Royal Rumble Rewind: 1999

Writer Vince Russo can be credited with a lot of successes during the 'Attitude Era' of professional wrestling, but booking a Royal Rumble match was not one of them. The 1999 match is a display of him at his finest or worst, depending on how you look at it.

1999 Royal Rumble

Emanating from the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, CA

Austin and Vince McMahon are #1 and #2 respectively and this is the first time they’re officially meeting in a match. The bell rings and Austin immediately attacks Vince and stomps a mudhole in him. Austin teases throwing Vince out, but then opts to keep him in for more abuse. #3 comes out and it’s Golga. As Austin hits the Lou Thesz Press on Vince, Golga attacks him. Austin recovers and dumps Golga out. Vince, meanwhile, crawled under the bottom rope and left ringside. Austin goes and follows him through the crowd. As they leave the arena, Droz comes out at #4 and waits. Austin and Vince go into a women’s restroom and we see the entire Corporation are in there and they attack Austin. Two minutes pass and Edge is the #5 entrant. Both men try to eliminate the other with no success. Sparklers and all, Gillberg is out at #6. “Gillberg” chant begins throughout the arena. Gillberg poses in the ring and is immediately shoved out by Edge. Hilarious! Droz clotheslines Edge, as we see Austin knocked out on the bathroom floor. Edge misses a corner charge and Droz tries to get him out. #7 is Steve Blackman, who goes after Droz. That doesn’t matter though as we cut back to Austin being tended to by paramedics. #8 is Dan Severn, who I forgot was still around by this point. He comes in and jumps Blackman. Again, it doesn’t matter, as we rather show Austin being put into an ambulance. Out at #9 is Tiger Ali Singh and they barely acknowledge his entrance because they rather show Austin. The Blue Meanie is #10 as we have some real A-list talent in the ring right now. Everyone pairs off and it’s Meanie vs. Tiger, Edge vs. Droz, and Blackman vs. Severn. Meanie does his dance for everyone’s amusement.

The buzzer sounds for #11, but no one shows. Soon, we cut to the back and see Mabel, who just returned earlier tonight on Sunday Night HeAT, attack Mosh. Mabel comes out and I guess he’s taken over the #11 spot. Mabel comes in and immediately knocks out Severn and Blackman. Then he clotheslines Tiger out of the ring. Road Dogg comes out at #12 to finally wake up the crowd. Meanwhile, Mabel has eliminated the Meanie and Droz. Edge low blows Mabel and then goes after Road Dogg. Road Dogg ducks a charging Edge and backdrops him out of the ring. As Road Dogg and Mabel go at it, the lights go out and the Undertaker’s music begins. The lights come back on and Mideon and the Acolytes have taken Mabel out of the ring. Taker meets Mabel in the aisle and tells him something before the Ministry takes him away. Oooookay. Road Dogg, meanwhile, is left in the ring, waiting. Finally, we get entrant #13 and it’s Gangrel. It doesn’t take long before Road Dogg tosses him out. Once again, he’s left waiting. Kurrgan comes out at #14 and is able to take control. As Kurrgan works Road Dogg over in the corner, Al Snow enters at #15. Snow and Road Dogg try to eliminate Kurrgan, but soon Road Dogg sees an opportunity and just pushes Snow to the floor. #16 is Goldust and he goes after Road Dogg. Goldust tries for Shattered Dreams on Road Dogg, but Kurrgan stops him. Now Road Dogg tries to do Shattered Dreams on Goldust, but Kurrgan stops him as well. Out to a big pop is The Godfather at #17. As Kurrgan & Road Dogg and Goldust & The Godfather square off, the crowd chants “We want hos”. The buzzer sounds and the lights go out. Kane is the #18 entrant. He comes in and eliminates everyone in the ring. Crowd popping huge for Kane. Soon, a bunch of guys in white coats come out for him. He fends some off and chases after others. Unfortunately, the dummy walked over the top rope to do it and he’s eliminated. And now the fans are waiting for anyone. Ken Shamrock is #19 and he’s forced to wait. However, as he walks down to ringside, we see Mr. McMahon return and he joins the commentary team. Hobbling to ringside is Billy Gunn at #20 Badd Ass tries to press slam Shamrock, but can’t complete the move due to his injured ankle. Shamrock is tossed over, but he holds on.

As Test comes out at #21, we see outside the arena that the Ministry have thrown Mabel into a hearse. As that happens, an ambulance drives up to the arena and it’s being driven by Austin. Austin comes out to ringside as the buzzer sounds for #22, the Bossman. Austin chases Vince into the ring, but Shamrock stops Austin and Vince heads back to the announce table. Shamrock’s attack is fleeting as Austin eliminates him shortly thereafter. The Bossman goes after Austin, while Test and Badd Ass go at it. HHH comes out at #23 and goes right after Test. The Bossman tries to eliminate Austin, but HHH stops him; only to try and eliminate Austin himself. Entrant #24 is Val Venis and when he comes in, he’s greeted with a HHH clothesline. Badd Ass works over Austin in the corner, but Austin quickly recovers and heaves him out of the ring. #25 is X-Pac and he goes after Test. The pairings are now Austin/Val, Bossman/HHH, and X-Pac/Test. It’s Sexual baby. Sexual Chocolate, that is, and he’s #26. The Bossman and Henry work over Austin until miscommunication leads to Henry nailing the Bossman. Jeff Jarrett comes out at #27 and he attacks X-Pac. X-Pac and HHH team up to beat up Jarrett, but then X-Pac delivers a spinning heel kick to HHH. Every man for himself! Now X-Pac gives the Bossman the Bronco Buster. LOL moment of the night, as you can hear HHH say to Val, “If I throw you, can you hang on?” #28 is D’Lo Brown and he’s not alone. He’s accompanied by Jacqueline and Terri Runnels, who’s in a completely see-thru top. Test attacks Austin, but soon the Rattlesnake dumps him over. Now the Bossman heaves X-Pac out of the ring. Jarrett and the Bossman try to get Austin over, but are unsuccessful. Austin hits the Lou Thesz Press on Jarrett and then HHH throws him out. Just as Jarrett exits, his tag partner, Owen Hart enters at #29. Austin leaves the ring momentarily and dumps water on Vince. Making history at #30 is Chyna.

She immediately goes after Henry and within seconds eliminates him. However, Austin comes right behind and clotheslines her out. HHH and Austin go at it while Owen takes on D’Lo and the Bossman and Val square off. Val tries to go after Austin, so HHH throws him out of the ring. That gives Austin enough time to give HHH the Stunner and eliminate him. Four are left in the ring, but five are still able to win. Austin sidesteps a D’Lo dropkick and then works him over in the corner. Owen delivers an enziguri to Austin, but Austin comes back and eliminates him. We’re officially down to the Final Four of Austin, the Bossman, D’Lo and Mr. McMahon. As odd of a Final Four as you’ll ever see. The Bossman uppercuts Austin and D’Lo connects with the frog splash. However, the Bossman comes up behind D’Lo and throws him out. By this time, Austin is back up. He stuns the Bossman and clotheslines him out. Now Austin goes out to Vince and they brawl by the announce table. After fighting through the crowd, Austin brings Vince back to ringside and nails him with a chair. In the ring, Austin stands over Vince when Vince delivers a low blow. However, Austin recovers and hits Vince with a Stunner. Austin hits Vince with an elbow from the second rope. All of a sudden, The Rock comes down to ringside. The Rock gets on the apron and he tussles with Austin. As they fight, Vince comes from behind and dumps Austin out. Mr. McMahon is the winner of the Royal Rumble.

Postmatch: Austin and The Rock fight to the back, while Vince celebrates by downing a couple of cold ones with Shane and the Stooges.

Bottom Line: In case you didn’t figure it out, the operative word for this Rumble was waiting and there was plenty of it. There were just way too many dead spots in a match where there should be none. And speaking of waiting, we would have to wait longer until Austin was officially the #1 contender for Wrestlemania. The finish here was a swerve for the sake of swerves. Completely unnecessary. It’s really hard to have a bad Rumble, but they sure tried their best (or worst) here. * ½