance. He finds a good balance of portraying a realistic pothead without venturing into stereotypes. I think I would have rather just had 90 minutes of watching him sit on the couch and watch a 227 marathon.

Pineapple Express does contain some decent laughs, particularly in the first half of the film. And if you come in expecting a violent action movie, then perhaps the second half will seem tolerably. But for me, this didn't do much. I just hope Rogen and co. got their jollies out with this film and can go back to producing the high quality comedy that we've come to know and love from them in the near future. Grade: C

Gabon up on the new castaways

So after what seemed like a long time, CBS finally revealed the castaways for the new season (17th!!) of Survivor. The cast photo is above. You can read the castaways bios here and watch some exclusive interviews with the contestants here.

Also, in case you hadn't heard...the season premiere date has been pushed back. Instead of starting on Sept. 18, Survivor will begin on Sept. 25 with a two(!!!) hour season premiere.

Growing Pains

Trying to catch up on the glut of summer comedies I have yet to see, I saw Step Brothers earlier today; the new Will Ferrell that once again has him teamed up with his Talledega Nights co-star, John C. Reilly. As you can surmise by the title, the two comics play step-brothers, who both still live at home with their parents and try to find ways to deal with each other.

The film ends up living and dying by this premise. Seeing Ferrell and Reilly playing the epitome of the man-child produces some truly funny moments. However, it also take the film down a road that it can't seem to navigate. Once it's been established that these two are overgrown versions of unruly children, there's only two basic outcomes. Either they remain these immature boobs or they grow up and mature. Since having them remain childish doesn't lend itself to any sort of natural conflict, the filmmaker naturally opted to have them try to grow in some way. Unfortunately, the film doesn't really pay off that eventual outcome either comedically or from a story perspective.

I began to wonder what point they were trying to make with this movie. Ferrell and Reilly's performance as the brothers is so over the top that it takes it beyond simply looking at the concept of arrested development; a theme which has been covered extensively in recent comedies. These two truly act as if they are children, which their out-of-breath delivery and their overusage of superlatives. It seemed at times if they were almost trying to do some sort of conceptual piece that was making a commentary on the unruly nature of today's children. But I think that would be giving the film too much credit.

The film introduces a lot of potentially interesting side stories, but never really does anything with them except use them for comedic purposes. For example, more could have been done with the parents, played by Mary Steenburgen and Richard Jenkins. It could have explored what it's like for people who are ready to retire, yet are forced to still play the role of parent. Instead, they're there just to yell and look exasperated. There is another blood brother who's used to create some conflict, but it's never done in a very natural way.

Ultimately, it feels as if this film couldn't give the audience enough credit. I would have loved if they would have spent more time developing a story and making us understand these characters instead of trying to take every plot device and somehow turn it into a joke. With the way this film was produces, it made you feel as if these two characters were originally created in an SNL skit and they tried to stretch the concept into a 90 minute film. At times, there are naturally going to be genuinely funny moments, but in terms of narrative, everything is just a mess.

With the speed with which this and Semi-Pro came out this year, it appears that these films were not given the care and time they deserved. Both films had solid premises, but were put together in a slap-dash manner that hurt their overall quality. The time spent making both of these should have been combined to make one really good film. And speaking of low-quality, this film has a cheap, gritty look to it that I wasn't overly crazy about. It did seem to be for stylistic reasons, so I'm not sure why it was made that way.

Does Step Brothers have some high quality laughs? Sure. And I will admit, after not caring for most of John C. Reilly's work, he's enjoyable here and clearly enjoys playing off of Ferrell. However, at the end of the day, I need something more that just cheap laughs from a Will Ferrell film. He's made too many good films for me to accept subpar material. When this is what they offer, I would be just as happy and entertained with watching Anchorman for the 50,000th time. Will, call me when you've made a film that makes me laugh and also has a cohesive story strung throughout. Then we'll be back in business. Grade: C+

Moonraker (1979)

Plot: Agent 007 (Roger Moore) blasts into orbit in this action-packed adventure that takes him to Venice, rio de Janeiro and outer space. When Bond investigates the hijacking of an American space shuttle, he and beautiful CIA agent Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles) are soon locked in a life-or-death struggle against Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale), a power-mad industrialist whose horrific scheme may destroy all human life on Earth!

Firsts: Bond in space!

Gadgets: Wristwatch equipped with lethal darts and explosives, digital safecracker

Girls Bond slept with: Corinne Dufour, Holly Goodhead, and Manuela

Elaborate murder attempts that Bond escapes: Death by centrifuge machine, Death by python, trapped under space shuttle

Personal review: I am so torn on this one. There is a lot of potential here. But it seems that they undercut every potential exciting moment, with cheesy or corny comedy spots. To wit, the opening skydiving scene is really awesome until it ends with a thud, metaphorically and literally as Jaws crashes through the circus tent. Later on, you have a decent chase scene involving Bond's motorized gondola, which is cool, until they decide to have it also have a innertube underneath that allows it to drive on water. The ridiculousness of that scene is capped with a pigeon taking a double take. I'm not kidding.

Of course, the most laughable scenes come at the end with the big showdown in outer space. I'm sure when they were making the film, they felt that this climax would be on par with scenes like the underwater fight in Thunderball. Unfortunately, this had neither the realism nor the sufficient visual effects to make it work. Instead, it comes off looking like a cheap knock-off of Star Wars, which has been a major criticism of the film for years. But while those complaints are valid, it should be noted that it worked as this was the most financially successful Bond film to date.

Speaking of ripping off material, this film was seemingly thrown together so quickly, they decided to pay homage to several clasic films including Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Magnificent Seven, and even From Russia With Love! You can call this film a lot of things, but original isn't one of them.

As for some of the key players, they too are a mixed bag. I think Lois Chiles physically is in the top 5 of hottest Bond babes. She's also got a great name in this film. But from an acting standpoint, she's pretty terrible. Hugo Drax, as the film's primary villain seems to be just like Stromberg from the last film. He's a rich, loner weirdo who wants to start a new population of people. The only difference is that Stromberg wanted to do it under the sea and Drax wants to do it in space. Just like Stromberg, Drax lacks a certain charisma that I look for in a Bond villain. And Jaws makes a rare second appearance and receives complete character assassination. This time he's basically the coyote to Bond's road runner. He also falls in love which is the death knell of any character. Why they decided to bring him back only to treat him in this manner is beyond me. I should also note that this was the final performance of Bernard Lee as M. He passed away before the next film.

One interesting note about this film. In recent years, Bond films have been noted as especially egregious when it comes to product placement. I would like to point out that I believe this film is where that trend truly started. There are a few ridiculous scenes where the advertising for other products is really blatant. Now, these scenes play like they are parodying product placement, but when the film first aired they were intended as legitimate means of advertising.

There's a lot to criticize about this film. However, I'm still giving it a halfway decent score. The primary reason for this is because unlike the previous two Moore outings, this one at least kept me entertained for the entire time. Sure, the entertainment may not be of the kind that a Bond film should have, but it's entertainment nonetheless. I'm certainly glad that not all Bond films are like this, but every once in a while, a more jokey Bond film is ok. 7.5/10

Another year, another new crop of faces

So as I joked on my Facebook page, today marks my 23rd first day of school. And hopefully my last in terms of being a student. As I've remarked before, there's still something about the first day of school that gets me excited. I could barely sleep last night, which wasn't a good thing since I'm teaching an 8:30am course this year.

And while a lot of today is very familiar, there are a couple of new twists on this school year that I'm particularly looking forward to. First, I'm not taking any classes. It's just data collection and dissertation writing. I'm not sure if I'm getting a fair trade off on that. We shall see. The other thing that I'm really excited about is that for the first time, I'll be teaching a class of primarily students that I've already had before. They were a good group of students and it's nice that they valued me enough to want to take me again.

Well I can't blather on for too much longer, it's about time I go manipulate, I mean, mold some young minds.

Heroes alternate ending

In case you were only going to buy Season 2 of Heroes on DVD for the alternate ending to the season, save your money; here it is courtesy of YouTube. Had the writer's strike not happened, this is likely how things would have turned out on the show.

Fall Film Preview

With the major summer movies behind us and Entertainment Weekly's Fall Movie Preview issue coming out this past weekend, I decided to preview the film's I'm most interested in seeing. The links send you to Comingsoon.net for the film's core info and then I add my personal thoughts afterwards.

1. Quantum of Solace (Nov. 7)
Personal thoughts: With the new Harry Potter movie moved back to July '09, this has become the movie to see this fall. There's no chance that I'm not in the theater to see it opening weekend.

2. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Dec. 25)
Personal thoughts: It's got a unique concept, a great director and a solid cast. This is either going to be big come awards season or a spectacular failure.

3. Body of Lies (Oct. 10)
Personal thoughts: Political movies have been the kiss of death lately. But if anybody can bring people into the theaters it's Crowe and DiCaprio. Let's just hope they share more screentime than Crowe and Denzel did in Ridley Scott's last film, American Gangster.

4. Burn After Reading (Sept. 12)
Personal thoughts: There was a time where this would have been dismissed as another kooky Coen brothers movie. But they're hot right now after No Country For Old Men. Plus it's got a stellar cast which gives this a more must-see feel to it.

5. Frost/Nixon (Dec. 5 in limited release)
Personal thoughts: This one seems like a can't miss. This has succeeded on Broadway and with Ron Howard doing the directorial duties, it seems like the perfect combination. It may not be a big box office hit, but it'll likely rack up a bunch of awards next year.

6. Zach and Miri Make a Porno (Oct. 31)
Personal thoughts: Kevin Smith could use a hit, or at least a good movie and this looks like it could be it. Having Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks in the lead roles is a good start.

7. Eagle Eye (Sept. 26)
Personal thoughts: Most know I'm not a big Shia LeBeouf fan. However, in a barren wasteland like September, this looks like it might be a decent thriller. This will be a true test to see if Shia can lead a film that's more directly aimed at adults.

8. Righteous Kill (Sept. 12)
Personal thoughts: It's hard not to get excited about seeing DeNiro and Pacino on the same screen. And unlike Heat, they'll actually spend a significant amount of screentime together. But the fact that this is coming out in mid-September makes me wonder if it'll be anything more than a sub-par crime thriller with a decent cast.

9. The Brothers Bloom (Oct. 24)
Personal thoughts: This looks very similar to Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, which isn't a bad thing. I'm always down with a good con movie as long as the con isn't on the audience. The cast is good, but none of them have been known to carry a film, so it'll be interesting to see if this does any business.

10. The Day The Earth Stood Still (Dec. 12)
Personal thoughts: I first got interested in this film after seeing the original 1950s version for a class last year. Since then, my interest has dwindled as they keep pushing back the release date (never a good sign). The trailer also makes it seem like this will be more of a dreary film with a message than a fun revisit to a B-movie classic. Let's hope they prove me wrong.

11. Bedtime Stories (Dec. 25)
Personal thoughts: Seems to be a film in a similar vein as Jumanji or Night at the Museum. Those can be fun films and it's likely to make decent money. But if it's too gentle or kid-friendly, I may end up skipping it.

12. Role Models (Nov. 14)
Personal thoughts: This is another man-child type comedy that are all the rage right now. It also stars Paul Rudd, Stiffler, and McLovin. All signs point to this being a winner, but the trailer didn't really instill a lot of excitement in me for seeing this. Hopefully it's funnier than the teaser seemed to indicate.

13. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (Oct. 3)
Personal thoughts: My thoughts are pretty similar to Role Models. This teen comedy starring Michael Cera has potential, but the trailer made it seem more sappy than hilarious. So for now, the jury's still out on this one.

14. The Road (Nov. 14)
Personal thoughts: This is a story of an adult and child in a postapocalyptic world, which seems awfully familiar (Children of Men, Babylon A.D., etc.) However, it's based off of a Cormac McCarthy novel (who also wrote No Country for Old Men), which was named by Entertainment Weekly as the best novel of the past 25 years. If this one is as good as No Country we could have another Best Picture contender on our hands.

15. Four Christmases (Nov. 26)
Personal thoughts: We couldn't have a list and not include at least one holiday film on it. This is a romantic comedy starring Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon about a couple who must spend time with each of their separated parents. For me to check it out though, this will need to be more comedy than romance.

WTF?!?

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

Plot: James Bond (Roger Moore) and the beautiful Soviet Agent Anya Amasova (Barbara Bach) team up to investigate missing Allied and Russian atomic submarines, following a deadly trail that leads to billionaire shipping magnate Karl Stromberg (Curt Jurgens). Soon Bond and Anya are the world's only hope as they discover a nightmarish scheme of global nuclear Armageddon!

Firsts: Appearances by Jaws and the Minister of Defense, film not to be based on a Fleming novel, and M's first-name being mentioned (Miles)

Gadgets: Ski-pole gun, portable microfilm camera, amphibious car, and portable jetski.

Girls Bond slept with: 'Log Cabin girl', one of Shiekh Hosein's women (presumed), and Anya Amasova (aka Triple X)

Elaborate murder attempts that Bond escapes: Any encounter with Jaws, trapdoor leading to shark tank, and long-barreled gun underneath the table.

Personal review: The film is so strongly centered behind the Bond/Triple X relationship that your opinions of the film depend on your feelings of their chemistry. Personally, I find Barbara Bach, while beautiful, to be painfully dull here, which sours my feelings of the film. They tried to go with the whole sexual tension vibe that existed in On Her Majesty's Secret Service, but Bach is no Diana Rigg. In fact, I would have prefered if Bond had forgotten about Anya and hooked up with Stromberg's henchwoman, Naomi instead. Now she was hot! But back to Bach, not only does she not work as a good sexual foil for Bond, but she's pretty lousy as a spy as well. No wonder the Russians lost the Cold War.

Because so much of the time is spent on their relationship, the film's main villain, Carl Stromberg is treated like an afterthought. That just adds to the forgettable nature of this creepy villain who's out to create a whole new world under the sea. The fact that Bond merely shoots Stromberg instead of giving him a more elaborate death just cements his status as one of the weaker Bond villains. As an aside, I always laugh when the British secret service first begin to suspect the villain and someone like Q will exclaim, "Stromberg? Why he's one of the richest shipping moguls in the world!" As if being rich would eliminate someone from being considered as a villain. If anything, that would make me more suspicious of the person.

While Stromberg is forgettable, we do get a decent henchman in Jaws. I really wish they would have left him as is here instead of bringing him back, but we'll touch upon that next week. For now, we can just place Jaws alongside guys like Oddjob in the annals of classic Bond henchmen.

One other thing I'll point out is that the soundtrack (created by Marvin Hamlisch) is really annoying in this film. I'm not fond of the opening title and his wocka-wocka version of the Bond theme stinks too. In general, most of the music is too loud and overbearing in this film. Then again, maybe I just noticed it more because of my boredom with the main romance.

I will say that the action does pick up nicely near the end. The shootout in the Liparus is some top-notch action. And while it may seem hokey now, I can still appreciate the amphibious car for its creativity. These scenes make this feels more like a Bond film than The Man With the Golden Gun, but there still not enough to rise this one from mediocrity. 7/10

Sensory Overroad

Last night was the final night for Speed Racer at the budget theater, so I decided to check it out before it drove off into DVD land. After it's disastrous run at the box office, I felt charitable and decided to give it my business. Now that I've seen it, I can say that while it's not great, I'm not quite sure why it was such a bomb. If I had to pinpoint a reason, I would say that the Wachowski brothers just couldn't determine what type of audience they were aiming for.

It's certainly not for a lack of effort as this film is visually overwhelming. Using a candy-colored pallette, these two create a film that, just like The Matrix, provides things that you just haven't seen before in filmmaking. This odd blending of CGI and real life result in a film that is truly the closest thing to a real life cartoon that I have ever seen. By no means is it meant to look realistic; rather they transform you into this fantasy world where everything apparently revolves around racing.

And it is during those races where the visuals really pop. I've certainly seen my fair share of car racing in films (Cars, Talladega Nights, Days of Thunder) but nothing has felt more exhilirating to me than the competitions in this movie. Maybe it's because the cars were doing things that real ones couldn't. Maybe it's because everything was moving so fast you really couldn't tell who was winning. I'm not sure, but I found myself getting more and more into the races as the film went on.

Unfortunately, there is a lot to slog through before we get to any significant race. This is where the flaws of the movie begin to shine. In a film that is visually established as being a kid-friendly affair, they opt to weigh the story down with a lot of heavy-handed plot themes. Issues such as corporate greed, racing corruption, and being motivated by art vs. business are introduced in the film, yet seem out of place. For kids, all you need to do is make one person smile and one person scowl and they'll know who to root for in the race. And older viewers who could appreciate the more adult concepts won't here because they aren't handled very well. The film clocks in at about 2 hours and 15 minutes, but would have been better served with about a 100 minute time frame.

Continuing the confused nature of the film's intended audience is the equally prevalent kid-friendly moments. There are too many moments in the film intended for a very young audience that just bring the action to a halt. Typically these scenes involve Speed Racer's younger brother Sprittle and his chimp Chim Chim. Watching these moments, I just kept wondering to myself if the Wachowski's were trying to please everybody and failing or if they just had no clue who to aim this film for. But then just as my frustration would grow, another race would occur and I would forget all about those flaws.

From a casting standpoint, the film works really well. Most of the actors strongly resemble in looks and mannerisms their cartoon counterpoints. Emile Hirsch is boyish enough to handle Speed and Christina Ricci is a nice counterpoint as Speed's girlfriend, Trixie. John Goodman and Susan Sarandon also are perfect choices as Speed's parents. However, from an acting standpoint, things are a bit more of a mixed bag. Goodman and Sarandon work well with the material they've been given, but I was looking for a little bit more from Hirsch and Ricci. Both come off a bit wooden. They're about the only thing you could refer to as bland in a film like this.

Like the tracks that Speed drives on, my opinions on this film took a lot of twists and turns. Seeing how poorly it did at the box office, I came in expecting the worst. Then as the film went on, I kept running hot and cold with it. If they had just kept the story more simple, this would have been an easy success. But by introducing those more complicated and serious story points, it ruined a lot of the movie for me. How can they expect us to buy the fact that having Speed win the big race (ooops, spoiler alert) that all of these big problems they've introduced (like corruption in the racing industry) will suddenly vanish. It just doesn't work that way.

Since it's unlikely that anyone will still catch this at a movie theater, my recommendation would be to check this out only if you have a decent home theater system. The visual 'wow' of this movie is enough to make this an enjoyable rental. If however, you can't appreciate the stylistic mastery of the Wachowski's then all you'll be left with is a very uneven story that you'll likely get bored with about halfway through. Hopefully my recommendation won't steer you in the wrong direction. And with that terrible driving pun, I think it's time to end this review. Grade: B-

Are you man enough for the Centathlon?

Harry Potter shocker

From Comingsoon.net:

Warner Bros. Pictures announced today that Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince has been pushed back from November 21, 2008 to July 17, 2009.

The studio's Alan Horn said, "Like every other studio, we are still feeling the repercussions of the writers strike, which impacted the readiness of scripts for other films-changing the competitive landscape for 2009 and offering new windows of opportunity that we wanted to take advantage of. We agreed the best strategy was to move 'Half-Blood Prince' to July, where it perfectly fills the gap for a major tent pole release for mid-summer."

Warner Bros. said it still plans to release the two-part adaptation of the final book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows," as planned, with Part I coming November 19, 2010 and Part II in May of 2011.

Universal Pictures' Land of the Lost is also scheduled for a July 17, 2009 release date. We'll have to see if the studio will keep the date now that it's facing the juggernaut franchise.

To take advantage of the move by "Harry Potter," Walt Disney Pictures has moved up its animated adventure Bolt five days to November 21.

In other release news, Columbia Pictures has moved the Will Smith drama Seven Pounds one week to December 19 and Fox Atomic has put romantic comedy I Love You Beth Cooper on the crowded weekend of March 27, 2009.

This is really disappointing news as I was really looking forward to the one-two punch of the new Potter and James Bond films in November. Now an already thin looking slate for fall has gotten even skimpier. Apparently not even magic could withstand the effects of the writers' strike.

Don't tell Haziz to 'f*ck off'

From TV Guide.com:

The 40-Year-Old Virgin actor Shelley Malil has been charged with attempted murder in a stabbing attack on a woman he had been dating, prosecutors told TVGuide.com.

Malil, 43, was arrested Monday after traveling by train from Los Angeles to Oceanside, where he was planning to meet with his attorney to turn himself in, San Diego County Sheriff’s Lt. Phil Brust told TVGuide.com. The victim and Malil had recently “had a dating relationship that had ended," Brust said.

Malil could face up to life in prison if convicted, District Attorney's spokesman Paul Levikow said.

The woman’s neighbors in San Marcos, a San Diego suburb, called authorities Sunday night because they heard screaming and breaking glass. They arrived to find the woman with stab wounds and severe lacerations to her face. The suspect fled before deputies arrived.

Malil appeared in The 40-Year-Old Virgin as Haziz, one of the Indian-American electronics store employees who work with the lonely, awkward Andy Stitzer (Steve Carell). He has also appeared in the movies El Cortez, Holes, and The Second Civil War.

The name of Malil’s attorney wasn’t immediately available. The actor was being held on $2 million bail Wednesday.

Then, 'Just Say No'; Now, just laugh

So I stumbled upon this pretty cool site which has created the list of the 10 Greatest Anti-Drug Cartoons. Of course, all of these come from the 80s during the height of the war on drugs. The list not only includes descriptions of the episodes, but also videos from the episodes as well. Not surprisingly, most of the entries are pretty hilarious; both for general cheezy nature of these 80s cartoons and for their blatant sermonizing on the evils of drugs.

I will say, however, that I was glad to see the C.O.P.S. episode on that list. For whatever reason, that episode had a lasting impression on me after I saw it as a kid. That episode was legitimately creepy with the drug dealer who looked like the Cryptkeeper from Tales From the Crypt and the fact that there could potentially be drugs that could be absorbed through the skin. I grew up worrying I would someday accidentally falls on drugs like that and overdose. So maybe these cartoons were more affective than they appear.

Anyways, if you want a good flashback to the 80s and also learn some valuable lessons, click the link below.

The 10 Greatest Anti-Drug Cartoons

TV odds and ends

I have a handful of interesting TV tidbits that probably aren't worthy of a blog posts on their own, so I'll just put them all here.

First up, is some interesting casting news for the upcoming season of Heroes. For the spoiler-phobes, I won't (yet) say who is coming on board, but if it happens it could be verrrry interesting. If you're curious about who it is, check out the scoop here.

Next is some wacky hijinx from The Office gang. It appears that Rainn Wilson has hijacked Jenna Fischer's MySpace page in an attempt to help promote his upcoming film, The Rocker. To see what he had to say, go here.

Finally, even though it's return is still five months away, I do have a little bit of Lost news. Entertainment Weekly's Jeff Jensen is reporting that the title for the Season 5 premiere will be 'Because You Left'. Go ahead and begin speculating to the meaning behind that. Also, there was another bizarre Dharma video starring Dr. Marvin Candle that was aired a couple of weeks ago at Comic-Con. If you haven't seen it, have a look at it down below. As usual, it's chock full of little clues and hints at what we can speculate may happen next season.

Now I have Olympic fever

I'll admit to being a little apathetic toward the summer games; that is, until I saw this. Now I'm ready. Go USA! By the way, IOC get on this and make Slapface an event for the games in 2012.

The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)

Plot: James Bond (Roger Moore) may have met his match in Francisco Scaramanga (Christopher Lee), a world-renowed assassin whose weapon of choice is a disinctive gold pistol. When Scaramanga seizes the priceless Solex Agitator energy converter, Agent 007 must recover the device and confront the trained killer in a heart-stopping duel to the death!

Firsts: None that I could tell

Gadgets: None that I could tell

Girls Bond slept with: Andrea Anders, Mary Goodnight

Elaborate murder attempt that Bond escapes: Duel in a funhouse.

Personal review: As you can tell by the data above, this one didn't have a whole lot going for it. This is, in my opinion, one of the dullest films in the franchise. There's just nothing here that's memorable or noteworthy. Anything that has the potential to be interesting is undercut in some way. For instance, Nick Nack (Herve Villechaize) could have been a neat henchman but he ends up being creepy and somewhat of an Oddjob knockoff. You have Goodnight as a female agent actually helping James, but she ends up being played as a comedic foil rather than a legitimate ally. Then you have the 360 barrel roll stunt that loses all of it's coolness with the unnecessary cartoon sound effect.

Scaramanga is a decent villain on paper, but I felt Christopher Lee underplayed him. He never comes off as either evil or crazy. Rather he just seems like a guy with a lot of time and money on his hands.

The one thing that really annoyed me about this film was the number of coincidence that occured. You have Bond finding a woman who has kept a bullet for years that he happens to need. You have the Hong Kong agent driving by at the exact moment Bond escapes Hai Fat's school. You have M somehow knowing the number to the phone on Scaramanga's junk. You have J.W. Pepper (in an unnecessary cameo) vacationing in the same spot that Bond is at. And these are just the ones that I remember off the top of my head. I can tolerate a lot of plot shortcuts in Hollywood films, but there were just too many here.

The Man With The Golden Gun isn't as offensively bad as say Diamonds as Forever, it just fails to live up to the quality we expect in a Bond film. This is just a compilation of rehashed old ideas along with uninteresting new ones. I suppose the solar energy subplot was more riviting at the time this was released but that did nothing for me either. Thus far, Roger Moore is batting .500. 6/10

Celebritard pwnage

Thanks to the Soup, I've discovered a couple of awesome clips this week that put the beat down on some of young Hollywood's insufferable starlets.

First up is a clip of CNN's Anderson Cooper guest hosting on Live with Regis and Kelly. He does a rant on E!'s terrible 'reality' show, Living Lohan. The clip of his diatribe is below and begins at the 0:47 mark.


Then there is this video of an interview with America Ferrera and Blake Lively who are plugging The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Now if you're unfamiliar with these two (and God bless you if you are), America is also the star of Ugly Betty, while Blake is on Gossip Girl. Anways, the interviewer asks Blake about Gossip Girl and it appears someone is jealous of the other's popular show. America's reaction as Blake incessantly yaps about her worthless show is priceless. I will never watch an episode of Ugly Betty in my lifetime, but seeing this made America Ferrera go up a couple of points in my book.

Until I can find a better version of the clip, you'll just have to click here. The part that I'm talking about occurs about 2/3rds of the way into the clip.

MYTH: There's nothing good on TV during the summer

I'll admit that for some time television has been pretty much a barren wasteland with only The Mole and old AWA Wrestling on ESPN classic keeping me moderately entertaining.

But that changed this week as Mythbusters returned. Yay! Well, actually, they were back last week with their Shark Week special, but I found that to be a somewhat bloated, uninteresting show. However, their first episode back this week was a doozy. Two excellent myths that were both interesting and entertaining. Adam and Jamie were testing whether or not using explosives was the best way to tenderize meat. Typically when they do myths aimed simply at blowing stuff up I roll my eyes because then tend to be repetitive (myth turns out false, so let's just end the show with a huge explosion to appease simple-mided folks). However, with this one it wasn't all about the big bang. They came up with a variety of cool ways to tenderize the meat and they actually tried making it scientific as possible.

As for the build team, they were out to figure out whether or not being stressed out causes you to use more fuel when you drive. I was highly suspicious at the onset of this myth as to how they would truly be able to test this, but they ended proving me wrong. Not only did they have a decent method for testing the amount of gas used, but they went crazy with the means to stress out Tori and Grant. That was some truly cringe-worthy TV in a good way. It seemed everyone had a lot of fun with both myths and it was great to have this show back.

There was also a new show that debut this week trying to capitalize on the Mythbusters popularity. Food Detectives premiered on the Food Network this week with former Iron Chef America judge Ted Allen testing out various food myths. This week's episode explored such things like if double dipping actually is unsanitary, is ginger a good cure for naseau, and the best way to cut an onion without crying. I love when they do food myths on Mythbusters, but they typically opt for ones with explosions, so this show could fill that void nicely. However, while the myths were good, the show's presentation was a bit too campy and corny for me. We'll see whether or not this improves with future episodes. Still, when there aren't a lot of choices, I'll gladly take this over most of what's out there. If you want to check it out for yourself, Food Detectives airs on Tuesdays at 9pm on the Food Network.

Fun with puppets!!

If you got a case of the Mondays, here's a couple of videos to lift your spirits.

First up, is a video of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog invading Comic-Con last week.


Then, we've got a video of some clips from Sesame Street. I had no idea things had gotten so crude over there lately.

http://view.break.com/540810 - Watch more free videos

Still batty for Dark Knight

So this is going to be an all-encompassing Dark Knight post...

First, I saw the film again last Saturday and I can say that I enjoyed just as much if not more the second time around. On top of a great story and excellent performances, there are so many little nuances buried in the film and it was fun being able to pick up on them more this time around. If you have not seen it yet, please do yourself a favor and go see it. It clearly could use some help at the box office. I keed, I keed.

Speaking of it's performance at the box office though, it managed yet another #1 victory this weekend, edging out the third Mummy movie. It's cume now stands at $393 mil and it should pass the 400 mark by Tuesday. It currently stands at #8 on the all-time box office grosses list (non-adjusted). At this point though, it seems highly unlikely it will pass by Titanic to reach number one. As well as it's doing, it would need to keep on chugging for a few more months to have any hope of passing it. The numbers don't seem to indicate that'll happen, but you never know. I know there are a lot of people out there rooting for it to take the crown. However, I think we'll all have to settle for it making it to #2 and hopefully the second film ever to make at least $500 mil.

Finally, while those at Warner Bros. continue to celebrate the film's financial success, things have not been as cheerful for the film's cast. Of course, the sudden death of Heath Ledger still hangs with us. Then last week came reports of Christian Bale assualting his mother and sister. Now today we learn that Morgan Freeman was taken to a hospital after being in a serious car accident. Now I don't necessarily believe in curses, but this has been an unfortunate string of incidents. All I have to say is Michael Caine, beware!

Quiz time!

OK, everyone, time to put on your thinking caps. Today's question is, which was the more embarassing incident in minor league baseball this week?

Was it, choice A, the fight between the Dayton Dragon and the Peoria Chiefs that caused the game to be delayed over an hour and one player to be arrested?


Or was it choice B, the Madison Mallards giving actor Gary Coleman (yes that Gary Coleman) a 'contract' and letting him play only to turn it into a unfunny comedy bit.


I didn't think it was possible but incidents like these actually make Major League Baseball look classy.

Bond Countdown: Live and Let Die (1973)

Plot: With charm, wit and deadly assurance, Roger Moore steps in as the suave, sophisticated - and lethal - Agent 007 in a 'thrilling, high-powered' (Time) showdown with an infamous drug lord who's determined to eliminate Bond and conquer the world!

Firsts: Roger Moore as Bond, seeing Bond's home, African-American Bond girl, African-American villain

Gadgets: Magnetic watch with saw, compressed air bullet

Girls Bond slept with: Miss Caruso, Rosie Carver, Solitaire

Elaborate murder attempts that Bond escapes: Death by snake, left in an aligator pit, and lowered into a tank with sharks via a slow-moving dipping mechanism.

Personal review: Similar to Diamonds Are Forever is truly rooted in the 70s. But that's where the similarities end. This a much more entertaining and enjoyable film than Connery's last outing. Moore is not without his flaws in his portrayal of Bond, but I always enjoyed the more comedic approach he took to the role.

Yapphat Katto is decent as villainous Kanaga, but I wish the character and his evil plan would have been developed a bit more. I felt they wasted an interesting angle with him also being Mr. Big by revealing that too early. But where Kanaga's development might have been lacking, they make up for it by surrounding him with a whole host of cool henchmen (Tee Hee, Whisper, Baron Samedi). I certainly appreciated seeing such a diverse cast, but I am a bit surprised that they would choose to make Moore's first Bond film so Afro-centric. It seems like it would turn away a certain portion of the audience at a time when you're trying to get as many people as you can to accept a new Bond. One last note about the African-American cast, I thought it was an odd bit of continuity to have 'Quarrel Jr.' show up here.

I would be remiss, of course, if I didn't mention Jane Seymour as Solitaire because she is hot, hot, HAWT in this movie. Her acting leave a little to be desired, but that isn't a necessity when it comes to Bond girls. I also have to commend Paul McCartney for creating an awesome Bond theme that people still remember today. As for some negatives, I felt the motorboat chase scene near the end went on a bit too long. I also don't care for the J.W. Pepper character and was annoyed to see him return again in another film. Overall, this falls into the trap of many other Bond movies (too action-oriented, stupid criminals, etc.), but it is entertaining enough. For Moore's first outing, this is a solid effort and one I can easily watch over and over again. 8/10

The Office webisodes: Episode 4

Screw summer reality TV, the best reality show is about ready for another run.

I don't give enough love to the best reality show out there, The Amazing Race(sorry, Survivor) so I figured I would change that and share with you some deets on the upcoming season from EW.com

With the season 13 debut of CBS’ The Amazing Race looming just around the corner (okay, Sept. 28), exec producer Bertram Van Munster slipped us a few clues about the upcoming globetrot.

• The race takes 23 days, covers nearly 40,000 miles, spans five continents, and features some far-flung locales never before seen on the show, including Angkor Wat, Cambodia and La Paz, Bolivia.

• The youngest team is a tandem of two guys in their early 20s. “They’re made for television,” Van Munster says. “They’re supersmart — and they make terrible mistakes.” A pair of recent divorcees in their late 20s also vie for the million-dollar prize. “They were left with some financial debt, so they really have a motive to run around the world,” he says. And once again, expect a serving of granola — this time with a husband-wife squad of 60-something Oregon hippies. “They’re the real thing,” says Van Munster. “They come right out of the '60s. To a lot of people, it looks almost like they’re from a different planet.”


• As for the challenges, “We’ve really outdone ourselves in the department of outrageousness,” Van Munster declares. “We have a situation in Bolivia where we have the [contestants] go down a cobblestone hill on very, very primitive bikes, and it’s just the most hilarious thing you’ve ever seen in your life. It’s a truly bone-jarring experience.” (Another must-see detour: A by-train-or-by-bus scavenger hunt in Moscow. )

• One familiar thing actually did happen on this race: The producers didn’t predict the winner. Says Van Munster, “We’ve been wrong every time, across the board.”